Job Opportunity

infinite monkey · 02-11-2013, 08:47 AM

For those who went to Pope school and were told there's no future for a student of Pope Science, there is new hope. They were advised that job projections were terrible: with 1 position available in the world and growth projections hovering at zero, most people give up and go to Clown School or Beauty College.

But a few folks with a dream, the few who didn't give up, who believe that they can do anything, can be anything they want to be, are gearing up for what may be the biggest job search since 2005.

There are typically tens of applications for the position of Pope. Because of the stagnant economy and stalled high unemployment rates, that number is projected to rise to dozens of applications. Relocation to Vatican City is not expected to hinder the number of applicants: these days people go where the jobs are. It's a mobile economy, and being Pope has changed with the times.

Among the qualifications that are expected in the new age of Popeism are: photoshop skills, social media, HTML, customer service skills, ability to supervise a large staff, fluent in Latin, knowledge of safety requirements, and exceptional organizational skills. A background in management is helpful, but not required. A degree from an accredited Pope school is also required, but applicants with 5 or more years experience may be considered.

The candidate for Pope must be open to extensive travel; the Pope will be responsible for all regional directors and in-house managers.

Please send a current copy of your resume to:

His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI
Vatican City State, 00120
Italy

Include at least three professional references. Applications without a cover letter will not be considered.

Sundae · 02-11-2013, 08:52 AM

I was thinking of having a bet on the first black Pope.
I know the odds must be good.

But that's what they want me to do, so they can take my money and laugh.
I'm keeping my £24 (ref in another thread, my winnings from a £3 bet.)
I would say they can stuff the bet up their arse... but that sounds like it might be quite fun under the right circumstances.

PS if the next Pope is black, don't expect me back for a while. I'll be mourning my potential winnings.

Lamplighter · 02-11-2013, 09:07 AM

IM:

Males only need apply.

Pete Zicato · 02-11-2013, 09:24 AM

I had a friend text me this morning asking me what I think it means.

If I had to guess, I'd guess it means the same thing as when a politician suddenly resigns.

footfootfoot · 02-11-2013, 10:32 AM

Damn, Infi, I would make a great pope but I've only got 3 years of OTJ.

infinite monkey · 02-11-2013, 10:37 AM

It never hurts to apply. Sell yourself. Use ACTION words. Think of the interview experience.

And all those other things they say to job-seekers.

footfootfoot · 02-11-2013, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

It never hurts to apply. Sell yourself. Use ACTION words. Think of the interview experience.

And all those other things they say to job-seekers.

What's the use? There are probably going to be several other applicants with more experience.

infinite monkey · 02-11-2013, 11:09 AM

But you got style, kid, you got class. You got moxie. You're the Real McCoy. And how! Get all dolled up and apply!

footfootfoot · 02-11-2013, 11:21 AM

OK.

Umm, can I borrow your mitre?

infinite monkey · 02-11-2013, 11:24 AM

Sure!

Beest · 02-11-2013, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pete Zicato

I had a friend text me this morning asking me what I think it means.

If I had to guess, I'd guess it means the same thing as when a politician suddenly resigns.

To spend more time with his family

(less time with the wife/husband of another family(officially))

toranokaze · 02-11-2013, 12:22 PM

He is probably just dieing and God isn't helping I'm betting he is still pissed at the Nazis for killing bunch of his favorite kids.

monster · 02-11-2013, 12:37 PM

Dear God,

I am applying for the position of pope. As a lifelong female and atheist, I feel I can lead the church in a whole new direction more inkeeping with the current market. As you will see from my resume, in addition to the leadership skills essential for this position, i have a proven consistency and unwaivering belief that I know will bring strength and hope to those who are questioning.

smooches,

monster

1970-2012 Atheist, good person
2012 Suffered Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke
2013 Still a fucking atheist

reference:

*Flying Spaghetti Monster
*Infinite Monkey
*monster

Nirvana · 02-11-2013, 01:16 PM

Guy from Ghana is the front runner, wonder if that controversy will overshadow the controversy of resigning

