An August Interrogation

[monster]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently?
2) Rodents or Reptiles?
3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.
4) When was the last time you read your horoscope -for any reason?
5) Which kitchen appliance do you value most?
6) Do you continue to wear socks with holes in if they can't be seen?
7) Do you like to solve cryptic crosswords?
8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn?
9) Long road tunnels -exciting, scary or meh?
10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time?

[Gravdigr]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently?

"Dad, did you get shot in the army?" "No, son, I got shot in the leggy."

2) Rodents or Reptiles?

Rodentia. I guess.

3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.

Guacamole.

4) When was the last time you read your horoscope -for any reason?

Many, many years.

5) Which kitchen appliance do you value most?

Oven.

6) Do you continue to wear socks with holes in if they can't be seen?

Sometimes, if the hole isn't too big.

7) Do you like to solve cryptic crosswords?

I like crossword puzzles.

ETA: I just learned what a cryptic crossword is. I don't think I would enjoy those as much.

8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn?

Big, honking gold nugget watch. Ok, it didn't actually honk.

9) Long road tunnels -exciting, scary or meh?

Somewhere between scary and meh. Interesting, is the word I'd use.

10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time?

I once worked in a warehouse that distributed Bed, Bath, & Beyond stores. Not distributed to the stores, we they packed and loaded the whole damn store: carpet to ceiling. Shelves, carpet, ceiling tiles, wall coverings, lighting, banners, everything you see in the store besides product.

I worked there for exactly three days. These ppl didn't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

[Clodfobble]

10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time?

I was a nanny for one day. The couple couldn't have been more stereotypical: filthy rich, wife an aging cheerleader desperate to maintain her youth, husband an aggressive Type A personality about 15 years older than she was. When I got there, she insisted I take their three daughters to the park, even though it was actively raining, and made me drive there in her huge-ass luxury SUV instead of my own vehicle. The first thing the kids did was sit down in the mud and start covering their legs like they were at the beach. Then, of course, it stopped raining, and there was no way to wash off the mud, so rather than ruin the interior of her nice car, I had them strip down to their underwear in the back fold-down area, and confined the clothes to a narrow pile as carefully as I could. When we got back to the house I ushered them straight into the bathroom and washed everything off, but the husband was not pleased to find his children half-naked and riding without seatbelts. "You really marched them in a straight line, didn't you?" Then he started questioning me about my background, and when I said I was an Austin native, he said, "Not with that accent, you're not." The wife mentioned that she'd bought some wine at the grocery store, and he just looked at the brand and snorted before leaving the room. She looked at me and said, "I know, but... I mean, look at this house." Before I left, she asked me to fix her email--this was back in the day when undeliverable messages just sat in your Outbox trying to send again and again, and she'd built up about a hundred mis-typed addresses that were throwing up individual errors every time she sent something new. Stupidly, I tried to explain why she was having the problem instead of just fixing it and claiming it was magic, and after about 20 seconds she got frustrated and shooed me away without letting me actually fix it.

I emailed about future dates, but they never responded. I suspect the wife got an earful about her terrible employee vetting skills, and either he's died of old age or he had her murdered.

[Griff]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently?
7 days without a pun make one weak.
2) Rodents or Reptiles? fur
3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu. bell pepper
4) When was the last time you read your horoscope -for any reason? several years?
5) Which kitchen appliance do you value most? stove/oven
6) Do you continue to wear socks with holes in if they can't be seen? yep
7) Do you like to solve cryptic crosswords? probably but I don't
8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn? I used to wear watches.
9) Long road tunnels -exciting, scary or meh? neat
10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time? I wrapped electrical coils on a 3rd shift summer gig, blessedly short lived.

[limey]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently? Mr Limey keeps me supplied with an endless quantity and they all blur into one eventually (if you're lucky) ....
2) Rodents or Reptiles? Reptiles at the mo. Could go either way to be honest.
3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu. Brioche bun. YEUERGH
4) When was the last time you read your horoscope -for any reason? Twenty? Twenty five years ago??
5) Which kitchen appliance do you value most? If small appliance, Bread making machine, if large appliance freezer for the ice for a G&T.
6) Do you continue to wear socks with holes in if they can't be seen? Yes. Though I recently darned all the holes in my handknit sox, so not right now.
7) Do you like to solve cryptic crosswords? Not really. Mr Limey used to set them for a local publication.
8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn? WHOOPS missed this one. Can't think of anything right now ....
9) Long road tunnels -exciting, scary or meh? Exciting
10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time? Nothing shorter than a few months, so I don't know.

