What's upsetting you today?

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by limey

FTFY

Perfect fix.

[orthodoc]

^wss^ Sundae, you are an awesome daughter and overall person. Your dad will love the vouchers. That's what will matter in five years. Plus the fact that you bought him a birthday cake and carried it all the way across town.

[DanaC]

You listenin' to this, Chezzer?* They're right y'know.

[Sundae]

I'm listening. You know I can never internalise it though.

When I'm in a bad way I look at old threads - specially my "travel" threads and take in the good comments. Feel I've achieved something. Because I've shown something people haven't seen before, or turned a phrase that someone else enjoys.

Me being a good person? Step too far.

Dads got his vouchers today.
He was made up.
I forgot through all the drama, that he didn't actually know what was supposed to be arriving
New wastepaper bin arrived in the same post - because Diz chewed the hell out of the wicker one in my room and the one in here. Trialled my new one for 2 weeks, then got one for this room. So Mum was all cheery-glad too.

This is in the right thread this time. Because it's a resolution to something I posted about here.

But like a pervy businessman, I'm grateful for a Happy Ending.

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I'm listening. You know I can never internalise it though.

When I'm in a bad way I look at old threads - specially my "travel" threads and take in the good comments. Feel I've achieved something. Because I've shown something people haven't seen before, or turned a phrase that someone else enjoys.

Me being a good person? Step too far.

Dads got his vouchers today.
He was made up.
I forgot through all the drama, that he didn't actually know what was supposed to be arriving
New wastepaper bin arrived in the same post - because Diz chewed the hell out of the wicker one in my room and the one in here. Trialled my new one for 2 weeks, then got one for this room. So Mum was all cheery-glad too.

This is in the right thread this time. Because it's a resolution to something I posted about here.

But like a pervy businessman, I'm grateful for a Happy Ending.

We've all seen the evidence that you're a good person Sundae. Even if you don't believe, know that we all do. I just can't believe that such a nice person as yourself cannot internalize that. I know how hard you've worked on yourself, keep working and I know you'll get there. You know that recently I was low enough to try to kill myself, I'm no longer feeling that way and I feel like a good person. There are others here who have felt the same, and turned it around. I'm not gonna tell you that if we can do it, so can you, but just know there is hope.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I forgot through all the drama, that he didn't actually know what was supposed to be arriving New wastepaper bin arrived in the same post

I can see him now. "Why Sundae, a new bin! Just what I've always wanted!"

[Sundae]

I don't know what he'd have made of the tight fitting dress then!

Pics when I lose another stone - I thought I could rock it as is, but Mum said, "Well a bit off here" boobs "and quite a bit off here" belly "and it will look okay!"
I agreed.
Anything to get out of the convo and stop her touching me.
She's prolly right anyway. I bought it on a whim ina smaller size than I can really wear.

Glasgow this year, if we do it. And if I make it.

[Ocean's Edge]

Long story short: young lady daughter, with a certificate in digital animation and a case of high functioning autism ... moved in with college friends in Ottawa last August after graduation before we packed up everything and moved to rural Nova Scotia.

Things haven't been working out so well for her there (although she's done well with keeping her financial situation relatively stable) .... so she's decided that it's not working and when her friends give up their current apartment in July - she won't be moving with them.

This sucks on all sorts of levels of SUCKatude.

I'm hoping her emotionally useless but financially stable father living in the GTA will see fit to try and rebuild his relationship with her (not a falling out, more a 'he never bothers to call') and allow her to move in with him and his new wife (whom she does like) ... while I hate the idea of her living with my ex - she is grown up now and the job opportunities will be better there as will the possibilities for counseling / therapy / doctors / services / something to deal with the emotional issues that have made the whole thing so hard for her.

I do still have close friends in southern ontario who will be able to keep a look out for her, provide emotional, and advocacy support for her ... if that works out. It's again... not making me happy, but it's reasonably the better opportunity for her.

I'm not holding my breath that the asshole will show any kindness or support to his child ...

In which case I may have to fly to Ottawa, rent a truck, drive her here .. in late June / early July .... something we really can't afford to do, we will find her doctors and supports and therapy here .... but jobs are gonna be very hard to come by - we're a 45 min drive to the nearest town .... and even that is a pretty depressed area job wise..... it's gonna be hard enough for ME to find a job to keep us going...

Love her to bits, the Feychild is a bright and shining light and an amazing person, and never never never in 10,000 years will I ever tell my children they can't come home to us to be safe, I'm just not sure right now how safe any of us are.

Not upset at her or with her, but for her.

F**K!

[orthodoc]

Chemo isn't done with me. My nails keep detaching. It's very upsetting, feels like my body is disintegrating bit by bit. I cover the weirdness up with nail polish but it just detaches the next day anyway.

[morethanpretty]

Ocean, I hope it all works out.

Ortho, this too shall pass. Have you tried biotin or is it something you're not supposed to take? Its suppose to help nails grow stronger and I know my sis takes it because some of her meds weaken her nails too.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

Chemo isn't done with me. My nails keep detaching. It's very upsetting, feels like my body is disintegrating bit by bit. I cover the weirdness up with nail polish but it just detaches the next day anyway.

I just helped a friend who was videotaping a performance by another friend of ours who is a 15 year post breast cancer survivor.

At her five year mark she and her sister composed a song which she sang to tonight to the tune of My Country 'tis of Thee and now, one beer later I don't remember it. I'll have to ask her to email it to me. It was pretty funny.

I guess, I'm saying that it sucks now and you will live to be able to write bawdy song parodies about this shitty time.

hugs.

[Sundae]

So. Cirrohis still not confirmed, but the Chief High Consultant (actually a very charming and honest man) explained that it was not possible to have blood results like mine and not be cirrhotic. So bottom line is, they will probably trans-jugular biopsy me to see how bad it is.

What is of more immediate concern is my auto-immune system. My liver may be facing attacks on two fronts, one from my own immune system, the other from my drinking. I am presenting quite young for excessive scarring, although all the results suggest that IS what I am presenting.

Still, the good news if if I achieve and maintain absolute abstinance for life, I have an expectancy of five plus years. The Consultant has people in his clinic who did not appear as outwardly healthy as me but were still alive 15 years later (then again, the ones that died probably weren't still attending.)

If I continue to drink, in any capacity, I only have a 50% chance of making it for the next two years.

I am waiting for results back.
I have an appointment to see them again in a month as a priority.
Head Chap (wish I could even give initials but I didn't catch anyone's names) is going to try to set me up on Acamprosate to help. It's supposed to be managed by my local NHS but they've always said it can only be prescribed by a specialist (which probably means it costs too much.)

It was a relief, talking to a renal specialist.
I'm scared.
Oh and jaundiced (again!)
And have some fluid on my lower abdomen, but again that was never really explained to me or why it was a bad thing.
And the lady who gave me my ultra-sound had to go and get someone else to confirm the results because it appears I have an extra vein in my liver? Still, she said comfortingly, it doesn't appear to be an accute issue, it's something longstanding. Phew (?)

Had a whole armful of blood taken, testing everything that I think they can possibly test for apart from shock and awe.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I'm scared.

I'm scared for you. Please use this news to help you find the determination to stop.

[limey]

Oh, Sundae! I don't know what to say.
I'd like you to be my friend for as long as possible. Is that selfish of me?
Sent by thought transference

[Ocean's Edge]

there are moments I really don't know what to say - and everything I type sounds like a platitude and rings hollow and ... arggh

please, please know that my heart and my thoughts are with you ... and I'd give the world just to make you a cuppa tea and give you a hug right now