Humor...I Need Humor...

[lumberjim]

Originally Posted by glatt

I close the curtain because that stretches it out so the folds aren't all bunched up against one another and it it able to dry completely in a shorter amount of time. There's a good foot or two of open space above the curtain rod to allow air to circulate back there to dry the whole shower. Anyway, doing this dramatically cuts down on the frequency of cleaning I need to do. It's laziness. Plus, the tile is a little dirty, it hides the dirt behind the curtain.

Very pragmatic. The only reason I don't do this is that I hang my Towel over the rod. I like that to hang 1ply so it dries in the fastest possible time, preventing mildew. Less laundry to do. If I had room for a longer towel rack, I'd do both.

A little foresight goes a long way.

[glatt]

Laziness is the mother of ... of something. Invention, I guess? Efficiency?

Today I have to move a few hundred boxes out of a room I'm cleaning out. I tried out and abandoned no less than 3 carts before I settled on a 4th cart that would hold the right number of boxes, was steerable, and had enough inflation in the tires to roll without resistance. It was worth it.

[Nirvana]

>shaking blonde locks at Glatt's 'joke' "< I don't get it

The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they
would
someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their
dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath.
This "duel" would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best
fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people
the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay
down
its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the
world.
They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest
Siberian wolves.

They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the
best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers
in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the 5 years were up,
they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert
trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up
with a very strange-looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!

Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there
seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against
the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took one look and
predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of
the ring.

The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog.

As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its
jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left
but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail floating to the
ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel
let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in
disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our top scientists
and breeders worked for 5 long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans,
Rottweilers and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing
machine of a dog!"

The Israelis replied. "Well, for 5 years, we have had a team of Jewish
plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a
Dachshund."

[Nirvana]

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.

The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.

The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?

These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."

[Lamplighter]

[footfootfoot]

A favorite of mine

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by Nirvana

>shaking blonde locks at Glatt's 'joke' "< I don't get it

Get it? I don't even see it.

[limegreenc]

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.

Mr. Smith is going to an urologist. The Dr. says: Well Mr. Smith, you really have to stop masturbating. Mr. Smith asks: Why? The doctor: Because I can't do my exam like this.

The people of Saudi Arabia don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

[Gravdigr]

That last one took me a moment, then I heard it in my head.

[Clodfobble]

The first nun has a stroke.

This is my new replacement for, "The nun fainted."

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

This is my new replacement for, "The nun fainted."

You want some more material to choose from? Nun tops this list.

[limegreenc]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Q: What can a husband do when his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If he's handy with tools, he can finish the basement. Then when he's finished, he'll have a place to live.

[lumberjim]

The difference between oral sex and anal sex? ( I know that this is a repost, but for the new guy...)





Oral sex will make your day, anal sex will make your hole weak

[Gravdigr]

[Gravdigr]