Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 352

Gravdigr · 03-17-2015, 06:44 PM

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xoxoxoBruce · 03-17-2015, 06:58 PM

But just one...

Gravdigr · 03-23-2015, 02:59 PM

xoxoxoBruce · 03-26-2015, 08:16 PM

Good idea.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-27-2015, 06:23 AM

Husband went to the Sheriff's Department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Colour of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

DanaC · 03-27-2015, 06:24 AM

Heh.

Gravdigr · 03-27-2015, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

...A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4...

Hey, somebody pick me up one of them pick-ups next time you go to town, and got an extra $65,000 in your pocket...Fukkit, just get two.

Gravdigr · 04-03-2015, 03:07 PM

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Gravdigr · 04-12-2015, 12:26 PM

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Carruthers · 04-14-2015, 03:44 PM

I bought one of those microwave fireplaces last week.

Now I can have a relaxing evening in front of the fire in just 20 minutes.

Gravdigr · 04-14-2015, 04:07 PM

I keep waiting for a microwave freezer.

I need ice RFN!

Gravdigr · 04-22-2015, 03:41 PM

Carruthers · 04-23-2015, 01:29 PM

This sketch, from 'At Last, the 1948 Show' starred Tim-Brooke Taylor, John Cleese, Marty Feldman and Graham Chapman.
It portrays the briefing of undercover police disguised as provocatively dressed women.
Its humour lies more in the highly unprofessional acting than the script itself.
There's fluffed lines, ad libbing, corpsing, impromptu prompts and general anarchy. The outbreak of female aggression by Marty Feldman's character is particularly inspired.
Despite its title, the series dates from the late nineteen sixties or early seventies, and technical quality is poor. However, I think you'll find it worth investing five minutes of your time.

Gravdigr · 04-23-2015, 04:32 PM

That was great!

Lamplighter · 04-23-2015, 09:21 PM

...

03-17-2015, 06:44 PM	#5266
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-17-2015, 06:58 PM	#5267
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	But just one... Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-23-2015, 02:59 PM	#5268
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

03-26-2015, 08:16 PM	#5269
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Good idea. Attached Images __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-27-2015, 06:23 AM	#5270
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Husband went to the Sheriff's Department to report that his wife was missing. Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Colour of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. Sergeant: Colour of hair? Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember. Sergeant: What was she wearing? Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly. Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in? Husband: She went in my truck. Sergeant: What kind of truck was it? Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up. Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-03-2015, 03:07 PM	#5273
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-12-2015, 12:26 PM	#5274
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-14-2015, 03:44 PM	#5275
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	I bought one of those microwave fireplaces last week. Now I can have a relaxing evening in front of the fire in just 20 minutes.

04-14-2015, 04:07 PM	#5276
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	I keep waiting for a microwave freezer. I need ice RFN! __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-22-2015, 03:41 PM	#5277
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-23-2015, 01:29 PM	#5278
Carruthers Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Buckinghamshire UK Posts: 4,059	This sketch, from 'At Last, the 1948 Show' starred Tim-Brooke Taylor, John Cleese, Marty Feldman and Graham Chapman. It portrays the briefing of undercover police disguised as provocatively dressed women. Its humour lies more in the highly unprofessional acting than the script itself. There's fluffed lines, ad libbing, corpsing, impromptu prompts and general anarchy. The outbreak of female aggression by Marty Feldman's character is particularly inspired. Despite its title, the series dates from the late nineteen sixties or early seventies, and technical quality is poor. However, I think you'll find it worth investing five minutes of your time.

04-23-2015, 04:32 PM	#5279
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	That was great! __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-23-2015, 09:21 PM	#5280
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	...

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