when faith fails - Page 3

xoxoxoBruce · 05-25-2004, 07:16 PM

Quote:

You know.... that's why they call it dope , Jim.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

richlevy · 05-25-2004, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
update
she's a good christian, though, so god will forgive her for being a letiginous untcay.

asshole

Tsk tsk. Better be nice to her, LumberJim, because if Bush ever gets tired of Condi Rice, that woman might be our next national security advisor.

BTW, it's litigious

Quote:

li·ti·gious adj.
Of, relating to, or characterized by litigation.
Tending to engage in lawsuits.

lumberjim · 05-25-2004, 08:37 PM

thank you. that was most helpfulacious of you.

Troubleshooter · 05-25-2004, 09:12 PM

Ok, I've been thinking about this one all day, yeah bordom's a bitch, and I seem to recall one of the instructions being to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and all that.

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/lk/20.html

It would seem that if she had followed the directions she wouldn't be in the pickle she is in.

If you believe in all of that at least.

Just a thought.

wolf · 05-25-2004, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
I am trying to tell you that the lord works in mysterious ways, and i had a dream where god told me that i would get a white pt cruiser as a reward for taking care of my sick mother"

I thought the Lord was supposed to buy you a Mercedes Benz?

edit to add: darnit, Pie beat me to it. that's the problem with having to wait until after I get home from work to read The Cellar.

wolf · 05-25-2004, 11:51 PM

Clearly the lady's problem is that she did not believe hard enough. If her faith were stronger, she would be riding home in that PT Cruiser right this very minute.

Of course, God being the trickster that he is, she would get smushed in a freak rollover of a semi full of Bibles on it's way to the Philadelphia Airport Freight Terminal to be loaded on a plane to bring the Word™ to the godless heathens of Communist China.

And then she would find out what the circle of Hell reserved for those who insincerely profess faith in God is like.

Skunks · 05-26-2004, 09:15 AM

I'm reminded of a joke, so I'll paraphrase it:

There's this guy on some inhospitable, tiny-ass piece of land. Picture the Farside "desert island", where you could maybe fit a lawn chair on it. So, he's praying to God to help him and all that. After a while, a canoe floats by, but he just stays there praying. So the canoe floats off again, because of the currents and tides and whatnot.

An hour or so later, a big motorboat goes by the island. Now, this guy's still in fairly good shape. He could probably jump around, get their attention, wait for them to drop anchor and then swim over, whatever. But he just sits there praying.

After a while one of those search and rescue helicopters comes by. It hovers over the island, tries to get the guy to come up the ladder or whatever, but he's too busy praying. He just sort of glares at them, one of those "fuck off, man. Can't you see I'm praying?" looks.

Now, this is a hot island, and the guy was sorely dehydrated to begin with. It took a few hours each between the canoe, the boat, and then the helicopter. He died. Once he got to heaven (he was a fairly decent guy, never beat the wife or kids) and went through the admissions process, he gave God a thorough talking to:

"What the hell, man? I was down there praying for, like, five hours! Why didn't you save me?"

And so God's all, "dude, I did my half."

lumberjim · 05-26-2004, 09:22 AM

yeah, good story. the thing with paraphrasing a joke is that it loses its funniness.

elSicomoro · 05-26-2004, 10:33 AM

Jim, did you tell the woman that God told you not to sell it to her?

lumberjim · 05-26-2004, 10:48 AM

no way, man. I'm not talking to this lady anymore.

The thing that gets me is that she wanted to double check with the salesman to make sure i had actually sent it to the banks. She asked him repeatedly if he had seen the turn down notices.....like she actually believed that i would just 'tell her' that the loan was turned down......easier for her to believe that I was lying than to think her faith in the lord was unfounded in this matter. I'm sure she suspects that i'm an agent of the devil and purposefully worked against her in this matter because she is holy. cuckoo cuckoo!

jaguar · 05-26-2004, 10:49 AM

Tell her god told you not to sell it to her.
Tell her god wants her to drive a pinto.

perth · 05-26-2004, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim
I'm sure she suspects that i'm an agent of the devil

Aren't you?

lumberjim · 05-26-2004, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by perth

Aren't you?

