Tasteless Jokes - Page 38

monster · 11-16-2011, 07:27 AM

@ Jim

Spexxvet · 12-01-2011, 10:14 AM

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you later.

GunMaster357 · 12-09-2011, 02:11 PM

Q. How can you tell when a firefighter is dead????

A. The remote control slips from his hand.

GunMaster357 · 12-18-2011, 07:16 PM

Q. How do you name the son of a Puertorican and a blonde girl?

A. Retardo

classicman · 12-18-2011, 08:09 PM

THE ITALIAN ELBOW

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301.
There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3.
When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........
"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido,
I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.
How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business ,
you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money,
a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "times up'?

Gravdigr · 12-27-2011, 04:28 PM

Name: Captureetybey.JPG
Views: 1099
Size: 59.1 KB

sullage · 12-27-2011, 05:50 PM

I dunno if i already mentioned this one:
what sound do flat tires on an Italian car make?

dago wop wop wop

footfootfoot · 12-27-2011, 06:56 PM

Why didn't the Puerto Rican girl's father want her to marry a black man?

He was afraid the kids would be too lazy to steal.

GunMaster357 · 12-27-2011, 08:04 PM

A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we 've always covered our pricks with leaves."

Spexxvet · 12-28-2011, 07:54 AM

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

What's the difference between an African American and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing the blues when you put chains on it.

jimhelm · 12-28-2011, 09:15 AM

oh man... that last one got a guffaw. I can't wait to tell it to my black friends!

regular.joe · 12-28-2011, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunMaster357

A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we 've always covered our pricks with leaves."

I"m lucky I did't have food in my mouth when I read that one.

Gravdigr · 12-29-2011, 03:03 AM

Why don't Mexicans have cook-outs?

The beans keep falling through the grill.

Why do Polish men make lousy lovers?

They always wait for the swelling to go down.

GunMaster357 · 12-29-2011, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

Why don't Mexicans have cook-outs?

The beans keep falling through the grill.

So that's why they can't keep their mouths shut: they always spill the beans.

GunMaster357 · 12-29-2011, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by regular.joe

I"m lucky I did't have food in my mouth when I read that one.

Sure, you were lucky. What about meeting with one of these leaves wearer ?

11-16-2011, 07:27 AM	#556
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	@ Jim __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-01-2011, 10:14 AM	#557
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	How do you keep a moron in suspense? I'll tell you later. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

12-09-2011, 02:11 PM	#558
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Q. How can you tell when a firefighter is dead???? A. The remote control slips from his hand. __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

12-18-2011, 07:16 PM	#559
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	Q. How do you name the son of a Puertorican and a blonde girl? A. Retardo __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

12-18-2011, 08:09 PM	#560
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	THE ITALIAN ELBOW An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........ "What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wise Italian Grandfather Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business , you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. " "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "times up'? __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-27-2011, 04:28 PM	#561
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-27-2011, 05:50 PM	#562
sullage Master Locutor Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Iowa Posts: 155	I dunno if i already mentioned this one: what sound do flat tires on an Italian car make? dago wop wop wop

12-27-2011, 06:56 PM	#563
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Why didn't the Puerto Rican girl's father want her to marry a black man? He was afraid the kids would be too lazy to steal. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

12-27-2011, 08:04 PM	#564
GunMaster357 Professor Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Brest (FRANCE) Posts: 1,837	A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?" "Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?" "That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we 've always covered our pricks with leaves." __________________ "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." - Ambrose Bierce

12-28-2011, 07:54 AM	#565
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. What's the difference between an African American and a snow tire? A snow tire doesn't sing the blues when you put chains on it. __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

12-28-2011, 09:15 AM	#566
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	oh man... that last one got a guffaw. I can't wait to tell it to my black friends! __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

12-29-2011, 03:03 AM	#568
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Why don't Mexicans have cook-outs? The beans keep falling through the grill. Why do Polish men make lousy lovers? They always wait for the swelling to go down. __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)