Funny/Embarrassing things they say - Page 68

footfootfoot · 02-11-2015, 07:44 PM

Yesterday we went shopping at BJ's, our local members only buying club type place (Costco, Sam's Club et al)

We are cruising down the aisle past some carpets all rolled up and standing in a corral and the inch says "That's just wrong." I turn and see one of the carpet rolls has collapsed and can't get what's 'just wrong' about it. Then he points to the sign under the carpets that says "Dream Shag"

Clearly "Big School" has paid off.

BigV · 02-12-2015, 11:27 PM

Surely he's still innocent; he doesn't know about rug burns, right?!?

eta:

you crack me up footfootfoot.

footfootfoot · 02-13-2015, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

Surely he's still innocent; he doesn't know about rug burns, right?!?

.

I can only hope.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-17-2015, 04:23 AM

Probably knows about rug burns, but from driving his dinos and trucks around the living room rug, not what we perverts immediately think of.

Gravdigr · 07-01-2015, 12:16 PM

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Clodfobble · 08-06-2015, 02:56 PM

9 yo: I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up.
13 yo: No, you're not.
9 yo: Then I'm going to be a space terrorist.

BigV · 08-06-2015, 05:13 PM

*snort*

Clodfobble · 11-11-2015, 10:29 PM

Two recent gems--said in all seriousness--by the Minifob:

"So, say a kid went to school. And class had just started, like the teacher had just barely had time to write her name on the board.

And then she turned around and breathed fire on him, and burned him up into ash.

Would he be counted absent for the day, or not?"

...and...

"You know what would be the most painful thing ever? If you broke your femur... while giving birth."

xoxoxoBruce · 11-11-2015, 11:54 PM

I'd love to see an animated cartoon of the thought process leading up to those statements.

footfootfoot · 11-13-2015, 07:52 PM

The mm (the girl) is going to be a great dad one day (by measure of this dad-worthy joke)

She invented a soup recipe in her dream (I think she meant imagination, but whatevs) and wrote out the recipe, since it wasn't entirely insane and something she might possibly eat, I made it for dinner. We were dining casually in the living room so I shouted from the kitchen: "MM, do you want some of your soup in a bowl?" (vs a cup)

She shouts back, "I want ALL of my soup in a bowl."

Recipe if you are curious:

qt. chicken stock
"alphabetical noodles" aka ABC noodles
corn
green beans
thinly sliced hot dogs
parsley
rosemary
soy sauce <-- my addition

DanaC · 11-13-2015, 08:08 PM

Cute.

And that soup sounds nice.

chrisinhouston · 11-18-2015, 10:28 PM

I was sitting at my computer entering some things in my family tree program and my 7 and 9 year old granddaughters were watching and wanted me to show where they were in the tree.

That in of itself takes several clicks since I have to go to my wife and her first husband who is deceased, then to their 2nd son but to his 3rd wife for the 7 year old and then over to the mother and her first husband for the 9 year old... They are an American family in the fullest sense, sisters, brothers, half and step sisters and brothers.

So the 7 year old asks "well who was Uncle Phil?" I replied that it wasn't Uncle Phil but it would have been Grandpa Phil. And I went on to explain that he was Grandmother's first husband, the father of their dad and his brother, Uncle Tim. I went on that he died of cancer and if he had not died he would be their grandfather.

"So you and he would both be our grandfathers?" "No" I said, "if he had not died I would never have married Grandmother and I would not be a member of this family at all."

They both looked panicked and replied, "But we LOVE you!"

It made me feel good to hear that and I tried to use it as a teachable moment that things can be very different if they happen differently, if people don't meet other people or do something different.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-18-2015, 11:14 PM

An alternate history is just a butterfly flap away.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-20-2015, 06:40 PM

Rejected Titles for Kids Say the Darndest Things.

Kids Say Whatever Moronic Thought Comes Into Their Heads

It’s So Irritating How Kids Take Everything So Literally

Kids Often Misconstrue Colloquial English

Kids’ Brains Aren’t Sufficiently Developed to Deal With the Subtleties Of Language

Kids Repeat the Terrible Things Their Parents Say In the Home

I Wish Kids Wouldn’t Say the Darndest Things

My Child Keeps Embarrassing Me In Front of Education Professionals

Kids Spoke Only When Spoken to In My Day

Kids Make The Craziest Allegations!

Something My Kid Said Alarmed His Teachers Enough to Raise Suspicions About Me

Kids’ Testimonies are Suspect

Kids Say the Darndest Things When In the Presence of a Court-Appointed Guardian

footfootfoot · 11-27-2015, 08:33 PM

The Mini-Mes* and I were buying some supplies for T-bird day on Wednesday. Of course, every dick and his dog were also there. As the spoor and I slowly wended the aisles we kept passing this other family headed toward us as we both worked to the other end of the store.

