CyberBully - Page 6

zippyt · 03-28-2009, 01:11 AM

Ya Bully Classic !!!!

xoxoxoBruce · 03-28-2009, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

There is a culture (in my country and in yours I believe) of machismo when it comes to bullying. One is not supposed to 'lie down and take it', one is supposed to 'fight back.

That's because over hundreds, maybe thousands, of years, we've discovered it's the only thing that always works.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

The bullying stopped when I kicked the shit out of Queen Hockey Bitch in the middle of an art class. But I'd already figured out people are less likely to want to fight you if they think you are dangerously unpredictable and suicidally reckless.

As you proved for the billionth time.

DanaC · 03-28-2009, 07:44 AM

No I didnt prove it. Because that wasnt the first timei had faced down the bullies. It wasnt even the first time I'd faced down that particular bully. Facing down bullies didn't stop it happening. Not for most of my childhood.

What made that particular incident effective was that it was a vicious attack and took place in the middle of a classroom (I also accidentally punched the teacher who tried to intervene). I should not , as a 15 year old, have had to resort to beating someone bloody in order to buy myself a modicum of peace.

Actually, I didn't even beat her up to stop her bullying me. She'd started on my friend. And I had had enough.

The trouble is Classic, I think maybe you have a skewed view of what bullying is actually like. In particular with teenage girls. It's not crowding round you in the playground and stealing your lunch (though that happens) it's not waiting for you at the school gate and kicking the shit out of you (though that also is a part of it). With girls it's more subtle and destructive than that. It's a very social form of bullying with girls.

Pie · 03-28-2009, 10:00 AM

Social ostracism, jeers, taunts.. it's hard to substantiate beating someone to a pulp when all they've used against you is words.

I would have been expelled and kicked out of the house had I laid a hand on another student.

Shawnee123 · 03-28-2009, 10:13 AM

I've been thinking a lot about this, and remembering how cruel kids could be. There was a girl in elementary school who was picked on quite a bit. For even a few years after HS, she would call me because, as she told my mom, I was one of the few people who was nice to her.

Listening to your stories has opened up a side of the situation I had never really examined before, I guess. I do know that I had cruel moments, but I also remember many instances of being the one who stood up for people. Still, looking back, I wish I had done more.

DanaC · 03-28-2009, 10:40 AM

Kids are kids. The problem is that adults need to be adults and know when to intervene and how to spot signs that a kid is in trouble. That applies both to bullied and bully. If it goes unchecked and the 'code of silence' prevails whlst young, then it sows seeds potentially for later bullying or aggressive and controlling behaviour in adulthood.

Learning how to interact and survive in groups is an important part of growing up and being human. But the environments in which we expect our young to acquire those social skills is quite an artificial one. 1200 kids gathered in one building, loosely grouped in 30s and 40s. It's very easy to get lost in there. As an adult I can walk away. A co-worker makes my life hell, a boss unreasonably focuses on my faults to the exclusion of others, the culture I find myself in doesn't really fit my personality...I can walk away. I have the ultimate sanction on any bullying behaviour in the workplace because I am not legally obliged to remain.

Wtf does a kid do? When they just don't fit into a 1200 strong community. What do they do, if a teacher hates them and keeps picking on them, what do they do if their classmates don't like them, or if they hate going into the building so much it makes them feel physically sick? What if they just can't get past the overwhelming rage they feel and theyre stuck with people who look down on them and call them stupid; maybe they keep getting into trouble, beating up on younger kids and have no idea why theyre doing it. Unless they have parents able and willing to homeschool them, or with the money and resources to try out different schools, they are stuck. Legally bound to be in a place where they are tormented.

If we as adults are expecting them to spend five years or more in an institution with no right to refuse or to argue for terms, we damn well have a duty to ensure they aren't undergoing huge psychological stress whilst there.

capnhowdy · 03-28-2009, 12:36 PM

I was bullied briefly in the second grade. An asshole who should have been in third (I've always thought that coz he was way bigger than all of us) held out his hand and demanded my milk nickle. So I stabbed him through the hand with a pencil and then again in the back as he ran away.

Funny thing... we never saw that kid again. My mom had to come get me from school and whipped the shit outa me but I was back in school the next day. Never got bullied again. EVAH.

Cyber bullying is way different though in that you can't stab them with pencils online. But you can get your mod to run his IP address and help you locate him and THEN kill him. Or you could just turn your machine off.

lumberjim · 03-28-2009, 12:49 PM

backstabber!

Undertoad · 03-28-2009, 12:52 PM

In my situation the adults helped make me a target. A 6th grade teacher was an asshole to me, a 7th grade chemistry teacher slapped me hard across the face after I pushed my friend's books off the table, a 7th grade guidance counselor simply looked the other way. Adults don't protect victims just because they're adults. Sometimes they have the same bullying instincts as the kids do.

I stabbed one of my bullyers with a pencil in 7th grade. It had no effect.