Lamplighter · 02-11-2013, 01:39 PM

Interesting fellow:

Quote:

Immediately following the announcement on 11 February 2013
of the impending resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, at least two bookmakers,
Paddy Power and Ladbrokes, made Turkson the favourite to be appointed as the new pope

Cardinal Turkson has said that
"if God would wish to see a black man also as pope, thanks be to God"

02-11-2013, 08:47 AM	#1
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Job Opportunity For those who went to Pope school and were told there's no future for a student of Pope Science, there is new hope. They were advised that job projections were terrible: with 1 position available in the world and growth projections hovering at zero, most people give up and go to Clown School or Beauty College. But a few folks with a dream, the few who didn't give up, who believe that they can do anything, can be anything they want to be, are gearing up for what may be the biggest job search since 2005. There are typically tens of applications for the position of Pope. Because of the stagnant economy and stalled high unemployment rates, that number is projected to rise to dozens of applications. Relocation to Vatican City is not expected to hinder the number of applicants: these days people go where the jobs are. It's a mobile economy, and being Pope has changed with the times. Among the qualifications that are expected in the new age of Popeism are: photoshop skills, social media, HTML, customer service skills, ability to supervise a large staff, fluent in Latin, knowledge of safety requirements, and exceptional organizational skills. A background in management is helpful, but not required. A degree from an accredited Pope school is also required, but applicants with 5 or more years experience may be considered. The candidate for Pope must be open to extensive travel; the Pope will be responsible for all regional directors and in-house managers. Please send a current copy of your resume to: His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI Vatican City State, 00120 Italy Include at least three professional references. Applications without a cover letter will not be considered.

02-11-2013, 08:52 AM	#2
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I was thinking of having a bet on the first black Pope. I know the odds must be good. But that's what they want me to do, so they can take my money and laugh. I'm keeping my £24 (ref in another thread, my winnings from a £3 bet.) I would say they can stuff the bet up their arse... but that sounds like it might be quite fun under the right circumstances. PS if the next Pope is black, don't expect me back for a while. I'll be mourning my potential winnings. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

02-11-2013, 09:24 AM	#4
Pete Zicato Turns out my CRS is a symptom of TMB. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 2,916	I had a friend text me this morning asking me what I think it means. If I had to guess, I'd guess it means the same thing as when a politician suddenly resigns. __________________ Talk nerdy to me.

02-11-2013, 10:32 AM	#5
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Damn, Infi, I would make a great pope but I've only got 3 years of OTJ. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

02-11-2013, 11:21 AM	#9
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	OK. Umm, can I borrow your mitre? __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

02-11-2013, 09:07 AM	#3
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	IM: Males only need apply.

02-11-2013, 10:37 AM	#6
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	It never hurts to apply. Sell yourself. Use ACTION words. Think of the interview experience. And all those other things they say to job-seekers.

02-11-2013, 11:09 AM	#8
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	But you got style, kid, you got class. You got moxie. You're the Real McCoy. And how! Get all dolled up and apply!

02-11-2013, 11:24 AM	#10
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Sure! Attached Images

02-11-2013, 12:22 PM	#12
toranokaze I'm still a jerk Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Little Mexico Posts: 1,817	He is probably just dieing and God isn't helping I'm betting he is still pissed at the Nazis for killing bunch of his favorite kids. __________________ "Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.

02-11-2013, 12:37 PM	#13
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Dear God, I am applying for the position of pope. As a lifelong female and atheist, I feel I can lead the church in a whole new direction more inkeeping with the current market. As you will see from my resume, in addition to the leadership skills essential for this position, i have a proven consistency and unwaivering belief that I know will bring strength and hope to those who are questioning. smooches, monster 1970-2012 Atheist, good person 2012 Suffered Cryptogenic Ischemic stroke 2013 Still a fucking atheist reference: Flying Spaghetti Monster Infinite Monkey monster __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart*

02-11-2013, 01:16 PM	#14
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Guy from Ghana is the front runner, wonder if that controversy will overshadow the controversy of resigning __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

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