How To Maintain Your Insanity

Nirvana · 01-02-2009, 11:41 PM

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso.

5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for marijuana."

6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

7. With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

8. Speciify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.

11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!!! I Won!!!"

12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling ... "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!"

13. Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

and the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity ...

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER ANS ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

[doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman you can do this!]

Stress Puppy · 01-03-2009, 02:30 AM

[ nitpick] Espresso.[ /nitpick]

morethanpretty · 01-03-2009, 09:30 AM

OMG, love it nirv, great find. Brilliant!
Err, I mean insane.

Trilby · 01-03-2009, 09:34 AM

Meh. I've already done all that stuff. I did it Wednesday.

DanaC · 01-03-2009, 09:36 AM

That list made me lol

Trilby · 01-03-2009, 09:36 AM

did it make you lol out LOUD?

DanaC · 01-03-2009, 09:37 AM

You know what, Bri, I fucking well think it did!

Juniper · 01-03-2009, 01:07 PM

I snickered out loud.

I like the one about asking "you want fries with that?" I may very well start doing that around here.

Problem is, my daughter will say YES, go get me some! She's a potato fiend.

wolf · 01-03-2009, 02:21 PM

I've done #6 and #9.

monster · 01-03-2009, 03:05 PM

#13 for us

Cicero · 01-03-2009, 08:10 PM

#1 Do anything Cicero does on a regular basis.
#2 Then tell a lot of people about it. Especially strangers.

01-03-2009, 09:30 AM	#3
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	OMG, love it nirv, great find. Brilliant! Err, I mean insane. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

01-03-2009, 09:34 AM	#4
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Meh. I've already done all that stuff. I did it Wednesday. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-03-2009, 03:05 PM	#10
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	#13 for us __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-03-2009, 08:10 PM	#11
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	#1 Do anything Cicero does on a regular basis. #2 Then tell a lot of people about it. Especially strangers. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

01-02-2009, 11:41 PM	#1
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	How To Maintain Your Insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice! 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso. 5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for marijuana." 6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get. 7. With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat. 8. Speciify that your drive-thru order is "to go." 9. Sing along at the opera. 10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache. 11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!!! I Won!!!" 12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling ... "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THEY'RE LOOSE!" 13. Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." and the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity ... 14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER ANS ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS. [doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman you can do this!] __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

01-03-2009, 02:30 AM	#2
Stress Puppy Elite Elitist Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Fresno, CA Posts: 359	[ nitpick] Espresso.[ /nitpick] __________________ ~Stress Puppy~ Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur

01-03-2009, 09:36 AM	#5
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	That list made me lol

01-03-2009, 09:36 AM	#6
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	did it make you lol out LOUD? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-03-2009, 09:37 AM	#7
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	You know what, Bri, I fucking well think it did!

01-03-2009, 01:07 PM	#8
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	I snickered out loud. I like the one about asking "you want fries with that?" I may very well start doing that around here. Problem is, my daughter will say YES, go get me some! She's a potato fiend.

01-03-2009, 02:21 PM	#9
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I've done #6 and #9. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

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