The Black Dog

[Aliantha]

I'm really struggling lately to keep the black dog at bay. It's been a tough year, but I've tried really hard to stay focused on positive things. I think a big part of the problem is that my health has not been good. I started the year with glandular fever, just started feeling on top of game then slammed my hand in the door. Have been dealing with that for 6 months and am just now recovering from a severe sinus infection. Of course there's been my marriage break down and coming to terms with the realisation that it's probably never going to be repaired, and working on top of that and dealing with my oldest son basically being estranged from the family for the whole time (more or less). eta: Also, the drug trial for my psoriasis ended so my skin is way out of control, which has been a struggle getting used to again too.

Do I have a right to feel depressed and should I be giving myself permission to grieve or do I need to go see my doc? I wouldn't say I'm an expert on depression, but I do know what it feels like, and right now, that's how I'm feeling. I really don't care about seeing anyone, and I really don't care much about anyone else's whining, and I have no compassion because I feel like everyone else should just get over it because I have better things to worry about, like myself, but I really don't give a shit about me either. I feel like I could walk under a bus today and it wouldn't matter anyway. Everything just feels pointless.