The utterly pointless Chuck Norris thread

Hippikos · 09-22-2006, 09:41 AM

I want one...

here goes

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero
Chuck Norris can ejaculate through walls.

post yours.

Undertoad · 09-22-2006, 10:09 AM

I believe I heard that

Chuck Norris's urine cures cancer.

Griff · 09-22-2006, 10:20 AM

Kevlar vests are made from the expoliated body hair of Chuck Norris.

Norris produces enough hair for 300 vests each day and donates them all to law enforcement.

The only thing strong enough to cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris so he must scrape off the hair with his own fingernails.

If Chuck Norris ever dies NASA has obtained the rights to use him as a re-entry vehicle.

Flint · 09-22-2006, 10:53 AM

When Chuck Norris takes a bath, he just jumps into a tub full of ice cubes (otherwise the water evaporates before he can get wet).

Beestie · 09-22-2006, 11:21 AM

Mr. Norris (you guys calling him Chuck are in for some reckoning) is so quick he can turn off the light and be in bed before the room gets dark.

Beestie · 09-22-2006, 11:23 AM

When Mr. Norris needs a chuckle, he reminds himself that he and he alone knows the last digit of Pi but won't tell anyone what it is.

Beestie · 09-22-2006, 11:24 AM

The Borg tried to assimilate Mr. Norris...

They FAILED.

Beestie · 09-22-2006, 11:25 AM

Mr. Norris does not have a birthday.

Beestie · 09-22-2006, 11:30 AM

Once, Chu-.. er, MR. Norris was having one of those standoff things with this uber bad dude with long hair and tall and big and mean and bad and evil and wearing leather who just hurt someone that Mr. Norris cared for where they show Mr. Norris' icy stare then the other guy's icy stare then back and forth showing icy stares as the tension mounts THEN, all the sudden, Mr. Norris CLAPPED his hands together real fast in front of the bad dude's face and his eyeballs just exploded then his whole head exploded.

Yep. Saw the whole thing. In person.

On TV.

But it wasn't a like a rerun or anything.

Beestie · 09-22-2006, 11:35 AM

Oh, and Hippikos, Mr. Norris knows you started this thread.

Elspode · 09-22-2006, 12:27 PM

When Chuck Norris farts, the world supply of natural gas doubles.

Griff · 09-22-2006, 12:47 PM

Mr. Norris is responsible for global climate change.

Spexxvet · 09-22-2006, 12:54 PM

Chuck Norris is a cheap renewable energy source

Spexxvet · 09-22-2006, 12:55 PM

Chuck Norris is the shadow government that Flint is always talking about

Spexxvet · 09-22-2006, 12:57 PM

Chuck Norris can get in the last word in an argument with MaggieL

09-22-2006, 09:41 AM	#1
Hippikos Flocci Non Facio Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: In The Line Of Fire Posts: 571	The utterly pointless Chuck Norris thread I want one... here goes Chuck Norris can divide by Zero Chuck Norris can ejaculate through walls. post yours. __________________ Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

09-22-2006, 10:20 AM	#3
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Kevlar vests are made from the expoliated body hair of Chuck Norris. Norris produces enough hair for 300 vests each day and donates them all to law enforcement. The only thing strong enough to cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris so he must scrape off the hair with his own fingernails. If Chuck Norris ever dies NASA has obtained the rights to use him as a re-entry vehicle. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

09-22-2006, 10:53 AM	#4
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	When Chuck Norris takes a bath, he just jumps into a tub full of ice cubes (otherwise the water evaporates before he can get wet). __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

09-22-2006, 11:21 AM	#5
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Mr. Norris (you guys calling him Chuck are in for some reckoning) is so quick he can turn off the light and be in bed before the room gets dark. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-22-2006, 11:23 AM	#6
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	When Mr. Norris needs a chuckle, he reminds himself that he and he alone knows the last digit of Pi but won't tell anyone what it is. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-22-2006, 10:09 AM	#2
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I believe I heard that Chuck Norris's urine cures cancer.

09-22-2006, 11:24 AM	#7
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	The Borg tried to assimilate Mr. Norris... They FAILED. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-22-2006, 11:25 AM	#8
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Mr. Norris does not have a birthday. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-22-2006, 11:30 AM	#9
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Once, Chu-.. er, MR. Norris was having one of those standoff things with this uber bad dude with long hair and tall and big and mean and bad and evil and wearing leather who just hurt someone that Mr. Norris cared for where they show Mr. Norris' icy stare then the other guy's icy stare then back and forth showing icy stares as the tension mounts THEN, all the sudden, Mr. Norris CLAPPED his hands together real fast in front of the bad dude's face and his eyeballs just exploded then his whole head exploded. Yep. Saw the whole thing. In person. On TV. But it wasn't a like a rerun or anything. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-22-2006, 11:35 AM	#10
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Oh, and Hippikos, Mr. Norris knows you started this thread. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

09-22-2006, 12:27 PM	#11
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	When Chuck Norris farts, the world supply of natural gas doubles. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

09-22-2006, 12:47 PM	#12
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Mr. Norris is responsible for global climate change. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

09-22-2006, 12:54 PM	#13
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Chuck Norris is a cheap renewable energy source __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

09-22-2006, 12:55 PM	#14
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Chuck Norris is the shadow government that Flint is always talking about __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

09-22-2006, 12:57 PM	#15
Spexxvet Makes some feel uncomfortable Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 10,346	Chuck Norris can get in the last word in an argument with MaggieL __________________ "I'm certainly free, nay compelled, to spread the gospel of Spex. " - xoxoxoBruce

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