What's mildly amusing you today?

[infinite monkey]

Local online news:

The argument escalated and Drunkman stabbed the victim with a pocket knife on his face close to his throat, The keystone cops said.

That's freaking talented. I don't know if the knife was attached with some sort of harness device or if he had it surgically implanted for just such arguments.

[Lamplighter]

The world needs us...
- too much blood
- too much greed
- too much ego
... Whistlers, we can clean it up.

[ZenGum]

Drop in to see the student counsellor, she was talking on the phone. I'd missed the start.

Yes, we've been calling you for several days.

Yes, you do have to call us if you can't attend.

Yes, the exam was this morning, yes.

No, we don't set you another one, unless you have a good reason like a medical condition.

...

No, that is not an acceptable reason. We will have to give you zero for the exam.

...

Hello?

Yes, you have an exam tomorrow. One every day this week, in fact.

...

No, you do have to attend, or you will get zero.

...

Well, when does the European cup* end?




*probably makes more sense if you know the games are shown on TV at about 3 am.

[Clodfobble]

That's funny Zen, I just came in here to relate a humorous phone experience:

Phone rings, caller ID says the name is "Important Phone Call," which is a gambit I've never seen a telemarketer use before. I'm amused enough to actually answer it.

There is a very long pause, until finally a young man comes on and asks incredulously, "Are you from Texas?!" Like, the same way one would say, "Are you serious?!"

I hung up after that, but not before he heard me laughing. I wish I'd stayed on the line just to hear what in the world he could have been hawking.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by ZenGum

"Note" books now serving as monitor stand.

That's sad. Not.

[ZenGum]

Well you see, young fellow, the reason that you can't find your Economics exam on the seating list is because that exam is on tomorrow.
Don't go away, though. Since you're in the foundation program, you must be doing Critical Thinking, right? Good, the exam for that is now, you should probably do that. Here's your seat number. Got your pens and pencils? Student card? In you go now!

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

That's funny Zen, I just came in here to relate a humorous phone experience:

Phone rings, caller ID says the name is "Important Phone Call," which is a gambit I've never seen a telemarketer use before. I'm amused enough to actually answer it.

There is a very long pause, until finally a young man comes on and asks incredulously, "Are you from Texas?!" Like, the same way one would say, "Are you serious?!"

I hung up after that, but not before he heard me laughing. I wish I'd stayed on the line just to hear what in the world he could have been hawking.

Next time put the number in Google search, and you can probably find out.

[ZenGum]

Q 12. If there are 150 students who are supposed to sit a mathematics exam today, and three turn up without calculators, three turn up more than 30 minutes late so that they must be refused entry, and three don't turn up at all, what percentage are total doofuses?

Fun fact: one of the late arrivals scraped in at 29 minutes 45 seconds late yesterday.

[Sundae]

Yesterday I looked through the pictures in a book with Tiger.
We were due to start reading it. This helps children gain an idea of the narrative and allows them to decode unfamiliar words using context.

Seeing a spider illustrated, I used our old family word of bider. Look, Tiger! Bider.
Of course we then had a discussion abour spiders and biders and what the difference was.
I did not continue the fiction, but explained that this was a word used when I was growing up as my brother could not pronounce spider correctly.
All fine, all understood.

Except today, when actually reading the book, he identified the creature in the picture as a bider. He had counted the legs and there were six. In fact two were raised ready to walk, but Tiger assumed they were antennae (without knowing the actual word) as we have looked at mini-beasts in Science this year.

That's a bider Mrs Sundae, isn't it? A bider is different to a spider. But this one is a bider.

It didn't affect his reading, and was irrelevant in the story as it was just a detail in the illustration. But Note to self: do not assume you can explain whimsical anecdotes to an autistic boy.
In general I use humour to indulge in flights of fancy, to develop his understanding of idioms. Biders were a factual-sounding step too far.

[Gravdigr]

I was checking out a Wiki article about groins. No, not yours and mine, these groins (groynes in England) are used to help control shore erosion.

However, w/my juvenile mind in, uh, ahem, high gear, so to speak, I was breaking up reading this article.

Picking and choosing phrases gives us these gems:

A groyne (groin in the United States) is a rigid hydraulic structure...

All of a groyne may be under water, in which case it is a submerged groyne.

Groynes are generally made of wood, concrete, or rock...

A groyne's length and elevation,...

Groynes that are too long or too high...

Groynes that are too short, too low, or too permeable...

Flanking may occur if a groyne does not extend far enough...

...groynes are often constructed...with a root...and a head.

Groynes can be distinguished by how they are constructed...

Groynes can be attracting,...or repelling.

Attracting groynes point downstream...

Repelling groynes point upstream...

Groynes can be built with different...shapes. Examples are straight groynes, T head, L head, hockey stick, inverted hockey stick groynes, straight groynes with pier head,...and tail groynes.

What shape is your groin? And, how permeable is it?

[infinite monkey]

Funny!

[plthijinx]

mine is occupied by a slightly larger than normal dick, a couple nuts and an asshole.

(good one by the way grave! )

[Clodfobble]

Tonight's dinner is amusingly phallic. Sausages, sweet potato fries, and asparagus.

[monster]

which did you bite first?

[jimhelm]

Shes getting laid right now. You'll have to wait

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