Rumors

richlevy · 01-07-2009, 09:55 PM

I've always wanted to work for The Onion. I believe that I have a sufficient feel for the absurdities of everyday life to make up plausible news stories that connect with current large and small memes.

For Example:

Joe the Plumber in new film role. Hollywood sources claim that Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher has been selected for a role in the upcoming remake of Dr. Strangelove. Mr. Wurzelbacher will play the role of Major T.J. 'King' Kong made famous by Slim Pickens. When asked if he had seen or heard of the original movie, Mr. Wurzelbacher stated "My agent told me that it's some kind of comedy and it's not porn. I'm really glad it's not porn. I love comedy. Everyone I know tells me I can be real funny."

classicman · 01-07-2009, 10:13 PM

smirk -

Shawnee123 · 01-08-2009, 09:15 AM

Oh rich, that is rich! *applause*

Crimson Ghost · 01-08-2009, 08:59 PM

I just wish that everybody would stop accusing Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. All I ever hear are rumors that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990, and I am really starting to get tired of hearing that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. I haven't heard any evidence that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. The most I ever heard on the subject are rumors of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990. Please, we all heard that a girl may have been raped and killed by Bob Saget in 1990, but that was 19 years ago and the case of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990 is over. All everyone talks about is Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990, and I'm tired of hearing that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. Who here has actually seen Bob Saget rape and kill a girl in 1990? I don't think any of you have seen Bob Saget rape and kill a girl in 1990, but for some reason everyone keeps accusing Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. I don't believe one word of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990, and I hope you don't believe Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. All I can think of is how horrible it is that someone would falsely accuse Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. Why would Bob Saget really rape and kill a girl in 1990? If he wanted to have violent sex he could get the Olsen Twins when they were four years old, so I don't think he would rape and kill a girl in 1990. I know I would never rape and kill a girl in 1990, and neither would Bob Saget, because Bob Saget can get goats and hookers instead of raping and killing a girl in 1990. How many times do I need to tell everyone that Bob Saget did not rape and kill a girl in 1990?

classicman · 01-08-2009, 11:38 PM

Stop it, you demonicpriest.

Crimson Ghost · 01-10-2009, 01:47 AM

Nice catch.

TheMercenary · 01-10-2009, 06:11 AM

So did Bob do it or not?

classicman · 01-10-2009, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crimson Ghost

Nice catch.

thanks, I'm learning.

Trilby · 01-10-2009, 01:35 PM

Chuh. It's spelled Rumours and I must have listened to it a thousand times.

01-07-2009, 09:55 PM	#1
richlevy King Of Wishful Thinking Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Philadelphia Suburbs Posts: 6,669	Rumors I've always wanted to work for The Onion. I believe that I have a sufficient feel for the absurdities of everyday life to make up plausible news stories that connect with current large and small memes. For Example: Joe the Plumber in new film role. Hollywood sources claim that Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher has been selected for a role in the upcoming remake of Dr. Strangelove. Mr. Wurzelbacher will play the role of Major T.J. 'King' Kong made famous by Slim Pickens. When asked if he had seen or heard of the original movie, Mr. Wurzelbacher stated "My agent told me that it's some kind of comedy and it's not porn. I'm really glad it's not porn. I love comedy. Everyone I know tells me I can be real funny." __________________ Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE! I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama

01-07-2009, 10:13 PM	#2
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	smirk - __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-08-2009, 09:15 AM	#3
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Oh rich, that is rich! applause __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

01-08-2009, 08:59 PM	#4
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	I just wish that everybody would stop accusing Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. All I ever hear are rumors that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990, and I am really starting to get tired of hearing that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. I haven't heard any evidence that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. The most I ever heard on the subject are rumors of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990. Please, we all heard that a girl may have been raped and killed by Bob Saget in 1990, but that was 19 years ago and the case of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990 is over. All everyone talks about is Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990, and I'm tired of hearing that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. Who here has actually seen Bob Saget rape and kill a girl in 1990? I don't think any of you have seen Bob Saget rape and kill a girl in 1990, but for some reason everyone keeps accusing Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. I don't believe one word of Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990, and I hope you don't believe Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. All I can think of is how horrible it is that someone would falsely accuse Bob Saget of raping and killing a girl in 1990. Why would Bob Saget really rape and kill a girl in 1990? If he wanted to have violent sex he could get the Olsen Twins when they were four years old, so I don't think he would rape and kill a girl in 1990. I know I would never rape and kill a girl in 1990, and neither would Bob Saget, because Bob Saget can get goats and hookers instead of raping and killing a girl in 1990. How many times do I need to tell everyone that Bob Saget did not rape and kill a girl in 1990? __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

01-08-2009, 11:38 PM	#5
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Stop it, you demonicpriest. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-10-2009, 01:47 AM	#6
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	Nice catch. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

01-10-2009, 06:11 AM	#7
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	So did Bob do it or not? __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

01-10-2009, 01:35 PM	#9
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Chuh. It's spelled Rumours and I must have listened to it a thousand times. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

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