The Shitjob Chronicles - my personal tales of working with bumfuks - Page 3

slang · 12-20-2003, 02:44 AM

I hadta leave early

Without humor, this whole excercise in futility ( working a shitjob ) would be unbareable. Fortunately for me, there are some people here with a sense of humor. AmishGuy is one of the few that ocassionally say something noteworthy. One of his first nights here I knew we'd at least get along if not be pals. The dialog went something like this:

slang: Hey AmishGuy , there's a horse out here in the side field. Is that your ride?
AmishGuy: Was there a black cart behind it?
slang: No. lol
AmishGuy: Well then, it isnt mine!

Finally, someone with enough brainpower to be funny without demeaning one of the dumb mother fuckers on second shift. Things are getting better.

So AG is on the short list of people I actually say hello to and engage in general small talk. The majority of the psychos and wastelings just bitch about something of absolutely no consequence to themselves or anyone else. Sometimes he surprises me though, like just the other day:

slang: Hey AG, how's it going today?
AmishGuy: Ok. I had to leave early last night though. Christ, I was so fucked up.
slang: Well the flu is going around bad this year and every time I even go into the breakroom I know I'm going to feel sick soon after.
AmishGuy: What the fuck are you talking about, I ran outta beer. Thats why I hadta leave early.
slang: You....ran....out....of ....beer? I dont see the connection between beer and leaving early.
AmishGuy: lol Yeah, I brought a 12 pack to work, put 6 in the toilet tank and 6 in the car. CanMan thought I had the shits. Between the first break, lunch and taking shit breaks, I ran outta beer early......and hadta leave. That was really stupid of me though. I coulda got nailed.
slang: The company frowns on drinking at work.......they're weird like that. You know, I told HRGuy in a mini-meeting yesterday that you're good.
AmishGuy: I am.......but I'm even better after a few beers.
slang: If anyone else asks, I'll just tell them you are a lot less annoying than most of the other guys and have the cognitive ability to be witty on the fly.
AmishGuy: ( checks his fly ) huh?
slang: ( look of disappointment )

He comes up with some real interesting one liners too. They arent "break down and cry" funny but good in comparison to the other simply stupid things some of the other guys think is funny.

As I entered the restroom I saw him at the sink.

slang: ( sees some idustrial toilet cleaner sitting on the shelf.....grabs it and fake pours it into AG's hands at the sink ) Here, you're gonna want something with more horsepower to take the germs off your hands from this fucking place.
AmishGuy: ( pulls his hands away from the fake stream of cleaner ) No thanks man, I dont want to get that on my dick when I jerk off later.

In the sink factory lingo, thats a funny........compared to something really fucking stupid like this:

slang: ( at the beggining of the shift meeting in the breakroom, just saying my general purpose hello ) Good morning.
PaintChipEater: Morning!!?? If it's morning, I guess we can go home. ( laughs at his own stupid joke hysterically.....alone. )
slang: ( look of disbelief that I'm actually working with this guy )

slang · 12-20-2003, 02:49 AM

Every night there's material for another little funny story, so they've been backing up in my " to be posted" folder.

Thanks for the positive comments, I may be posting more than 1 a week for a while as long as there are people that like to read them.

Back to work now. Later.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-20-2003, 07:07 AM

Did you ever wonder what they would write ablout you....if they could write.

Elspode · 12-20-2003, 10:16 AM

Ok...so, how did AmishGuy get his handle? I mean, your descriptions of him don't sound like any Amish person I've ever met.

slang · 12-20-2003, 12:30 PM

Bruce:

I actually have thought about that. They have also said among themselves things like "man, that guy asks a lot of questions". Thats because they often work against their own efforts and dont coordinate their work.

You cant make suggestions to these guys without receiving resistance, so, I ask questions instead.

Something like; " if you are doing this operation....and I am doing that.....doesnt it make sense for me to do such n' such to assist you" ? My thinking is that if they can see the wisdom of me prepping them for their specific job, that they might do the same for others.

My hope has been to show some cause and effect as well as inspiring some teamwork. The majority of these guys are so wrapped up in trying to do the absolute least amount of work as possible, that they dont see how some simple changes would make working here much more enjoyable and productive. It's true that the company has fucked many of them, but if you plan on staying at the job, why not make it as painless as possible? And if you plan on finding another job, why not just bite the bullet and try to make things go as smoothly as possible until you leave? At the very least, in doing this, the management wouldnt hassle you and you could focus on taking the steps required to get another job. This philosophy is far from contagous though.