[glatt]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently?
Really must be spoken: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A Fuh Shh.
2) Rodents or Reptiles?
Reptiles
3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.
Mushrooms
4) When was the last time you read your horoscope -for any reason?
No idea. Do they still have those?
5) Which kitchen appliance do you value most?
Sink. I know it's not, but I use it the most.
6) Do you continue to wear socks with holes in if they can't be seen?
Yes. But I make a mental note to get more socks.
7) Do you like to solve cryptic crosswords?
No. I don't like word puzzles so much.
8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn?
Trying on my mom's clip on earrings as a kid?
9) Long road tunnels -exciting, scary or meh?
Mostly meh, but I've been in some scary ones. Extra points when they are bare rock with water dripping and no lights. The was a car train one I went on in Switzerland, and I didn't like that because there were no lights for like 10 minutes.
10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time?
Setting up a Victoria's Secret store in Bethesda MD. Mostly moving furniture and unpacking toiletries. They didn't want any of the guys unpacking the underwear. Whatever.

[Happy Monkey]

Burger toppings:
Guac - good, but plain avocado better
Bell pepper - hell no
Brioche bun - tried it. Not great.
Mushrooms - love them.

[Flint]

3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.

CHEESE

[Mountain Mule]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently?

My Dad passed away some years back, taking his supply of Dad jokes with him. However, I still dis-remember them fondly.

2) Rodents or Reptiles?

Here in the land of the flea, home of the plague, reptiles. Definitely reptiles.

3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.

pineapple

4) When was the last time you read your horoscope -for any reason?

I live by the stars and consult my horoscope at least 6X/day.

5) Which kitchen appliance do you value most?

My dog - cleans up those scorched pots and pans better than an hour with a brillo pad!

6) Do you continue to wear socks with holes in if they can't be seen?

No

7) Do you like to solve cryptic crosswords?

I stick with beating my computer at Scrabble

8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn?

The cross my Dad wore alongside his dog tags all thru WWII

9) Long road tunnels -exciting, scary or meh?

Disappointing. Around here tunnels generally replace a stretch of twisting mountain road with plenty of scenery. I tend to be claustrophobic and prefer the freedom of hair pin turns.

10) What paid job did you have for the shortest amount of time?

Motel maid. The first day was OK, but on the second day one of my colleagues called in "sick" with a spider bite. Then the guest in room 32 made off with a brand new bedspread and the manager tried to blame me, and when I knocked on the door of room 20 to come in and clean, I discovered the occupant passed out cold and spread-eagled naked across the bed. Yuck!

Then I got a message that AAA whom I'd interviewed with at the same time as the motel, wanted to hire me and I was gone quicker than you can say "Daddy Longlegs."

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Flint

3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.

CHEESE

Full stop!

[Undertoad]

1) What's the best Dad Joke you heard recently?

There were two peanuts walking down the street... and one of them was assaulted

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by Mountain Mule

8) What is the mot unusual piece of Jewellery/Jewelry you have ever worn?

The cross my Dad wore alongside his dog tags all thru WWII

I wear my dad's dog tag chain as a bracelet, to remind me how lucky I am to have him. He was active duty during the Vietnamese unpleasantness, and never had to go.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by Flint

3) Name a food item that should never, ever, be put on a burger but you have seen it done or on a real menu.

CHEESE

Originally Posted by Griff

Full stop!

I'm more unsure than ever that he's a real person.

[Happy Monkey]

When I was a kid, I detested cheese (or sauce, pickles, etc) on a burger. I would order plain burgers from McDonalds (extra benefit - they were always "fresh"). Now I don't particularly care one way or the other.

[Flint]

The only proper use of cheese on a hamburger is a "western burger" with SWISS cheese, barbecue sauce and sautéd onions.

Putting cheese on a normal hamburger destroys the beef by saturating it with dairy fat and completely changing the texture.

Beef is not supposed to be CREAMY.