What's mildly irritating you today?

[Aliantha]

My husband. Actually, he's pissing me right off, but this thread was closer.

There could be blood spilled by the end of this day.

Now where the fuck did I put my wine!

[Aliantha]

haha...i came here to post something about Aden and saw the above post.

Dazza and I had the biggest fight we've ever had on Sunday night (about 6 hours after this post). There was yelling and threats and all sorts of stuff. Very dramatic. Since then he's been getting up early and sneaking off to work and coming home late. We haven't spoken. He's still pissing me off. lol

The issue with Aden is me talking to him this morning about a maths assignment he has due tomorrow. it got a bit heated and ended with him telling me it's my fault he doesn't study well because I should have made him study more when he was younger so he'd have better study habits now.

I pointed out that if he knows he has bad habits, then only he can change them, and since he thinks he's an adult now, then it's on him not me, so grow up and don't blame me for the fact that he'd rather play xbox.

I sent him a text that said, "I love you son. Any choices or decisions I have ever made for you have come from that. I am very sorry if you feel I have failed you. I will do better. xxx"

I am now considering confiscating his xbox and other toys and being the strict parent that he seems to think I should have been.

What do you think?

[Lamplighter]

It might be less physical effort to pull the circuit breaker for the electricity to his room.

[Aliantha]

Yes, but he shares a room with his brother, so that wont work. I think I need to actually sit down and ask him what his expectations are, then write them down and stick them on his wall. If he wants me to drive him then I will, but if I do that, he is going to have to constantly remember that he's the one who's asked for it.

I have done something wrong, but I'm not sure what. I know he wants to succeed, and he definitely could do so much better than he does. He seems to just coast through by doing as little work as possible, but then he gets depressed when his marks are average. Not sure where to go from here, but I did tell him at the start of the school year that he'd live or die by his own choices because I am tired of nagging him about study.

So anyway, we'll see how grumpy he is when he gets home. My guess is very. lol

[orthodoc]

From my perspective, Ali, having had four kids go through high school ... by this time it's up to them. Yes, you can have house rules and not permit endless xbox playing etc., but you don't have to accept your son telling you it's your fault that he doesn't study well. It's HIS business to study now; it's his life that studying, or not studying, will affect. It's not your job to nag him - who will nag him in college? No one. He cannot lay this at your feet. Throw it back. Ask him what he wants out of life, what he thinks his life will look like in ten years and what he thinks it will take to get there.

Aside from self-starting his homework, he should be doing his own laundry by now and figuring out some decent cooking skills too. He could make dinner for the family once a week, for example. Not only will this allow him to survive with some reasonable health (and clean clothes) in college, it'll help you out and let him contribute to the family while he's still home.

[Aliantha]

Yeah, he does his own washing mostly (sometimes I do it if I'm not too busy and it's in the big kids basket waiting to be done) and he can cook and helps out around the house, and he's an awesome big brother who helps out with baby sitting etc when required.

He's not a bad kid. He's pretty freaking awesome actually. He just sucks at studying and I'm actually not sure how to motivate him any more. Mav (the next one on the list) sits down and does his when it needs doing and seems to respond well when I ask how he's going, but for some reason, Aden has a chip on his shoulder about some things lately. I know his life has not been so easy a lot of the time. Being the oldest child and witness to some pretty bad stuff in his younger years has given him a lot to process through the years, so i sort of know why he is trying to blame me in a way. I actually think that when he gets older he'll regret the things he said today and has obviously been feeling for a while, but that doesn't help now.

I need to find a way to get him on track and ready to go forward. not wallow in his little pity party he's throwing for himself.

[ZenGum]

him telling me it's my fault he doesn't study well because I should have made him study more when he was younger so he'd have better study habits now.

I'm sorry, but ...

... but seriously? reminds me of me. I was a smart kid allowed to drift along with average work habits. It was only at uni I learned how to make myself knuckle down and get shit done.

Random thought ... would he be interested in joining the army or reserve, going to uni on that? That'd whip him into shape, work habits wise.

(Side thought: bloody hell, I sound soooo middle aged.)

[Aliantha]

You are middle aged zen. lol. What do you want to sound like?

I would rather he weren't in the armed forces, just cause i am his mother. He's in a program with school where he's guaranteed entry to exercise science at griffith as long as he doesn't fail anything. I think that might be half the problem.

He didn't seem too grumpy when he got home although he did keep to himself. We will talk over the weekend i think.

[Clodfobble]

I think it's a good thing, or a good stage to be going through at least. He's no longer in the youthful denial of, "I'm doing fine, I don't have to work harder to succeed." He's now able to recognize that no, his study habits aren't good, and that's the direct cause of his mediocre grades. Now he's grasping at the last few straws he can find to try to still make it not his fault--"well, maybe it's my own fault, but it's really my mom's fault for making it my fault"--and I think soon after this stage will come real acceptance of full responsibility. I hope so anyway, for your sake Ali. My own brother turns 30 this year, and he's still in the "I can skate by and somehow everything will surely work out" stage.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

My own brother turns 30 this year, and he's still in the "I can skate by and somehow everything will surely work out" stage.

Has it worked for him so far? It kinda infuriates me that for some people, they just skate by and it works for them. Or at least appears to.

[Clodfobble]

Depends on what you consider success. He lives with my mom, and she bankrolls his life for the most part. Gave him her old car, pays for all the maintenance on it. A few years ago she remodeled his room in her house to include a dark room for his photography, which he doesn't really do anymore. These days it's music, and he gets a little money from gigs--the sad thing is he is actually quite talented, but you have to be a lot more than that if you're going to make it big in Austin--but she pays ("invests" ) for the studio time to record his albums, gets him plane tickets to fly to NY to have it professionally mixed by a top-notch engineer, etc.

So yeah, he's not on the street and doesn't worry about grocery money. He's cool with sleeping on a mattress on the floor in our mother's back room, so by that standard it's working well for him so far. Thing is, he has a girlfriend now for the first time in his life. She has a good job, is completely responsible... I don't know what the hell she sees in him, but I love her. And my mom's been remodeling her entire house for several weeks now, so he's had a crash course in living with this girlfriend while there's no water in my mom's house. I can easily see the girlfriend just taking over the payments, as it were.

But she wants a baby, bad. And I think she could probably talk him into it, because he'd figure he could just make it work somehow. And between the girlfriend and my mom, they probably could after all.

[glatt]

Sounds like it's working for him. Maybe they will start a family and he'll be a stay at home dad. Is he responsible enough to care for a kid? Of course, maybe the girlfriend wants that role, and he'll be expected to support a family. That would be a rude awakening.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by glatt

Is he responsible enough to care for a kid?

I'm pretty sure he'd rise to the occasion. He's got way too much invested in not being like our dad, he'd have to work hard at taking care of a kid just to prove how much better of a job he could do. I think it would be a hard adjustment for him, but he would definitely want to do well. He wouldn't be shy about asking for help from me and our mother, though. I suspect he wouldn't be ashamed to outright ask me to babysit the kid every day for free, you know, since I'm already home and all. But the girlfriend would never let him ask. She's got him planning something for Mother's Day for the first time in his life, so clearly she's a good influence on him.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

she's a good influence on him.

bonus!

[Aliantha]

Freaking kids are irritating me, and i am still not speaking to my husband. I am going to be posting in the drunk thread tomorrow. Tonight i am going to sleep and they can all get buggered for all i care.