Ep:

When AG started, he wore solid, dark colored button down shirts and old style "Ben Franklin" spectacles. His beard was also long, so he reminded me of an amish guy......until he spoke anyway.

xoxoxoBruce · 12-20-2003, 01:10 PM

I've worked in a lot of places with similar characters, so I know what you're talking about, Slang. I just wonder where THEY think YOU are coming from.
Oh, and sometimes instilling logic only annoys the pig.

slang · 12-20-2003, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by xoxoxoBruce
Oh, and sometimes instilling logic only annoys the pig.

True, but to my amazement, one of these guys calculated a substandard mix ratio in his head the other day. Even if he had a chart he couldnt have known this specific figure off the top of his head so I know they arent stupid. Maybe they're autistic, like rain man?

Funny comment anyway Bruce. Not too far off visually* either.

* - being the studly bastard that I am, I can say that with a straight face.

zippyt · 12-20-2003, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Bruce said Oh, and sometimes instilling logic only annoys the pig.

Pure gold !!!!!!

You are refering to real world logic , industrial logic works just the opposite , reverse logic as it were . If it makes sence and is logical do just the oppisite .

darclauz · 01-06-2004, 12:26 PM

slang...........these are amazingly good. =) keep 'em rolling. maybe you should start an underground company newsletter?

slang · 02-22-2004, 07:40 PM

I'll kick his ass for ya

I guess it makes sense that in white collar work some people define themselves on how smart they are or how well they can perform their "thinking" job while blue collar workers focus on physical tasks. At the shitjob, some people go a step further. They brag about how they can kick a specific person's ass.

When one of the trained monkeys get wound up and intentionally do something violent that affects us all ( read....affects me ) I get bitchy and sometimes yell with my new and strengthened loud "shop voice". This attracts attention and in this one case BSG came by with a deal. He's always been a strange guy but I thought this was one of his best moments.

slang: GOD DAMMIT, QUIT SLAMMING THE LINE!! YOU DONT NEED TO SLAM THE MOLDS TO GET THE JOB DONE!!

BSG: ( hears me yelling and comes over to my station on the line) Hey, I can go down there and kick his ass for ya. It'll cost ya 2 bucks though.

slang: Really? Sounds like a bargain.

BSG: Yeah, hell I'm married and I got 4 kids. I dont even see my paycheck. I'm always open to making some cash on the side. You see the hot wax tank there? I'll stick my hand in it for 5 bucks.

slang: Yeah but then you'll be out for a week and I'll end up doing some suck ass job because you'll be out for medical.

BSG: Ok, well you decide whos ass you want me to kick then. I need some spending cash. Hey, have you ever seen a general manager get clocked? I got 5 more weeks on probation, then I could do that for ya.

slang: No, that's ok. The GM is a cool guy, I dont have any issues with him. I'll keep that in mind for any potential future conflicts though.

BSG: Well that would cost ya 500 bucks but if you got the cash, in 5 weeks I can make it happen.

slang · 02-22-2004, 07:48 PM

Bring a pallet over

When working at a factory there are many hazards. Most of them are manageable but when many hazards are collected in space, it gets crazy.

slang: Ya know, I was just thinking, it's too easy and safe to get around these obstacles here. You see that welder over there? We need to bring it over here so it's right in the way.....plugged in. We need a good tripping hazard. Look around and see if there is any thick grease available or ball bearings, we could use those too. Oh, and bring a pallet of the powder right over here, right in the way. It's entirely too easy to navigate these obstacles......too many resources are being used in the actual manufacture of sinks instead of dodging the bullshit we use to make them.

CanMan: (confused) well , ok.

About 20 minutes later the forkliftguy comes up to the line.

forkliftguy: (Beep, Beep) Hey! Someone said you wanted a pallet of powder down here? Where should I set it down?

slang: DOESNT ANYONE UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF SARCASM!!!!!!

forkliftguy: Hey ya dont have to be an asshole, make up your mind, do you want it here or not?

lumberjim · 02-22-2004, 07:49 PM

how much do you think it would cost to have him visit sycamore?

slang · 02-22-2004, 07:54 PM

Well.....he'd need expense money too. I'll pitch the figure of $30 him and see what he says.

slang · 02-22-2004, 08:38 PM

Ahh, excuse me

Does everyone here know my background and how strange I am? Well, I consider myself pretty strange in several ways but its always interesting to talk to some of the team members at length just for the entertainment value. Hey, everybody has their quirks. It's the variation of the quirks that I find so interesting.

