Excellent amazon.com Product Reviews

[wolf]

Uranium Ore

Picked this up for use in one of my kid's 'diversity' projects in school (Great Success!), and stuck the leftovers in the cabinet next to the baking soda.

Ran out of toothpaste, and remembered how you're supposed to be able to use baking soda to clean your teeth, so of course, I accidentally used this instead, and Wow! all I can say is, my teeth have never been cleaner! They sparkle, they tingle, and for some reason, they STAY clean now, no matter what. Highly recommended!

However, when I ran out of that fire-ant killer powder stuff, I figured I would try some for that too.

Big mistake!

Boy, it sure did not kill those ants!

Fortunately, those suckers get slower as they get bigger, so I have been able to use a shovel to take care of most of them, one at a time though, the sneaky devils.

And the darn trash man refuses to take them away..

I would have given this product 5 stars for the teeth and the project on embracing diversity, but I deducted one star because of the giant mutant ants.

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

[SamIam]

I clicked on the Amazon link so kindly provided and discovered that people who browsed the uranium site also browsed the wolf piss site. What's up with that?

Anyhow, if anyone here at the cellar would like some uranium ore, let me know. I'll send it to you for the cost of shipping only.

We have tons of the stuff laying around in western Colorado - along with bloated dead cows by contaminated ponds and poisoned streams with 3-eyed fish. No kidding! Us folks here on the Western slope would love to get rid of the stuff, so pm me with your request today!

Oh, and the thing about ants? That's a lie. They only get to be the size of chickens and when you squash one up and add water, you get a drink that tastes just like lemonaide.

[BigV]

half empty--LOL

[wolf]

Originally Posted by SamIam

I clicked on the Amazon link so kindly provided and discovered that people who browsed the uranium site also browsed the wolf piss site. What's up with that?

My urine is in high demand. Scientists have been attempting unsuccesfully to duplicate my superpowers for many years.

[toranokaze]

They weren't using enough Uranium.

[tw]

Originally Posted by SamIam

Anyhow, if anyone here at the cellar would like some uranium ore, let me know. I'll send it to you for the cost of shipping only.

Does that also apply to commercial bidder? As a purchasing agent for Three Mile Island 1, we would be very interested. We still do not have any dead cows no matter how hard we tried.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by tw

We still do not have any dead cows no matter how hard we tried.

That's because you don't have any EPA mandated settling ponds, you silly boy. Ranchers make use of these handy bodies of water all along the Utah/Colorado line. Beef! Its what glows in the dark!

[Lamplighter]

The other bright meat ?

[squirell nutkin]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

The other bright meat ?

[wolf]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

The other bright meat ?

I have stolen this for use as my new user title. Thank you.

[Urbane Guerrilla]

The product review was fraudulent!!! Half the uranium content would now be lead, not empty!!1!

[HungLikeJesus]

All the reviews I've read by this guy are amusing. I think he's British.

That's how I found the inflatable toast.

Here's his Segway review:

Dean Camen, the inventor of the Segway Scooter claimed that this could revolutionize transport as we know it. Well only for the skinny person! I bought two Segway scooters for me and my better 2/3's, my wife. We waited a few weeks for them to be shipped to my farm, as UPS seems to think that all of the items we buy on the Home Shopping Network are NOT of importance to expedite. UPS refuses to send anything overnight to my property. So before I got the scooters, I planned a vacation with me and my wife with the full intention of bringing my new scooters with us. We were going to Oklahoma City, Men's Fitness magazine's "Fattest City in America" ([...]). Of course we figured that the sidewalks would be wide enough for the scooters, as it is Americas fattest city! We also figured that my "Pudgy Love Bacon" (she loves when I speak sexy to her) would feel comfortable in the city, as others should be more understanding of her plight, considering they are all larger, statistically, then the rest of America. After getting the scooters shipped to me, I started the two day journey to lube up my wife to get her out of the house. Its a tough job, and requires more lube then a female wrestling match, some farm equipment and some heavy lights (She blocks the sun in certain positions). What I thought was that I would place the scooter right at the edge of the exit of the house, so that when she had enough force from being pulled by the tractor, she would be able to lift her legs to get up onto the scooter. It wasn't that we were going to ride the scooters all the way from my home to Oklahoma City, but I did pay thousands for the things, and I wanted to make sure it worked for her, before I could return them in the 30 day period they allow you to return them in. So after some major work, we got my "Grizzle Eater" on the Segway. The first issue was that only one of her legs fully fit on the thing. The platform was not wide enough. Then I thought I would just place my second Segway behind her, and she could place her second leg on it, but before I was able to bring the second Segway around the first one buckled and broke apart. The salesman didn't mention that there were weight restrictions and when I tried to take the thing back, Segway wouldn't take the scooter back. My better 2/3's was pissed, and after it took another 2 days to get her back in the house, she refused to leave and we didn't go on vacation. Segway Scooters you screwed up my marriage, and my vacation!!!

[monster]

"I started the two day journey to lube up my wife to get her out of the house"

thank fsm I'd just swallowed the last mouthful of my lunch before I read that....

still laughing