What's upsetting you today?

[monster]

Sounds awful . Have got a personal tutor you can talk to about this?

[Aliantha]

Panic attacks are a bitch of a thing because there's really nothing you can do except try and calm down.

Why are you so nervous? If it wasn't the class, then there must be something else and that was just the tip off.

In any case, I hope things get better for you soon. Maybe you should go see your doc.

[Aliantha]

And the thing that's upsetting me today is that my ex husband took our two sons (10 and 11) to see I Am Legend yesterday. Last night they didn't want to go to sleep in case the mutants came and got them. They were so upset they were crying. They wanted us to get them a body guard to protect them.

Sometimes the stupidity of my ex just astounds me.

[PointsOfLight]

No tutor. They have free mental health specialists, but I'm reluctant to see one.

I have no idea why it happened. But now I hate the idea of it happening again. I have no idea who to talk to about this.

[Chocolatl]

Go see the free mental health specialist!

My freshman year of college I was severely depressed to the point where I started failing my classes and I had to drop several of them -- after being a straight A student my entire life.
I was reluctant to talk to anybody about what I was going through -- and I even had friends at my university -- but I finally visited the campus psychiatrist and it was one of the best things I've ever done. They were a real help.

[PointsOfLight]

That's like me with The Exorcist when my uncle showed it to me when I eight or nine or something. I was freaking out.

He got a great speech from my mom though.

[Aliantha]

go see your mental health specialist if it's free. It'll be confidential and it can only help you.

If you don't go you're crazy.

[PointsOfLight]

I'm definitely thinking about it.
I just wonder if the panic attack was a symptom of a bigger thing, like a symptom of the solitude that I'm experiencing right now. I don't know...I'm trying to be introspective about it so I can figure it out on my own.

I used to be depressed when I was in high school. I don't feel depressed now, but if I keep going like this I know it can lead to depression.

[PointsOfLight]

Hahaha true. Don't want to be crazy.

I'll look into it.

[Aliantha]

excellent. I think you've made a good decision.

[bluecuracao]

Originally Posted by PointsOfLight

I'm definitely thinking about it.
I just wonder if the panic attack was a symptom of a bigger thing, like a symptom of the solitude that I'm experiencing right now. I don't know...I'm trying to be introspective about it so I can figure it out on my own.

You could be right about that. I've experienced panic attacks at a couple of points in my life, and both times, I'd felt very alone in the stresses that I'd been dealing with at those times. I've found since then, that being able to talk about my stressful times (or whatever) to someone, makes a huge difference.

[monster]

Originally Posted by PointsOfLight

I'm definitely thinking about it.
I just wonder if the panic attack was a symptom of a bigger thing, like a symptom of the solitude that I'm experiencing right now. I don't know...I'm trying to be introspective about it so I can figure it out on my own.

I used to be depressed when I was in high school. I don't feel depressed now, but if I keep going like this I know it can lead to depression.

Originally Posted by DanaC

I have learned that it's best to refrain from introspection when depressed. This is not a new lesson...I learn it anew each time I realise I am depressed:P Realising it = first step out of it.

from here

[Undertoad]

Panic attacks are a "deadly cycle":

First fear -> Adrenaline/hormonal reaction -> physical effects -> more fear
-> hormonal reaction -> physical effects -> more fear
-> hormonal reaction -> physical effects -> more fear
-> hormonal reaction -> physical effects -> more fear

I started getting heart palpitations in my chest and in my neck, my hands started to shake, I started sweating, my face flushed, and my vision started to blur.

These are absolutely classic effects. What's happening behind the scenes is that your body is producing adrenaline in preparation for what it thinks is going to be a stressful event.

In caveman times, a "stressful event" meant facing a predator or other danger; and so we adapted this reaction, what some call "fight or flight". Your body is literally preparing for a physical situation where it may be called on to act quickly and with maximum force. Hormones are giving signals: tighten the muscles. Quicken the heart. Stops the involuntary processes not needed, like digestion, and move blood to the head, face, etc.

You are not facing a speech, you are facing a sabre-toothed tiger.

In the case of public speaking, you are faced with a double-deadly situation... you know that people could sense your fear. So you're already in a situation where more fear produces more fear - not just hormonally, but psychologically.

There is a connection between panic and depression; they seem to be different aspects to certain types of brain chemistry. Antidepressants are also generally good for panic, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and obsessive/compulsive disorder. This is not to say you should be on meds, but only the head doc should say, for sure, at first. There are other temporary solutions, talk therapy is possible, reading up on coping techniques, etc.

Also, I would mention all this to the prof, they should be more understanding about the situation and help out.

[Sundae]

I've missed a session of counselling.
I was convinced that it started at 11.30 today, and planned my morning to this end. I arrived at 11.05 (I am always early, it's part of who I am) to find it had started at 11.00 and I was locked out.

I sat there so smugly on Monday when it was explained that lateness was not tolerated (all part of helping us establish the boundaries we haven't been respecting while drinking) and if you were late by even one minute you missed the whole session.

Very disappointed with myself for such a pointless mistake. Dreading telling HM, although I will because lying won't help.

Still - I walked past two pubs on my way here. And despite the sneaky voice in my head saying I deserved a consolation and after all I haven't been told I have to abstain completely and anyway it would be their fault for being inflexible etc etc etc I have come here and not had a drink. Which is good.

I'll go to the gym when I get back home, which I didn't expect to have time to do today. And hope the unhappy feeling goes away once the endorphins kick in.

[DanaC]

Ack SG, hope you feel better soon. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's an easy mistake to make. Like this morning i arrived at my exam having forgotten my student id. They could have stopped me sitting they exam (they didn't). High stakes, but a very simple an easy memory slip. Mixing up a 11:00 and 11:30 start time is easily done m'dear.

@PoL. Depression doesn't always manifest in the same way every time. You have experience of depression, but that doesn't mean it can't still surprise you sometimes.Also, personally, I find it becomes most apparent to me when my interactions with people I am emotionally close to become a little strained. I don't know if you find the same, but if you do, then being somewhere without access to those people may be depriving you of one of those key indicators.

You mention that there are only a few class members and thereby discount fear of public speaking. Fear of public speaking doesn't arise because of the number of people as much as it derives from the context. I've engaged in a fair bit of public speaking in various contexts, from minor presentations in college to speaking at small-medium rallies, through to local radio station interviews. In most cases I start nervous, find my feet and get almost to the end before nerves resurface at anticipating the close. But...the most nerve wracking of all of them, was having to deliver something very small, to a group of classmates/colleagues.

Go talk to the counsellor. It'll help...at the very least it can't be worse. You need to find your equillibrium in this new environment and the isolation sounds like it may be self-perpetuating.


[eta] forgot to mention, but meant to: Undertoads post seems to totally nail the whole panic attack mechanism. His advice is worth underlining.