There's a guy on the team. His name for the chronicles is Albert, short for Albert Einstein. Hes 40 years old, about 6'4 at about 350#, lives at his parent's home, doesnt drive or own a car, and from what I have gathered from many conversations, about 30 (!!) credits shy of a BS in something obscure, cant remember exactly what he said.

I dont know exactly what happened to him but it seems he "let go of the rope" many years ago during his college days and has settled in to a life that makes me crazy just thinking about.

There are only a few people that will hang out with him but I think hes pretty funny to listen to in moderation. It's not the things he says that is so funny but the things he does while he is talking.

This is an example of one of the many things he does that just cracks me up. He's slamming a 20oz Coke in between breaths in this conversation.

Albert: So....I was watching this special last night on Nova. The show on metaphysics. Wow, that was cool. They detailed the effects of Einsteins theories in space and how they relate to blah-blah

slang: (listening politely)

Albert: And then they show Steven Hawken ( BUUUUUUURP!! ) ....Ah, excuse me....and he talks about the relationship between blah-blah

slang: ( totally unphased by the enormous burp )

Albert: So then they show the old letters from Einstein and how he was really right about all this but no one was smart enough at the time to prove the theory......( BUUUUUUURP!! ) ....Ah, excuse me...because, you know, they didnt have computers back then and the modern computers can make theoretical models to prove this kind of thing.....

slang: ( again totally unphased by the enormous burp )

Albert: So anyway, the whole unified field theory is fascinating to me personally, when I was in college.... ( BUUUUUUURP!! ) ....Ah, excuse me....I had a roommate that was studying physics and he'd explain the workings of the mathematical aspect of the---

slang: Hey Albert....I dont really give a shit if you belch out loud to the point that people in Towanda can hear you, thats totally cool. It's the the "ah, excuse me" part that's ridiculous. Tell you what, I'll stay clear of any projectiles thrown from the burp, and you just leave off the "excuse me" part. That's fucking stupid, excuse me infers some sincere embarassment or an apology, and it's quite clear that you'll be belching for the entire conversation.

Albert: Ok.....so anyway, then they showed some computer program running that simulated the.........( BUUUUUUURP!! ) .... planets of this solar system and blah-blah-blah.......

slang · 02-22-2004, 08:51 PM

Clamp man

Before every shift, there is a shift meeting . The shift super assigns people to the various stations based on who showed up that day and the ability of the workers. Sometimes people are overlooked as the super is focusing on some particular problem or individual. When I get skipped, its like a day off. It doesnt happen often but when it does you need to even the score for past events you didnt have the time to deal with.

slang: looks like someone fucked up the job assignments. I went to the line and there are 2 people doing my job, so I came over here. I've been fucking off for about 3 hours and NiteSuper hasnt said a word. Look at what I did. (slides some very new looking clean clamps across the counter in front of BSG)

BSG: wow, they look new. Whatja do to em?

slang: Soaked em in acetone for about and hour. They came out pretty good but take a look at these. (slides another set of clamps out in front)

BSG: Holy shit man! How'd you do that? They look chromed.

slang: Well I took em over to ThinGuys bench and fucked up his buffing wheel polishing them. The wheel was smoking when I finished it up. I used an entire block of buffing compound too. The wheel and the clamp were in continuous contact for about 15 minutes before the wheel totally disintegrated. Wow , that was funny. That buffer doesnt have a vacuum attached either, so there's debris, and I do mean, all over the fucking place. As I backed away from the buffer I had to use the airhose to blow away my footprints, The clamp was so hot that the fixture scortched the contact surface pattern into my gloves. (holds up the polished clamp to see his reflection) It was worth it though.

Bsg: Well, you done good

slang: Thanks. Mission accomplished in two ways.....polishing the clamp and fucking up the wheel. HoseMan also deserves a round of applause for switching stations with ThinGuy and then taking an extraordinarily long shit while I was destroying the buffer.

BSG: lol no shit man, ThinGuy's gonna be pissed!

slang: Fuck that pecker head. You remember last week when I looked like I might die....you know when everyone thought I was going to pass out, when I got white as a sheet?

BSG: Yeah, what about it?

slang: Well that was ThinGuys idea of a joke. He gave me a good pat on the back with gloves that had slurry all over them. I had his handprint in red on my back for 3 days. Rather than have you fuck him up for $10 or make a formal report to the office, he'll just lose his buffer. This time.

