Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 358

Snakeadelic · 12-30-2016, 07:58 AM

...and just for grins...this one's scary-old and still so true...

Gravdigr · 01-08-2017, 04:28 PM

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BigV · 12-30-2016, 09:48 AM

That guy's tool problem is plane to see.

classicman · 12-31-2016, 12:38 PM

What glatt said. My 100+ different Beer can collection is worth about a quarter of what it was 20 years ago.

classicman · 01-02-2017, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

What glatt said. My 100+ different Beer can collection is worth about a quarter of what it was 20 years ago.

eh hem I see I screwed up there. It should say 1000+ unique cans.
I also have a few bottles, signs etc.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-06-2017, 04:06 PM

For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans so he substituted with hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes. He frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?"

"I can't lie to ya" Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc".

Gravdigr · 01-01-2017, 04:52 PM

I wonder if my 113 different Red Dog beer bottle caps are worth anything?

I wouldn't take less than four blue Skittles for them.

Pico and ME · 01-06-2017, 04:18 PM

..the mouse ran up the clock

Shoot, I got the wrong thread again

Gravdigr · 01-09-2017, 05:25 PM

Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.

One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the thunder.

With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy.

Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation. After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his merry way.

Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!"

xoxoxoBruce · 01-09-2017, 08:23 PM

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in..." she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says "Put your whole hand in!" The guy's like "OK!" So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!! So the guy puts both of his hands in!
"Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't" says the guy.
The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"

katfiche · 01-10-2017, 01:00 AM

So, a mushroom walks into a bar, everyone goes quiet and the bartender stops wiping the glass he had in hand.

There's an uncomfortable pause and then the bartender speaks up, "Hey, we don't serve your kind here".

The mushroom just shrugs and says, "But, I'm a fun guy."

--works better with oral recitation.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-10-2017, 03:51 AM

footfootfoot · 01-10-2017, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning.

One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the thunder.

With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy.

Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation. After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his merry way.

Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!"

Umm, I don't get it. Being raped is worse than thunder and lightning?

Clodfobble · 01-10-2017, 08:12 AM

That was THE joke when I was in high school. Like, it got told every day. And then we were told we had to stop, not because it was annoying, but because it was not a good idea to throw around the phrase "we don't serve your kind here."

katfiche · 01-10-2017, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

That was THE joke when I was in high school. Like, it got told every day. And then we were told we had to stop, not because it was annoying, but because it was not a good idea to throw around the phrase "we don't serve your kind here."

Fortunately, 40 years ago we weren't burdened with second guessing our every utterance beyond intent.

12-30-2016, 07:58 AM	#1
Snakeadelic Banned Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 660	...and just for grins...this one's scary-old and still so true... Attached Images

01-08-2017, 04:28 PM	#2
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-30-2016, 09:48 AM	#3
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	That guy's tool problem is plane to see. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

12-31-2016, 12:38 PM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	What glatt said. My 100+ different Beer can collection is worth about a quarter of what it was 20 years ago. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-06-2017, 04:06 PM	#6
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans so he substituted with hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes. He frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?" "I can't lie to ya" Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc". __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-01-2017, 04:52 PM	#7
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	I wonder if my 113 different Red Dog beer bottle caps are worth anything? I wouldn't take less than four blue Skittles for them. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-06-2017, 04:18 PM	#8
Pico and ME Are you knock-kneed? Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Middle Hoosierland Posts: 3,549	..the mouse ran up the clock Shoot, I got the wrong thread again __________________ Jesse LaGreca in 2012 “Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Science without humanity, Knowledge without character, Politics without principle, Commerce without morality, Worship without sacrifice.” – Mahatma Gandhi

01-09-2017, 05:25 PM	#9
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Two matronly sisters lived together and managed a farm. For years both had an extreme fear of thunder storms and lightning. One day one of the sisters was visiting a neighbor, and while walking home was caught in a severe thunder storm. Lightning was streaking across the sky and thunder was booming all around. Being totally terrified, she ran to a nearby haystack and buried her head in the hay like an ostrich, so she could not see the lightning or hear the thunder. With her head buried in the hay, her rear end was exposed, and the wind blew her dress up exposing the long unused part of her anatomy. Along comes the local stud, and seeing the poor souls predicament, he did the only thing a well endowed stud would do in such a situation. After fully satisfying himself he zipped his pants and went on his merry way. Soon the sister pulled her head out of the haystack and rushed home, calling to her sister, "Sissy, Sissy, let me tell you something! If you ever get struck by lightning, you'll never be afraid again!!" __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

01-09-2017, 08:23 PM	#10
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in..." she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says "Put your whole hand in!" The guy's like "OK!" So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!! So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't" says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!" __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-10-2017, 01:00 AM	#11
katfiche like a fiche outta water Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Tejas Posts: 19	So, a mushroom walks into a bar, everyone goes quiet and the bartender stops wiping the glass he had in hand. There's an uncomfortable pause and then the bartender speaks up, "Hey, we don't serve your kind here". The mushroom just shrugs and says, "But, I'm a fun guy." --works better with oral recitation.

01-10-2017, 03:51 AM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	__________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-10-2017, 08:12 AM	#14
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	That was THE joke when I was in high school. Like, it got told every day. And then we were told we had to stop, not because it was annoying, but because it was not a good idea to throw around the phrase "we don't serve your kind here." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

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