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#8371 |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Addendum - our settlement hasn't even been properly finalized, due to the lawyer's incompetence. The guy never sent me the quit-claim deed for our property, and never did the papers for splitting the pension. At the moment I'm 'up' in my ex's view because the property is worth more than the pension. But they aren't linked; my ex put a number on the property and offered me half of that. It's a little inflated in today's market but won't be in a few years. The pension has done the same as all pensions in recent years and isn't as much as the property, but that's not the point - they aren't linked.
The incompetent lawyer isn't the one I consulted in private; I need to contact MY lawyer now and get his help in enforcing the settlement, clearly. Get the quit-claim deed done, get the pension split, so there aren't any muddied waters. Letting go of the property is a wrench, as I mentioned before - it was always much more MY place, my woods, my gardens, my place (except for the perfect house). But it isn't worth my freedom. Freedom is scary, though. I know others here are going through the same thing. I don't know whether, in a year and a half, I'll have a job or health insurance. I may be uninsured with cancer. I may have no job to go to, or a job that fails to provide either the insurance I need or the income to pay my medical expenses. I can't return to Canada instantly; I'll have to write Board exams and get licensed, which will take at least a year. I wouldn't have insurance there for at least three months after being physically present; so a minimum of fifteen months uninsured. And then there's the issue of having insurance but no care. So where do you turn when you've done everything you were supposed to all your life, and paid your dues, tried your best, and still everything crashes and burns? I'm not the only one. What do people do?
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi ![]() Last edited by orthodoc; 11-04-2012 at 11:14 PM. |
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#8372 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
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Lawyers? Don't you have one in-house now?
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
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#8373 |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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I suppose.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi ![]() |
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#8374 |
Doctor Wtf
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Badelaide, Baustralia
Posts: 12,861
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Ah, yeah, good point. Had forgotten that. I was thinking of sic-ing him onto your current lawyer.
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Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl. |
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#8375 |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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That would be a possibility.
At this point I'm having trouble thinking ahead. There's something demoralizing about being found not good enough - not worth the effort - on one hand, and worth only as much as it takes to keep an estate together, on the other. Makes it tempting to just chuck the game altogether.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi ![]() |
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#8376 |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Hmm, so the choices are...
Acquiesce to his Or, get a pitbull lawyer and stick to your plan, by making him stick to the agreement, and risking have everything blow up in your face. Of course the first option, putting him back in control, may result in him pressuring you(or at least trying to), to give up your professional goals, preferring to have you safe at home away from bad influences... at least long enough to rearrange his finances. Even if he allowed you to continue, you'd have the stress of having failed to make the break you wanted, plus almost certain the stress you felt before you made the break. The second option gives you the stress of fighting for what was previously supposed to be settled, and the possibility of not being physically strong enough to finish school/licensing. In other words, failure. Looks like either way it won't be easy, so I guess it comes down to whether making the break was necessary, or just looked like a better option. How bad do you want it, what will you risk to try? Well after all that thinking out loud (blovating) I wish I had some sage advice. But it looks to me like you're the only one that can make the decision. ![]()
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#8377 |
Encroaching on your decrees
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland
Posts: 7,016
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Oh Orthodoc, I wish I had some sage advice, too. You are in my thoughts - I wish you the clarity to see what you need to do and the strength to carry out your decisions.
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Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of ![]() |
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#8378 | |
We have to go back, Kate!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
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What the others have said. Sorry things have got so damned difficult, honey. Whatever your decision we'll still be here to provide a collective shoulder and ear.
*hugs*
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#8379 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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I wish I could help in some tangible way-all this bullshit you have to go thru and being so sick on top of it!
Love rays your way, orthodoc. ![]()
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
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#8380 | |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Quote:
I was starting to toy with the idea that the ex and I could be friends, could maybe go on a few trips as friends, share some things. He's the devil I know (less scary than taking on devils I don't) and as long as he kept on as he was, it would've been feasible. It's when old patterns and behaviors show up, like the fanatical control over money thing, and the desire to have life arranged to his convenience (my work included), that my spirits drop and I don't know that this can work. If I go it alone I may fail totally. I may get really sick later in chemo and lose time/lose my job; I may have a recurrence within 18 months (lots of women do), and be without insurance right when I need more chemo; I may really crash and burn. Is it wrong to return to the property that's really MINE, take comfort in that, and try to keep my boundaries up? It's obviously going to be an ongoing battle. And the issue of having worked so hard to get away, only to get sucked back in. It's all too much. I don't think I can make this decision tonight. It's just depressing that the facade only lasted such a short time. Guess it's better to know early on, like with my 'friend' who turned out not to be one.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi ![]() |
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#8381 | |
The future is unwritten
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 71,105
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Quote:
Is there anyway to establish Canadian residency, like buying property, or renting an address, without/before actually moving there?
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The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump. |
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#8382 | |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Quote:
You are expected to carry private insurance to cover the waiting period, to cover all non-covered services (eg physio, medications, eye exams, etc. - the list expands year by year), and to cover medical costs while traveling. I will/would have more difficulty getting private insurance there than here. There are no policies in place to prevent cherry-picking. With my health issues, I wouldn't get coverage. Eta - you have to prove that Ontario is your primary residence too, not just one of your residences. Ontario driver's license, pay stubs, copies of Ontario tax returns, etc.
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi ![]() Last edited by orthodoc; 11-06-2012 at 05:22 AM. |
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#8383 |
Goon Squad Leader
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
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heya ortho...
I have a question. your ex, did he suggest that he wants to remarry **you**??
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Be Just and Fear Not. |
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#8384 |
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,774
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Ah, I see I didn't actually make that clear in my first post ... yes, it's *me* he wants to remarry asap.
Things would be so much simpler if he had someone else in mind and just wanted to get the settlement finalized. ![]()
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The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi ![]() |
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#8385 |
Werepandas - lurking in your shadows
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: In the Deep South
Posts: 3,408
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Marry him!!!! Then Gravdigr, Busterb, and I can take on a little trip to the old sewage lagoon.
Of course I am just kidding, in the case he comes up missing or something.
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Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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