Well, This is Going to be a Lousy Situation

[zippyt]

I had a Joint account with my Mom ,
She emptied it and left me with $1100 worth of bad checks at a Navy exchange ( on base store),Yes there is a NIS (befor NCIS) file on me ,
Then borrowed the money from a friend, sent me a check,
and spent the money i sent home to pay off the debt to the Now Xfriend

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by zippyt

I had a Joint account with my Mom ,
She emptied it and left me with $1100 worth of bad checks at a Navy exchange ( on base store),Yes there is a NIS (befor NCIS) file on me ,
Then borrowed the money from a friend, sent me a check,
and spent the money i sent home to pay off the debt to the Now Xfriend

I have long since learned that, when there's money involved, *everything* else is secondary, if it is a consideration at all.

[Elspode]

I took the day off from work with my boss' blessing, and accomplished a great deal. I did get printouts from our bank, and from what I can see, there wasn't much money in them at all...less than $300. However, what I have yet to have time to research is whether or not my checks were all deposited and then used as they were intended, or if she was cashing them and pocketing the funds without paying the bills.

It could be that we were that far behind, and she was paying what she could, when she could. I won't have time to research this until I get through this week. In the meantime, we got a lot of my stuff moved over to Leslie's, but there's much more to move...and then much more to be disposed, especially trash. A great deal of trash was created and left in her hasty, clandestine departure.

I have feelers our for a real estate agent who is experienced in handling distressed/short sale properties. If the rest of this week works as well as today - if I get sufficient help with strong backs and trucks, basically - the hardest part will be done.

I promise to be here more soon. As I said, I've missed you all, and I have no good excuse for why I've been nothing more than a lurker for so very long. Thanks for the good vibes. Please keep them coming, and try to spare some for Selene as well. She has to be going through some pretty fucked up shit in her head/life to have resorted to this.

[DanaC]

Originally Posted by Elspode

I took the day off from work with my boss' blessing, and accomplished a great deal. I did get printouts from our bank, and from what I can see, there wasn't much money in them at all...less than $300. However, what I have yet to have time to research is whether or not my checks were all deposited and then used as they were intended, or if she was cashing them and pocketing the funds without paying the bills.

It could be that we were that far behind, and she was paying what she could, when she could. I won't have time to research this until I get through this week. In the meantime, we got a lot of my stuff moved over to Leslie's, but there's much more to move...and then much more to be disposed, especially trash. A great deal of trash was created and left in her hasty, clandestine departure.

I have feelers our for a real estate agent who is experienced in handling distressed/short sale properties. If the rest of this week works as well as today - if I get sufficient help with strong backs and trucks, basically - the hardest part will be done.

I promise to be here more soon. As I said, I've missed you all, and I have no good excuse for why I've been nothing more than a lurker for so very long. Thanks for the good vibes. Please keep them coming, and try to spare some for Selene as well. She has to be going through some pretty fucked up shit in her head/life to have resorted to this.

Glad you're getting sorted Els. And, ok, fair enough, I'll spare a thought for Selene. Like you say, she must be going through some shit, or her head must be all over the show to do what she's done and the way she's done it.

But: she only gets the spare good vibes :p The bulk are for you. You're a bigger man than most on this Els.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Elspode

...and try to spare some for Selene as well. She has to be going through some pretty fucked up shit in her head/life to have resorted to this.

That's pretty much what I'd expect you to say... but, no. I'm not buying that shit, not for a minute.

This wasn't a wrong choice driven by a panicky fight or flight situation. This was a carefully crafted, fuck-you-long-time, kick in the nuts, by an evil, self-centered, cunt. An act so vile, even she can't watch it unfold.

Ok, you don't want to hear, or even think, such things about a woman you loved so long. But I feel a suicide bomber has more integrity, and more dignity, than this bomb thrower.

You think maybe she's suffering? I hope you're right, as she so richly deserves it.

Maybe later, I'll break down and tell you how I really feel.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That's pretty much what I'd expect you to say... but, no. I'm not buying that shit, not for a minute.

This wasn't a wrong choice driven by a panicky fight or flight situation. This was a carefully crafted, fuck-you-long-time, kick in the nuts, by an evil, self-centered, cunt. An act so vile, even she can't watch it unfold.

That's it, right there.

Bruce nailed it.

[BigV]

Originally Posted by Elspode

snip--

I promise to be here more soon. As I said, I've missed you all, and I have no good excuse for why I've been nothing more than a lurker for so very long.

Good. I'm counting on it.

Originally Posted by Elspode

Thanks for the good vibes. Please keep them coming, and try to spare some for Selene as well. She has to be going through some pretty fucked up shit in her head/life to have resorted to this.

You're welcome. You have my good vibes as does Selene.

Ya'll--an aside--it's my experience that good vibes for the ex are a gift to both, especially to Elspode in this case. I felt the same way when I was in a similar situation. He's in adrift in an ocean of shit for the moment, throwing in some free floating focused hate doesn't improve that situation, especially since he's asked for the opposite.

I believe this:

Originally Posted by Els

She has to be going through some pretty fucked up shit in her head/life to have resorted to this.

produces this:

Originally Posted by xoB

This wasn't a wrong choice driven by a panicky fight or flight situation. This was a carefully crafted, fuck-you-long-time, kick in the nuts, by an evil, self-centered, cunt. An act so vile, even she can't watch it unfold.

