I'm polyamorous and into the BDSM lifestyle as a switch and bottom.

[BrianR]

I'm stunned that no one has asked me yet.

ME! The resident perv and kinky old man.

I've been part of the D/s scene for over twenty years, at all levels. I've hobnobbed with the major players, minor ones and even the beginners. I've tried about everything I intend to (there ARE limits, even for me) and witnessed many things that squick me out.

I understand exactly what Treas is saying, even if it's not perfectly expressed. Her head seems to be screwed on straight and she has a healthy outlook on her fantasies. As long as they don't dominate her everyday existence, she will likely enjoy her experiences.

The dichotomy of power exchange is very difficult to articulate. The bottom has the power because s/he holds the ultimate veto and the Top is honor-bound to honor it. The Top holds the power because the bottom grants it, and can withdraw it at any time.

The bottom experiences pleasure by acting out his/her fantasy in a safe way. The Top gets his/her pleasure by being granted the power and allows the Top to act out a nice fantasy too. Sometimes that fantasy allows the bottom to pleasure the Top directly, but not always.

D/s is not the be all and end all of sex, much as ground beef and white bread are not the epitome of food. Sure, they are good and yummy and all, but they are enhanced by the addition of condiments and spices, no? D/s is a sexual "spice". I still enjoy regular sex, but once in a while it's fun to play and enjoy something different.

There are countless books and studies out there that attempt to define and pigeonhole perverts (I use the term in a good way) but none really hit the mark. Only those who have a positive experience of some flavor of D/s really understand.

And more of you have experimented than realize it!

A little slap and tickle in the bedroom? Love bites? Ever had him hold your hands over your head while you engage in intercourse? Then you've tried D/s. Ever done role-playing? Worn a costume of some kind in the bedroom? Even a blindfold? Yep! You too. Maybe you have whispered dirty words in your lovers' ear before or during the act. Still D/s. True, these things do not quite rise to the stratospheric levels of bullwhips, needles, torches, knives (see, I got them in somewhere!) and more extreme forms of play, but still they fall into that category.

Bet you didn't realize what you were doing, did you?

I once gave nearly the same speech on Philly After Midnight a few years ago. I still don't think I managed to communicate the nuances to the interviewer or the viewers. Maybe I should have used makeup. I did look a little washed-out and paler than usual. Oh well, too late now.

I entertain questions.

Brian

[classicman]

What monster said - its just parenting 001!

[xoxoxoBruce]

What? You're not allowed to put your feet up and relax, with an adult beverage, while they sleep, until they're 18? Then there's a shitload of bad parents in this country... every night.

[monster]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

What? You're not allowed to put your feet up and relax, with an adult beverage, while they sleep, until they're 18? Then there's a shitload of bad parents in this country... every night.

of course you are. but when they're so little they can't tell you what's wrong and they can't physically come to you and and and.... AND YOU"RE A SINGLE PARENT and they don't have older sibs......... it is not OK to get smashed alone once your baby is asleep. that's why it's so damned hard to be a single parent. I couldn't do it, that's for sure. i guess this stands out for me because I find it pretty irritating when beest is out of town to have to keep it to drivable levels just in case -and when you're the only parent and can't call in reinforcements, somehow you want that beer at the end of the day a little more....

But trea was writing about being responsible in this area and has mentioned that she has a tough time getting stuff into words, so i'm pretty sure this discussion is entirely unnecessary anyway.

[classicman]

I agree Bruce - there are a shitload of bad parents in this country... every night. HYPOTHETICALLY - I don't think it is wise, nor ok for a single parent being the only responsible adult in the house to get drunk to the point of passing out.

[xoxoxoBruce]

She said one beer.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

She said one beer.

No she said "Anything more than that happens only after she is asleep, or if Ted is present to watch her for me."
Which is why I said HYPOTHETICALLY - I was specifically NOT talking about her.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Bah, ya can't hide your loathing diatribe behind a "HYPOTHETICALLY", ya dogooder.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Bah, ya can't hide your loathing diatribe behind a "HYPOTHETICALLY", ya dogooder.

Ahhh but my children are much older now and I have already sacrificed PLENTY. As one with an alcoholic drug abusing ex, I know all too well what the fuck goes on and what HAS to be done and what sacrifices need be made. I made them and I don't regret one single second of any of it.

[Aliantha]

Daryl and I often share a bottle of wine when the kids have gone to bed. Actually, it usually starts at dinner and then we polish it off.

Technically that'd put both of us over the limit if we were to drive, but either one of us could certainly dial 000 if it were an emergency.

[monster]

Originally Posted by Aliantha

either one of us could certainly dial 000 if it were an emergency.

the buggers here make you find two different buttons on the phone, though




The thing is there are two of you.... if one of you overdoes it and passes out, there's back-up. And a bottle of wine between you over the course of an evening is not going to shove you far over "the limit". When he's away, do you do the bottle by yourself (or rather, did you when the kids were tiny?)

[Aliantha]

There were lots of nights after my Mum died when I drank myself into a stupor then took pills and passed out. I know it was the wrong thing to do now, but at the time it was pretty hard not to. Many nights I felt like I would have been completely happy to never wake up again. It's probably only thanks to the kids that I never quite took that step right over the edge.

Maybe it sounds pathetic, but I couldn't cope when she was gone, and she was my back up as a single parent...so I felt like I had none.

Anyway, I think people who're in these situations need support not judgement. I was lucky. Just plain lucky that the above mentioned behaviours, and a number of other risky behaviours didn't end in tragedy. I think it's why I have tried in the past to help out when I have felt mothers or parents weren't coping. Sometimes it helps. Other times not, but I'll keep on doing it for the sake of the kids, and in the hope that the parent/s see that they've got more to live for than they think.

[Treasenuak]

WOW, I leave for two days and THIS is what happens?! BrianR... THANK you for expressing me better than I can do it myself. And Monster: You were right. Wording error. I should have said after she's asleep AND Ted is there to watch her for me. Just in case. Thanks for the catch!

[monster]

trease, sounds like you're doing an awesome job in a tough situ and making sure you don't lose sight of your own needs. good on ya.

[Treasenuak]

-blushes- Thank you, Monster... that you should say so means a lot to me. It's been a bit of an uphill fight to get to a place where I am stable enough (mentally as well as with my living situation and such) that I can take care of my child AND satisfy my own baser cravings. It's good to hear an encouraging word now and then