BSG: No shit. I'dda decked him.

slang: well he also fucked with HoseMan. His air nozzle went missing for an hour last week and HoseMan hadta use his hands to clear the hot sharp debris from the molds. He was one unhappy large felonious man that night, I can tell you.

BSG: I've never seen anyone fuck with HoseMan in the entire 3 years I've been here.

12-20-2003, 02:44 AM	#31
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	I hadta leave early Without humor, this whole excercise in futility ( working a shitjob ) would be unbareable. Fortunately for me, there are some people here with a sense of humor. AmishGuy is one of the few that ocassionally say something noteworthy. One of his first nights here I knew we'd at least get along if not be pals. The dialog went something like this: slang: Hey AmishGuy , there's a horse out here in the side field. Is that your ride? AmishGuy: Was there a black cart behind it? slang: No. lol AmishGuy: Well then, it isnt mine! Finally, someone with enough brainpower to be funny without demeaning one of the dumb mother fuckers on second shift. Things are getting better. So AG is on the short list of people I actually say hello to and engage in general small talk. The majority of the psychos and wastelings just bitch about something of absolutely no consequence to themselves or anyone else. Sometimes he surprises me though, like just the other day: slang: Hey AG, how's it going today? AmishGuy: Ok. I had to leave early last night though. Christ, I was so fucked up. slang: Well the flu is going around bad this year and every time I even go into the breakroom I know I'm going to feel sick soon after. AmishGuy: What the fuck are you talking about, I ran outta beer. Thats why I hadta leave early. slang: You....ran....out....of ....beer? I dont see the connection between beer and leaving early. AmishGuy: lol Yeah, I brought a 12 pack to work, put 6 in the toilet tank and 6 in the car. CanMan thought I had the shits. Between the first break, lunch and taking shit breaks, I ran outta beer early......and hadta leave. That was really stupid of me though. I coulda got nailed. slang: The company frowns on drinking at work.......they're weird like that. You know, I told HRGuy in a mini-meeting yesterday that you're good. AmishGuy: I am.......but I'm even better after a few beers. slang: If anyone else asks, I'll just tell them you are a lot less annoying than most of the other guys and have the cognitive ability to be witty on the fly. AmishGuy: ( checks his fly ) huh? slang: ( look of disappointment ) He comes up with some real interesting one liners too. They arent "break down and cry" funny but good in comparison to the other simply stupid things some of the other guys think is funny. As I entered the restroom I saw him at the sink. slang: ( sees some idustrial toilet cleaner sitting on the shelf.....grabs it and fake pours it into AG's hands at the sink ) Here, you're gonna want something with more horsepower to take the germs off your hands from this fucking place. AmishGuy: ( pulls his hands away from the fake stream of cleaner ) No thanks man, I dont want to get that on my dick when I jerk off later. In the sink factory lingo, thats a funny........compared to something really fucking stupid like this: slang: ( at the beggining of the shift meeting in the breakroom, just saying my general purpose hello ) Good morning. PaintChipEater: Morning!!?? If it's morning, I guess we can go home. ( laughs at his own stupid joke hysterically.....alone. ) slang: ( look of disbelief that I'm actually working with this guy ) Last edited by slang; 12-20-2003 at 09:55 PM.

12-20-2003, 10:16 AM	#34
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	Ok...so, how did AmishGuy get his handle? I mean, your descriptions of him don't sound like any Amish person I've ever met. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

01-06-2004, 12:26 PM	#39
darclauz Breathing into a paper bag Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 334	slang...........these are amazingly good. =) keep 'em rolling. maybe you should start an underground company newsletter? __________________ Taking up smoking to lose weight.

02-22-2004, 07:40 PM	#40
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	I'll kick his ass for ya I guess it makes sense that in white collar work some people define themselves on how smart they are or how well they can perform their "thinking" job while blue collar workers focus on physical tasks. At the shitjob, some people go a step further. They brag about how they can kick a specific person's ass. When one of the trained monkeys get wound up and intentionally do something violent that affects us all ( read....affects me ) I get bitchy and sometimes yell with my new and strengthened loud "shop voice". This attracts attention and in this one case BSG came by with a deal. He's always been a strange guy but I thought this was one of his best moments. slang: GOD DAMMIT, QUIT SLAMMING THE LINE!! YOU DONT NEED TO SLAM THE MOLDS TO GET THE JOB DONE!! BSG: ( hears me yelling and comes over to my station on the line) Hey, I can go down there and kick his ass for ya. It'll cost ya 2 bucks though. slang: Really? Sounds like a bargain. BSG: Yeah, hell I'm married and I got 4 kids. I dont even see my paycheck. I'm always open to making some cash on the side. You see the hot wax tank there? I'll stick my hand in it for 5 bucks. slang: Yeah but then you'll be out for a week and I'll end up doing some suck ass job because you'll be out for medical. BSG: Ok, well you decide whos ass you want me to kick then. I need some spending cash. Hey, have you ever seen a general manager get clocked? I got 5 more weeks on probation, then I could do that for ya. slang: No, that's ok. The GM is a cool guy, I dont have any issues with him. I'll keep that in mind for any potential future conflicts though. BSG: Well that would cost ya 500 bucks but if you got the cash, in 5 weeks I can make it happen. Last edited by slang; 02-22-2004 at 10:06 PM.

