Putting Out the Lights

[infinite monkey]

Hi Sandy!

I remember you. I laugh at my posts from 2007 because I did change jobs, and went from the frying pan straight into the fire. That's a whole other story!

I will write more later, but I hope you stick with us! I can identify with a lot of your post. I also lost my mom, a little over a year ago, to an insidious form of cancer. I did what I could, but you never think you did enough. Well, that's how my brain works anyway.

Anyway, I do hope you hang in there, as our Ms Sundae did (thankfully!) and let us be your sounding board. We all need that from time to time.

from the Artist Formerly Known as Shawnee123.

[sandypossum]

Thank you so much: Sundae, Glatt, Bruce and Infinite Monkey. Like others before me in this thread, I dreaded finding that no one would respond, but you have all been what I have needed. No "count your blessings and STFU" stuff. I don't have anyone here in the real world who has been able to say anything like this, other than my therapist, who is a real find. And you are all Cellarites that I remember, so even nicer.

I find it hard to think or write clearly these days. My therapist says it is typical when in deep depression. And I cannot multi-task even slightly. My life is a mess in more ways than one. But how the house looks is not really something I worry about.

I felt so sad when I read about Brianna. I remember seeing her in threads, but didn't know how she ended. How did you find out? When did it happen? I would have thought most cellarites would just disappear and you wouldn't know what happened to them. I did see that there was an APB thread for missing cellarites.

Right now I can't think clearly enough to reply to any of your messages properly, but I wanted to give a big, warm, tearful thank you (I am crying now after reading your posts) to all of you for that support, and I will be back to update you.

[lumberjim]

I want you to be alive

[monster]

Originally Posted by sandypossum

And I cannot multi-task even slightly. .

This.

It's like suddenly finding you can't breathe.

I have nothing useful to add, sorry, but please don't turn off the lights. There are others using your light to see their way, even if you don't know them and they don't know you. Just by posting here, you added a lumen or two in someone's pathway.

[DanaC]

Hi Sandy, I don't have any advice to offer I'm afraid - but I do remember you and I am glad you came back to talk to us.

I have some experience of depression - though it's been a long timesince it was bad enough for me to consider anything drastic. I totally get what you mean about knowing you have that option being a comfort. But I really hope you don't avail yourself of it!

There's lots of people in here who suffer, or have suffered depression in all its many forms, from a simple inability to get anything done, to a bleak and seemingly inescapable malaise.

We will always be here to listen.

*hug*

[sandypossum]

I can't believe how lovely you all are.

I recently deactivated my facebook account. I only have "friends" on it that I actually know - I don't collect passing acquaintances to bump up numbers. And I don't usually post status updates on me feeling blah. But just after New Year I did post something about how devastated I felt about two people close to me (unnamed, but meaning Trish and Derek) sticking a knife in me over Christmas, about how abandoned I felt, how I felt the floor being pulled out from under me, how unstable I felt, not knowing any more who I could trust. I got a lot of there-there comments, but nothing as warm and enveloping as this. I feel so grateful to be part of a community like the Cellar. I hope one day I will be able to meet some of you. If you ever come to Australia, you are welcome here, and I mean that sincerely.

[Griff]

Hi Sandy, I'm glad you're back. Facebook is a weird place, I'm not sure what to make of it. The cellar we've made a little more real somehow.

[classicman]

Hiya Sandy. Like several other who have morphed, I'm glad you are back and I'm even more glad the lights are still on.
Hang in there. There all kinds of cool shit coming up in the next couple years - ya gotta bee here to see it though.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by classicman

There all kinds of cool shit coming up in the next couple years - ya gotta bee here to see it though.

It's true. That's not just something you say to be cheerful. We live in the fastest changing times in recorded history. There are going to be some amazing things that we can't even predict in the next decade or two.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by sandypossum

I recently deactivated my facebook account.

Probably a good move as there have been a number of articles recently, with shrinks weighing in on facebook making people unhappy. It's very good at a few tasks, but people heard it was the "in" thing and flocked there trying to do things it's not good at. It has the same weaknesses as the web in general, plus some unique ones.

Don't forget I'm keeping an eye on you, (who do you think left nose prints on your bathroom window), so behave yourself and enjoy the sunrises.

[DanaC]

Yeah faceachebook is not a good place if you're feeling at all fragile. I only go on once every preston guild, just to say hi to a few family members with whom I'd otherwise have no contact, and from time to time it's been necessary for uni stuff. Other than that i avoid it like the plague - I go on maybe three or four times a year.

I have extended family members who've had the worst fucking fallouts over facebook. Really stupid, he said she said, nonsense, all played out on the world wide fucking web. Then next thing is there are actual bona fide family fucking feuds over someone unfriending somebody else. I swear to God.

At such times I am heartily glad I am on the other side of the Pennines from them and only an infrequent passerby on facebook.

[xoxoxoBruce]

I heard someone say "once every Preston Guild" in conversation earlier, an expression I had not heard in years. It is a Lancashire expression meaning 'very rarely'.

Oh.

[sandypossum]

I'm not sure this link will work, but here goes. I happened to read this article online yesterday and I have already sent Dr Segrave an email asking if there is a chance I could participate in the study. It's a little light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Right now you guys are the ones along the side of my tunnel, keeping me upright and walking in the right direction. Thank you again, all of you. This has meant so much to me.

[infinite monkey]

Do whatever it takes. Find what works for you. I'm sending positive vibes the best I can.

You are loved. That means something.

[monster]

I'm sending potatoes. Because my eyes are tired and I misread and (mis)filled in the blanks of what infi was sending and I thought how nice, potatoes are a good comfort food.... bit of a weird thing to mail, but hey, this is The Cellar.... I should probably go to bed.