After several aisles, they felt like old friends. At one point just as the mom was rounding the corner away from us I hear her say to her youngest, "Yes, it's just like Black Friday, but for food." The kids and I barked with laughter, and she shot us a grin.

02-11-2015, 07:44 PM	#1006
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Yesterday we went shopping at BJ's, our local members only buying club type place (Costco, Sam's Club et al) We are cruising down the aisle past some carpets all rolled up and standing in a corral and the inch says "That's just wrong." I turn and see one of the carpet rolls has collapsed and can't get what's 'just wrong' about it. Then he points to the sign under the carpets that says "Dream Shag" Clearly "Big School" has paid off. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

02-12-2015, 11:27 PM	#1007
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Surely he's still innocent; he doesn't know about rug burns, right?!? eta: you crack me up footfootfoot. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

02-17-2015, 04:23 AM	#1009
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Probably knows about rug burns, but from driving his dinos and trucks around the living room rug, not what we perverts immediately think of. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-01-2015, 12:16 PM	#1010
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

08-06-2015, 02:56 PM	#1011
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	9 yo: I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up. 13 yo: No, you're not. 9 yo: Then I'm going to be a space terrorist. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

08-06-2015, 05:13 PM	#1012
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	snort __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

11-11-2015, 10:29 PM	#1013
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Two recent gems--said in all seriousness--by the Minifob: "So, say a kid went to school. And class had just started, like the teacher had just barely had time to write her name on the board. And then she turned around and breathed fire on him, and burned him up into ash. Would he be counted absent for the day, or not?" ...and... "You know what would be the most painful thing ever? If you broke your femur... while giving birth." __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

11-11-2015, 11:54 PM	#1014
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I'd love to see an animated cartoon of the thought process leading up to those statements. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-13-2015, 07:52 PM	#1015
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	The mm (the girl) is going to be a great dad one day (by measure of this dad-worthy joke) She invented a soup recipe in her dream (I think she meant imagination, but whatevs) and wrote out the recipe, since it wasn't entirely insane and something she might possibly eat, I made it for dinner. We were dining casually in the living room so I shouted from the kitchen: "MM, do you want some of your soup in a bowl?" (vs a cup) She shouts back, "I want ALL of my soup in a bowl." Recipe if you are curious: qt. chicken stock "alphabetical noodles" aka ABC noodles corn green beans thinly sliced hot dogs parsley rosemary soy sauce <-- my addition __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

11-18-2015, 10:28 PM	#1017
chrisinhouston Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Houston TX Posts: 1,857	I was sitting at my computer entering some things in my family tree program and my 7 and 9 year old granddaughters were watching and wanted me to show where they were in the tree. That in of itself takes several clicks since I have to go to my wife and her first husband who is deceased, then to their 2nd son but to his 3rd wife for the 7 year old and then over to the mother and her first husband for the 9 year old... They are an American family in the fullest sense, sisters, brothers, half and step sisters and brothers. So the 7 year old asks "well who was Uncle Phil?" I replied that it wasn't Uncle Phil but it would have been Grandpa Phil. And I went on to explain that he was Grandmother's first husband, the father of their dad and his brother, Uncle Tim. I went on that he died of cancer and if he had not died he would be their grandfather. "So you and he would both be our grandfathers?" "No" I said, "if he had not died I would never have married Grandmother and I would not be a member of this family at all." They both looked panicked and replied, "But we LOVE you!" It made me feel good to hear that and I tried to use it as a teachable moment that things can be very different if they happen differently, if people don't meet other people or do something different.

11-18-2015, 11:14 PM	#1018
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	An alternate history is just a butterfly flap away. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-20-2015, 06:40 PM	#1019
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Rejected Titles for Kids Say the Darndest Things. Kids Say Whatever Moronic Thought Comes Into Their Heads It’s So Irritating How Kids Take Everything So Literally Kids Often Misconstrue Colloquial English Kids’ Brains Aren’t Sufficiently Developed to Deal With the Subtleties Of Language Kids Repeat the Terrible Things Their Parents Say In the Home I Wish Kids Wouldn’t Say the Darndest Things My Child Keeps Embarrassing Me In Front of Education Professionals Kids Spoke Only When Spoken to In My Day Kids Make The Craziest Allegations! Something My Kid Said Alarmed His Teachers Enough to Raise Suspicions About Me Kids’ Testimonies are Suspect Kids Say the Darndest Things When In the Presence of a Court-Appointed Guardian __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

11-27-2015, 08:33 PM	#1020
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	The Mini-Mes* and I were buying some supplies for T-bird day on Wednesday. Of course, every dick and his dog were also there. As the spoor and I slowly wended the aisles we kept passing this other family headed toward us as we both worked to the other end of the store. After several aisles, they felt like old friends. At one point just as the mom was rounding the corner away from us I hear her say to her youngest, "Yes, it's just like Black Friday, but for food." The kids and I barked with laughter, and she shot us a grin. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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