02-22-2004, 07:48 PM	#41
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Bring a pallet over When working at a factory there are many hazards. Most of them are manageable but when many hazards are collected in space, it gets crazy. slang: Ya know, I was just thinking, it's too easy and safe to get around these obstacles here. You see that welder over there? We need to bring it over here so it's right in the way.....plugged in. We need a good tripping hazard. Look around and see if there is any thick grease available or ball bearings, we could use those too. Oh, and bring a pallet of the powder right over here, right in the way. It's entirely too easy to navigate these obstacles......too many resources are being used in the actual manufacture of sinks instead of dodging the bullshit we use to make them. CanMan: (confused) well , ok. About 20 minutes later the forkliftguy comes up to the line. forkliftguy: (Beep, Beep) Hey! Someone said you wanted a pallet of powder down here? Where should I set it down? slang: DOESNT ANYONE UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF SARCASM!!!!!! forkliftguy: Hey ya dont have to be an asshole, make up your mind, do you want it here or not? Last edited by slang; 02-22-2004 at 09:58 PM.

12-20-2003, 02:49 AM	#32
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Every night there's material for another little funny story, so they've been backing up in my " to be posted" folder. Thanks for the positive comments, I may be posting more than 1 a week for a while as long as there are people that like to read them. Back to work now. Later.

12-20-2003, 07:07 AM	#33
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Did you ever wonder what they would write ablout you....if they could write.

12-20-2003, 12:30 PM	#35
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Bruce: I actually have thought about that. They have also said among themselves things like "man, that guy asks a lot of questions". Thats because they often work against their own efforts and dont coordinate their work. You cant make suggestions to these guys without receiving resistance, so, I ask questions instead. Something like; " if you are doing this operation....and I am doing that.....doesnt it make sense for me to do such n' such to assist you" ? My thinking is that if they can see the wisdom of me prepping them for their specific job, that they might do the same for others. My hope has been to show some cause and effect as well as inspiring some teamwork. The majority of these guys are so wrapped up in trying to do the absolute least amount of work as possible, that they dont see how some simple changes would make working here much more enjoyable and productive. It's true that the company has fucked many of them, but if you plan on staying at the job, why not make it as painless as possible? And if you plan on finding another job, why not just bite the bullet and try to make things go as smoothly as possible until you leave? At the very least, in doing this, the management wouldnt hassle you and you could focus on taking the steps required to get another job. This philosophy is far from contagous though. Ep: When AG started, he wore solid, dark colored button down shirts and old style "Ben Franklin" spectacles. His beard was also long, so he reminded me of an amish guy......until he spoke anyway.

12-20-2003, 01:10 PM	#36
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I've worked in a lot of places with similar characters, so I know what you're talking about, Slang. I just wonder where THEY think YOU are coming from. Oh, and sometimes instilling logic only annoys the pig.

02-22-2004, 07:49 PM	#42
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	how much do you think it would cost to have him visit sycamore? __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

02-22-2004, 07:54 PM	#43
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Well.....he'd need expense money too. I'll pitch the figure of $30 him and see what he says.