ONLY AFTER MIDNIGHT.......MWUUUHAHAHAHA!

MrKite · 05-28-2004, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lumberjim

ONLY AFTER MIDNIGHT.......MWUUUHAHAHAHA!

You should have told her that. I think the outcome would have been hilarious. I really think this lady has mental problems, but then again what person who has "talked" to god isn't? Then again we all have mental problems...

wolf · 05-28-2004, 01:22 AM

Talking to God(s) is not a sign of mental illness.

God(s) talking to you may be.

It is also a sign of sainthood, but that requires an extensive investigation by the Roman Catholic Church, which starts with a psychiatric evaluation to rule out need for crisis intervention before ruling it divine intervention.

05-25-2004, 08:37 PM	#33
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	thank you. that was most helpfulacious of you. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-25-2004, 09:12 PM	#34
Troubleshooter The urban Jane Goodall Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,012	Ok, I've been thinking about this one all day, yeah bordom's a bitch, and I seem to recall one of the instructions being to render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and all that. http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/lk/20.html It would seem that if she had followed the directions she wouldn't be in the pickle she is in. If you believe in all of that at least. Just a thought. __________________ I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. - Aristotle

05-25-2004, 11:51 PM	#36
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Clearly the lady's problem is that she did not believe hard enough. If her faith were stronger, she would be riding home in that PT Cruiser right this very minute. Of course, God being the trickster that he is, she would get smushed in a freak rollover of a semi full of Bibles on it's way to the Philadelphia Airport Freight Terminal to be loaded on a plane to bring the Word™ to the godless heathens of Communist China. And then she would find out what the circle of Hell reserved for those who insincerely profess faith in God is like. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

05-26-2004, 09:22 AM	#38
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	yeah, good story. the thing with paraphrasing a joke is that it loses its funniness. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-26-2004, 10:48 AM	#40
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	no way, man. I'm not talking to this lady anymore. The thing that gets me is that she wanted to double check with the salesman to make sure i had actually sent it to the banks. She asked him repeatedly if he had seen the turn down notices.....like she actually believed that i would just 'tell her' that the loan was turned down......easier for her to believe that I was lying than to think her faith in the lord was unfounded in this matter. I'm sure she suspects that i'm an agent of the devil and purposefully worked against her in this matter because she is holy. cuckoo cuckoo! __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

05-26-2004, 09:15 AM	#37
Skunks I thought I changed this. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: western nowhere, ny Posts: 412	I'm reminded of a joke, so I'll paraphrase it: There's this guy on some inhospitable, tiny-ass piece of land. Picture the Farside "desert island", where you could maybe fit a lawn chair on it. So, he's praying to God to help him and all that. After a while, a canoe floats by, but he just stays there praying. So the canoe floats off again, because of the currents and tides and whatnot. An hour or so later, a big motorboat goes by the island. Now, this guy's still in fairly good shape. He could probably jump around, get their attention, wait for them to drop anchor and then swim over, whatever. But he just sits there praying. After a while one of those search and rescue helicopters comes by. It hovers over the island, tries to get the guy to come up the ladder or whatever, but he's too busy praying. He just sort of glares at them, one of those "fuck off, man. Can't you see I'm praying?" looks. Now, this is a hot island, and the guy was sorely dehydrated to begin with. It took a few hours each between the canoe, the boat, and then the helicopter. He died. Once he got to heaven (he was a fairly decent guy, never beat the wife or kids) and went through the admissions process, he gave God a thorough talking to: "What the hell, man? I was down there praying for, like, five hours! Why didn't you save me?" And so God's all, "dude, I did my half."

05-26-2004, 10:33 AM	#39
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Jim, did you tell the woman that God told you not to sell it to her?

05-26-2004, 10:49 AM	#41
jaguar whig Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 5,075	Tell her god told you not to sell it to her. Tell her god wants her to drive a pinto. __________________ Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Twain

05-28-2004, 01:22 AM	#45
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Talking to God(s) is not a sign of mental illness. God(s) talking to you may be. It is also a sign of sainthood, but that requires an extensive investigation by the Roman Catholic Church, which starts with a psychiatric evaluation to rule out need for crisis intervention before ruling it divine intervention. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)