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Old 12-16-2015, 04:21 AM   #1381
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Passed on by my brother.
Made me smile.

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Old 12-16-2015, 08:33 AM   #1382
glatt
 
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"Chocolate tube" sounds kind of kinky and dirty.
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Old 12-16-2015, 08:31 PM   #1383
orthodoc
Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
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It didn't until you said that, glatt!
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Old 12-17-2015, 03:38 PM   #1384
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
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Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
You are both right.

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Old 12-18-2015, 11:35 AM   #1385
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
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There was a man on the market today selling panda bowls.
"Strawberries, grapes, panda bowl!" he shouted.
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Old 12-18-2015, 11:38 AM   #1386
xoxoxoBruce
The future is unwritten
 
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Chocolate tube map is called a colostomy so your health insurance will pay for it.
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Old 12-18-2015, 11:53 AM   #1387
Undertoad
Radical Centrist
 
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Location: Cottage of Prussia
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Quote:
"Strawberries, grapes, panda bowl!" he shouted.
Is that like the Chinese restaurant that tried to feed us wester balls?

Us: "What's in that dish?"
Chinese waiter: "Pork, wester balls, broth..."
Us: "Ew! What are wester balls?"
Chinese waiter: "You know, onion, carrot..."
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Old 01-16-2016, 10:19 PM   #1388
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
There's a woman in London with my same name, who is too stupid to remember what her actual email address is, and gives out mine all the time as her own. Subsequently, I get all sorts of email for her on a regular basis. I know about her divorce a couple of years ago, I know about her business trips to Ireland, I know the names of her three children and also that of her new husband (the same as my middle name!) Mind you, I am always kind enough to write back and let them know they have the wrong person, but there's always someone new for her to screw it up with it.

Well, it's been a rough week for the London version of me. First, she blew 130 pounds (!) on a grey Michael Kors designer wallet--with a gift message for her friend Aoife, meaning she blew 130 pounds on a wallet for someone else, dear God--and as the confirmation emails made very clear, she will have been absolutely unable to pick up her item from the store unless she presents a copy of my email proving she is the purchaser.

Then, as if Thursday hadn't been difficult enough, I just received an 8-paragraph letter from her full-time nanny, detailing all the (justifiable) reasons why she was quitting, including but not limited to the fact that her children are "cold" and "very disrespectful."

The UK me is kind of a bitch, I gather.
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Old 01-16-2016, 10:46 PM   #1389
infinite monkey
Person who doesn't update the user title
 
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She isn't as hilarious as you are!
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Old 01-16-2016, 10:49 PM   #1390
infinite monkey
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Damn cold. Drippy nose and fever. Even a hot bath and cold medicine aren't working. Grumble.
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Old 01-16-2016, 10:57 PM   #1391
sexobon
I love it when a plan comes together.
 
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Remember, if your nose runs and your feet smell ... you're upside down.
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Old 01-17-2016, 11:46 AM   #1392
Griff
still says videotape
 
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Good stuff Clod good stuff.
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Old 01-17-2016, 05:03 PM   #1393
glatt
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clodfobble View Post
Mind you, I am always kind enough to write back and let them know they have the wrong person, but there's always someone new for her to screw it up with it.
You are a better person than I am. There's a teacher in Kentucky, and I often get invitations from his student to review papers they have written in Google docs. I stopped letting them know they have the wrong person years ago.
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Old 01-17-2016, 06:31 PM   #1394
Clodfobble
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
 
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Admittedly, it isn't my "real" account, or even my backup account, it's the third-tier one that truly only gets used for spam and YouTube crap (because once Google bought YouTube they made it very difficult to do YouTube without a Gmail address.) If I had to deal with it in my face every day I might get less tolerant.
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Old 01-28-2016, 10:30 AM   #1395
Gravdigr
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Posts: 39,517
This morning on the radio, I heard the dj refer to a news story that referenced "[John Doe], an African-American from Canada,"...
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