02-22-2004, 08:38 PM	#44
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Ahh, excuse me Does everyone here know my background and how strange I am? Well, I consider myself pretty strange in several ways but its always interesting to talk to some of the team members at length just for the entertainment value. Hey, everybody has their quirks. It's the variation of the quirks that I find so interesting. There's a guy on the team. His name for the chronicles is Albert, short for Albert Einstein. Hes 40 years old, about 6'4 at about 350#, lives at his parent's home, doesnt drive or own a car, and from what I have gathered from many conversations, about 30 (!!) credits shy of a BS in something obscure, cant remember exactly what he said. I dont know exactly what happened to him but it seems he "let go of the rope" many years ago during his college days and has settled in to a life that makes me crazy just thinking about. There are only a few people that will hang out with him but I think hes pretty funny to listen to in moderation. It's not the things he says that is so funny but the things he does while he is talking. This is an example of one of the many things he does that just cracks me up. He's slamming a 20oz Coke in between breaths in this conversation. Albert: So....I was watching this special last night on Nova. The show on metaphysics. Wow, that was cool. They detailed the effects of Einsteins theories in space and how they relate to blah-blah slang: (listening politely) Albert: And then they show Steven Hawken ( BUUUUUUURP!! ) ....Ah, excuse me....and he talks about the relationship between blah-blah slang: ( totally unphased by the enormous burp ) Albert: So then they show the old letters from Einstein and how he was really right about all this but no one was smart enough at the time to prove the theory......( BUUUUUUURP!! ) ....Ah, excuse me...because, you know, they didnt have computers back then and the modern computers can make theoretical models to prove this kind of thing..... slang: ( again totally unphased by the enormous burp ) Albert: So anyway, the whole unified field theory is fascinating to me personally, when I was in college.... ( BUUUUUUURP!! ) ....Ah, excuse me....I had a roommate that was studying physics and he'd explain the workings of the mathematical aspect of the--- slang: Hey Albert....I dont really give a shit if you belch out loud to the point that people in Towanda can hear you, thats totally cool. It's the the "ah, excuse me" part that's ridiculous. Tell you what, I'll stay clear of any projectiles thrown from the burp, and you just leave off the "excuse me" part. That's fucking stupid, excuse me infers some sincere embarassment or an apology, and it's quite clear that you'll be belching for the entire conversation. Albert: Ok.....so anyway, then they showed some computer program running that simulated the.........( BUUUUUUURP!! ) .... planets of this solar system and blah-blah-blah....... Last edited by slang; 02-22-2004 at 10:08 PM.

02-22-2004, 08:51 PM	#45
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Clamp man Before every shift, there is a shift meeting . The shift super assigns people to the various stations based on who showed up that day and the ability of the workers. Sometimes people are overlooked as the super is focusing on some particular problem or individual. When I get skipped, its like a day off. It doesnt happen often but when it does you need to even the score for past events you didnt have the time to deal with. slang: looks like someone fucked up the job assignments. I went to the line and there are 2 people doing my job, so I came over here. I've been fucking off for about 3 hours and NiteSuper hasnt said a word. Look at what I did. (slides some very new looking clean clamps across the counter in front of BSG) BSG: wow, they look new. Whatja do to em? slang: Soaked em in acetone for about and hour. They came out pretty good but take a look at these. (slides another set of clamps out in front) BSG: Holy shit man! How'd you do that? They look chromed. slang: Well I took em over to ThinGuys bench and fucked up his buffing wheel polishing them. The wheel was smoking when I finished it up. I used an entire block of buffing compound too. The wheel and the clamp were in continuous contact for about 15 minutes before the wheel totally disintegrated. Wow , that was funny. That buffer doesnt have a vacuum attached either, so there's debris, and I do mean, all over the fucking place. As I backed away from the buffer I had to use the airhose to blow away my footprints, The clamp was so hot that the fixture scortched the contact surface pattern into my gloves. (holds up the polished clamp to see his reflection) It was worth it though. Bsg: Well, you done good slang: Thanks. Mission accomplished in two ways.....polishing the clamp and fucking up the wheel. HoseMan also deserves a round of applause for switching stations with ThinGuy and then taking an extraordinarily long shit while I was destroying the buffer. BSG: lol no shit man, ThinGuy's gonna be pissed! slang: Fuck that pecker head. You remember last week when I looked like I might die....you know when everyone thought I was going to pass out, when I got white as a sheet? BSG: Yeah, what about it? slang: Well that was ThinGuys idea of a joke. He gave me a good pat on the back with gloves that had slurry all over them. I had his handprint in red on my back for 3 days. Rather than have you fuck him up for $10 or make a formal report to the office, he'll just lose his buffer. This time. BSG: No shit. I'dda decked him. slang: well he also fucked with HoseMan. His air nozzle went missing for an hour last week and HoseMan hadta use his hands to clear the hot sharp debris from the molds. He was one unhappy large felonious man that night, I can tell you. BSG: I've never seen anyone fuck with HoseMan in the entire 3 years I've been here. Last edited by slang; 02-22-2004 at 10:09 PM.

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