DanaC · 03-28-2009, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Undertoad

In my situation the adults helped make me a target. A 6th grade teacher was an asshole to me, a 7th grade chemistry teacher slapped me hard across the face after I pushed my friend's books off the table, a 7th grade guidance counselor simply looked the other way. Adults don't protect victims just because they're adults. Sometimes they have the same bullying instincts as the kids do.

I stabbed one of my bullyers with a pencil in 7th grade. It had no effect.

Unfortunately that matches some of my experience UT. Games (PE) teachers were the worst for that, but I recall two other teachers who effectively sanctioned the bullying. For example: once I'd been ostracised by my entire year, I cuoldn't just enter a class and take a seat. Because of overcrowding issues, there were often too few places in a class and someone wuold have to tag themselves onto the end of a desk, making a two place desk into a three place desk. Each time I'd enter my French class I'd try and find somewhere to sit and at each desk I'd get hissed at "Fuck off, dont sit here" " Eww, dont sit here dirty bitch" (dirty = eczema). I'd be fretting and trying not to show it, trying to find somewhere where I am not being hissed at. The teacher on more than one occasion shouted at me to 'Stop fussing and find a seat". She cannot have been unaware. Id been ostracised for nearly a year and I know there'd been a crisis meeting between my teachers and parents.

Not unusual.

Clodfobble · 03-28-2009, 01:13 PM

Teachers can make it worse by trying to help, too. In fourth grade I was sitting alone on the playground, as was usual and fine with me, and the teacher came up and wanted to know why I wasn't playing with the other kids. Well, the short answer was they didn't like me and I was happier being alone. Oh no, she insisted, that can't be true. She marched me over to the large group of popular kids and ordered them to stop ostracizing me and "let" me play with them. Yeah, that didn't have any unintended consequences as soon as her back was turned again, no sirree.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-28-2009, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

I should not , as a 15 year old, have had to resort to beating someone bloody in order to buy myself a modicum of peace.

Nonsense, that's the only valid reason, and even if it doesn't stop that bully, others will think twice about piling on. Plus it feels so right.

Quote:

The trouble is Classic, I think maybe you have a skewed view of what bullying is actually like. In particular with teenage girls. It's not crowding round you in the playground and stealing your lunch (though that happens) it's not waiting for you at the school gate and kicking the shit out of you (though that also is a part of it). With girls it's more subtle and destructive than that. It's a very social form of bullying with girls.

Maybe because girls are more susceptible, they're sensitive to that social standing shit.
Mind over matter... if you don't mind it don't matter.
We social clods can't be socially bullied, gotta get physical with us. That eliminates a lot of the bullies from the git go, and provides the opportunity to stop a lot of the rest right quick.

capnhowdy · 03-28-2009, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

backstabber!

The fucker shouldn't have run. I was going for his eye.

sugarpop · 03-28-2009, 10:46 PM

Something that seems to have gotten missed here in this discussion, is that bullying isn't about teasing, it isn't "all in fun," it isn't a game, it's about POWER and CONTROL, plain and simple. Bullies seek to humiliate others in order to gain power over them through FEAR and INTIMIDATION. You could say they are mini-terrorists, without the bombs. After all, they are tormenting people, causing them to feel terror.

It comes from a place of weakness in the bully, weakness of character, fear (they are probably being abused in some way themselves, or neglected), feelings of inadequecy. So in order to feel powerful, and fearless, and OK, they prey on others who are weaker. The really sad thing is, many times the ones who get preyed upon are not really weaker, they are just unprepared to deal with the situation because let's face it, kids aren't given the skills they need to combat that particular kind of cruelty.

While I was never bullied, there was this one retarded girl at my school that other people liked to bully. I always stood up for her. I always tried to shame the people who were bullying or making fun of her. I have always been that way. I also say shit to people when they litter. Or when people are cruel to animals.

I have to say though, a part of me has grown cold to the cruelty in the world. If it wasn't, it would break me. There is just too much of it out there, and nothing is being done about it.

sugarpop · 03-28-2009, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

The bullying stopped when I kicked the shit out of Queen Hockey Bitch in the middle of an art class. But I'd already figured out people are less likely to want to fight you if they think you are dangerously unpredictable and suicidally reckless.

Have you ever seen the show WEEDS? (Scene with Shane at his new school in the lunchroom.

)

03-28-2009, 01:11 AM	#76
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Ya Bully Classic !!!! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

03-28-2009, 10:00 AM	#79
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Social ostracism, jeers, taunts.. it's hard to substantiate beating someone to a pulp when all they've used against you is words. I would have been expelled and kicked out of the house had I laid a hand on another student. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

03-28-2009, 10:13 AM	#80
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	I've been thinking a lot about this, and remembering how cruel kids could be. There was a girl in elementary school who was picked on quite a bit. For even a few years after HS, she would call me because, as she told my mom, I was one of the few people who was nice to her. Listening to your stories has opened up a side of the situation I had never really examined before, I guess. I do know that I had cruel moments, but I also remember many instances of being the one who stood up for people. Still, looking back, I wish I had done more. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