I agree with you xoB, I do. But I also know that Elspode chose her, built a life with her to this point and did so not because she was Susanna bin Laden, but because she was in Elspode's eyes a good person. I support Elspode because he's my friend and I'll do what I can for him. For me, that includes holding my hatred in abeyance.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by BigV

I agree with you xoB, I do. But I also know that Elspode chose her, built a life with her to this point and did so not because she was Susanna bin Laden, but because she was in Elspode's eyes a good person. I support Elspode because he's my friend and I'll do what I can for him. For me, that includes holding my hatred in abeyance.

My diatribe has nothing to do with 'Spode, it was at Donna Bin Laden.
Everyone who's been around here for some time knows Elspode makes Ghandi look like an SS Stormtrooper. (No Godwin) They both were aware the marriage was petering out, so the divorce was not a surprise. He was also aware she could be ruthless to those that deserved it.

But the way she blindsided him, making the exit as smooth as possible for herself, leaving him debts, a fucked credit rating, and virtually no chance to recover any equity from the house, is lower than whale shit.

I know he will forgive her, that's our 'Spode.
But I'll be God Damned if I will... no way, no how, not ever.

[Pete Zicato]

Originally Posted by Elspode

Thanks for the good vibes. Please keep them coming, and try to spare some for Selene as well.

That sucks, Els. I hope you bounce back quickly.

On the above, though, I can't go along. I think it's pretty low to leave without telling the person face to face. If nothing else, you've just mad closure hard to come by.

I think she's got some bad Karma coming.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Pete Zicato

I think she's got some bad Karma coming.

She does, and I'm sure she knows it. For my part, I've been trying to feed my positive karma in the wake of all this, but part of feeding the Positivity Beast is making sure that you spread it around.

I wish her well. When the inevitable day comes that the only person who can absolve her, comfort her, tell her she'll be okay...when that day comes, I'll be there, I'll provide it, she'll take it...and walk away.

It's what is required. It's what I do.

[BigV]

Posted because it is beautiful and truthful, as only great music can be...



Elspode, brother, I know your pain. I know your shock, your bewilderment, your feelings of stunned betrayal. You know I do. I've lived a full life, and there has been no experience that hurt more. Surprisingly, to me, it was not fatal. It was a surprise to only me though. Many others knew from the begining that it would not be fatal.

Your pain, while immense and undeserved, will not be fatal.

I know you, I know your family situation a bit, we've been friends for years. You've been privy to the most intimate agonies of my own. There are valid similarities in each of our stories. I want to tell you a couple things that are true about my situation, that are probably true about your situation, and that I don't think you grok. Yet.

1 -- Most importantly, you do not deserve this kind of treatment. This kind of ambush IS NOT a result of your actions, your behavior, your quality as a partner or as a man. Please remember this. All of us face situations, all of us make decisions, all of us take actions, for which we are responsible. Sometimes the range of options is small, and it feels like we've been "forced" to act in a certain way. Maybe. Sometimes we have more time and latitude to choose what action to take, regardless, we're responsible for our own choices. You are responsible for yours, and Donna's responsible for hers.

Her actions are a result of her choices. That I can say with certainty. *Why* she chose these actions is not something I can say with much certainty. Please keep in mind they are *her* actions. They are her responsibility.

2 -- Also important, but this will not be helpful until later, I learned when I went through an almost identical situation that my pain, my suffering was directly related to the degree of excess responsibility I'd assumed for what happened in our relationship. I'd taken on far, far more responsibilty for things that were out of my control. In hindsight, this is easy to identify as a very bad idea. But in the moment, it felt like helplessness, unfairness, betrayal. It felt like an unjustified attack, like I'd been framed for the catastrophe. That was my mistake, thinking I'd done something wrong enough to justify such a take no prisoners pre emptive strike. Thinking that my part in our relationship had earned such a response, that somehow I deserved it.

It was this overreach on my part that caused me great agony. When I reduced the scope of what I felt I was responsible for, the shock and awe diminished also. I don't know what happened between all of you. I'm not offering absolution. But I have to tell you, having an appropriate understanding of what was my shit, and what wasn't my shit, made all the shit seem less.

Like I said, this is something for a different season, but I want to plant this seed now. Be reasonable, be honest and you will be able to see what is right for you to be hurt about, and what is not.

I can't imagine you've done anything to deserve this disrespectful action by her.

[classicman]

Beyond words here... I cannot see the other side's reasoning.
She said "I felt that you just wouldn't let me go."
Well Donna has an awfully high opinion of herself.

Then there is this -

I have followed a plan that was developed by myself and my attorney for the past several months.
All accounts with (our bank) have been shut down.
Mortgage has not been paid since Sept.
Utilities have not been paid since Sept.

What atty would justify basically stealing your 1/2 of the money and
leaving the bills unpaid?
This makes no sense at all.
This is beyond cold hearted. It is nothing short of evil. There is more to this than she has let on. The proverbial "other shoe" has not yet dropped. Get professional advice ASAP.

Oh and the consolation that the boyfriend had nothing to do with it?
Yeah right. Spare me.

I am so sorry for you and hate that you are going through this. Please know my thoughts are with you.

[Lamplighter]

What atty would justify basically stealing your 1/2 of the money and
leaving the bills unpaid?
This makes no sense at all.

Attorneys get paid first, then whoever's left gets whatever's left.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Attorneys get paid first, then whoever's left gets whatever's left.

Sounds like politicians.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Attorneys get paid first, then whoever's left gets whatever's left.

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Sounds like politicians.

Aren't virtually all politicians attorneys?