02-19-2013, 02:14 PM | #4801 |
The Un-Tuckian
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Location: South Central...KY that is
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
02-20-2013, 02:41 PM | #4802 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica.
“Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?” “Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life.” “What happened?” “Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.” “How about you?” “Me? I accompanied her on the piano!”
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
02-23-2013, 02:55 AM | #4803 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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FLORIDA PERSONALS
FOXY LADY : Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. ---------------------------------------------------- LONG-TERM COMMITMENT : Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. ---------------------------------------------------- SERENITY NOW : I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times. ---------------------------------------------------- WINNING SMILE : Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy. ---------------------------------------------------- BEATLES OR STONES ? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes. ---------------------------------------------------- MEMORIES : I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. ---------------------------------------------------- MINT CONDITION : Male, 1932 model , high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Not in running condition, but walks well.
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
02-23-2013, 09:13 PM | #4804 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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I was talking to my preacher and noticed he had cut himself shaving, so I asked him about it.
He said he was concentrating on his sermon while shaving, and had nicked his chin. I thought about that during the sermon, then stood in line to greet him after the service. I told him that I thought about what he had said. “And…?” he replied. I told him next time, he should concentrate on what he was doing, and cut his sermon instead. ****************** Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. 'Yes,' came the answer from Tony, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.' 'That's nice of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she'll appreciate them.' Tony smiled, 'So do I, it’ll make her vacuuming much easier now.'
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
02-25-2013, 03:09 AM | #4805 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.
"Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
02-26-2013, 12:00 PM | #4806 |
a beautiful fool
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: 39.939705
Posts: 4,504
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Mixed emotions:
When your wife tells you that of all of your friends, your cock is the biggest.
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There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool |
02-26-2013, 01:30 PM | #4807 | |
To shreds, you say?
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet!
Posts: 18,449
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Quote:
Yes, I hear voices. What voices do you hear? I hear your voice... The shrink didn't faint, but did roll his eyes, then sent my FIL back.
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The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs |
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02-28-2013, 02:02 AM | #4808 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Math class...
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
02-28-2013, 01:15 PM | #4809 |
I'm still a jerk
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Little Mexico
Posts: 1,817
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That is a lie only the pizza can feed a family of four.
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"Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering. |
03-06-2013, 08:54 PM | #4810 |
Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
03-07-2013, 03:20 PM | #4811 |
Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 2,916
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Some puns Zing #1 pointed me to:
Why were the indians in America first? They had reservations. We had a class trip to the Coke factory. I knew there would be a pop quiz. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. But really, jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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Talk nerdy to me. |
03-07-2013, 05:04 PM | #4812 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe! BREATHE!!!
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
03-07-2013, 05:49 PM | #4813 |
Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 2,916
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Excellent!
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Talk nerdy to me. |
03-07-2013, 06:10 PM | #4814 | |
The Un-Tuckian
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
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Quote:
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off. |
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03-08-2013, 02:37 PM | #4815 |
Back in 10
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3,684
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Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind. |
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humor |
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