03-28-2009, 12:36 PM	#82
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	I was bullied briefly in the second grade. An asshole who should have been in third (I've always thought that coz he was way bigger than all of us) held out his hand and demanded my milk nickle. So I stabbed him through the hand with a pencil and then again in the back as he ran away. Funny thing... we never saw that kid again. My mom had to come get me from school and whipped the shit outa me but I was back in school the next day. Never got bullied again. EVAH. Cyber bullying is way different though in that you can't stab them with pencils online. But you can get your mod to run his IP address and help you locate him and THEN kill him. Or you could just turn your machine off. __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

03-28-2009, 12:49 PM	#83
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	backstabber! __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-28-2009, 07:44 AM	#78
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	No I didnt prove it. Because that wasnt the first timei had faced down the bullies. It wasnt even the first time I'd faced down that particular bully. Facing down bullies didn't stop it happening. Not for most of my childhood. What made that particular incident effective was that it was a vicious attack and took place in the middle of a classroom (I also accidentally punched the teacher who tried to intervene). I should not , as a 15 year old, have had to resort to beating someone bloody in order to buy myself a modicum of peace. Actually, I didn't even beat her up to stop her bullying me. She'd started on my friend. And I had had enough. The trouble is Classic, I think maybe you have a skewed view of what bullying is actually like. In particular with teenage girls. It's not crowding round you in the playground and stealing your lunch (though that happens) it's not waiting for you at the school gate and kicking the shit out of you (though that also is a part of it). With girls it's more subtle and destructive than that. It's a very social form of bullying with girls.

03-28-2009, 10:40 AM	#81
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Kids are kids. The problem is that adults need to be adults and know when to intervene and how to spot signs that a kid is in trouble. That applies both to bullied and bully. If it goes unchecked and the 'code of silence' prevails whlst young, then it sows seeds potentially for later bullying or aggressive and controlling behaviour in adulthood. Learning how to interact and survive in groups is an important part of growing up and being human. But the environments in which we expect our young to acquire those social skills is quite an artificial one. 1200 kids gathered in one building, loosely grouped in 30s and 40s. It's very easy to get lost in there. As an adult I can walk away. A co-worker makes my life hell, a boss unreasonably focuses on my faults to the exclusion of others, the culture I find myself in doesn't really fit my personality...I can walk away. I have the ultimate sanction on any bullying behaviour in the workplace because I am not legally obliged to remain. Wtf does a kid do? When they just don't fit into a 1200 strong community. What do they do, if a teacher hates them and keeps picking on them, what do they do if their classmates don't like them, or if they hate going into the building so much it makes them feel physically sick? What if they just can't get past the overwhelming rage they feel and theyre stuck with people who look down on them and call them stupid; maybe they keep getting into trouble, beating up on younger kids and have no idea why theyre doing it. Unless they have parents able and willing to homeschool them, or with the money and resources to try out different schools, they are stuck. Legally bound to be in a place where they are tormented. If we as adults are expecting them to spend five years or more in an institution with no right to refuse or to argue for terms, we damn well have a duty to ensure they aren't undergoing huge psychological stress whilst there.

03-28-2009, 12:52 PM	#84
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	In my situation the adults helped make me a target. A 6th grade teacher was an asshole to me, a 7th grade chemistry teacher slapped me hard across the face after I pushed my friend's books off the table, a 7th grade guidance counselor simply looked the other way. Adults don't protect victims just because they're adults. Sometimes they have the same bullying instincts as the kids do. I stabbed one of my bullyers with a pencil in 7th grade. It had no effect.

03-28-2009, 01:13 PM	#86
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Teachers can make it worse by trying to help, too. In fourth grade I was sitting alone on the playground, as was usual and fine with me, and the teacher came up and wanted to know why I wasn't playing with the other kids. Well, the short answer was they didn't like me and I was happier being alone. Oh no, she insisted, that can't be true. She marched me over to the large group of popular kids and ordered them to stop ostracizing me and "let" me play with them. Yeah, that didn't have any unintended consequences as soon as her back was turned again, no sirree. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

03-28-2009, 10:46 PM	#89
sugarpop Professor Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: the edge of the abyss Posts: 1,947	Something that seems to have gotten missed here in this discussion, is that bullying isn't about teasing, it isn't "all in fun," it isn't a game, it's about POWER and CONTROL, plain and simple. Bullies seek to humiliate others in order to gain power over them through FEAR and INTIMIDATION. You could say they are mini-terrorists, without the bombs. After all, they are tormenting people, causing them to feel terror. It comes from a place of weakness in the bully, weakness of character, fear (they are probably being abused in some way themselves, or neglected), feelings of inadequecy. So in order to feel powerful, and fearless, and OK, they prey on others who are weaker. The really sad thing is, many times the ones who get preyed upon are not really weaker, they are just unprepared to deal with the situation because let's face it, kids aren't given the skills they need to combat that particular kind of cruelty. While I was never bullied, there was this one retarded girl at my school that other people liked to bully. I always stood up for her. I always tried to shame the people who were bullying or making fun of her. I have always been that way. I also say shit to people when they litter. Or when people are cruel to animals. I have to say though, a part of me has grown cold to the cruelty in the world. If it wasn't, it would break me. There is just too much of it out there, and nothing is being done about it.

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