Dear __________ letters

Glinda · 11-08-2009, 07:16 PM

Examples:

Quote:

Dear elderly people:

Thanks for retiring to Florida thus making the roads in the other states safer.

~~Other 49 states

Quote:

Dear Other 49 states:

Please stop sending your old people down here. We're full up.

~~Florida

Quote:

Dear Florida:

If we up and leave, you'll be nothing but a bunch of ghost towns and a Disney park.

Signed,
Old People

Quote:

Dear elderly and their parents:

We've changed the locks on the doors. Don't come back.

~~Other 49 states

Quote:

Dear other 49 states:

We've changed our wills and when we die you get NOTHING!!! MUAHAHAHAAH!!! Cough...cough!!!

Sincerely,

The elderly

Quote:

Dear elderly:

Please, please, please don't leave Florida.

Signed,
Sunshine State Armpit-Pant Megastore Emporium

Note: your letter doesn't have to riff off the previous letter, but bonus points if it does.

ZenGum · 11-08-2009, 08:12 PM

Dear Sunshine State Armpit-Pant Megastore Emporium,

Can we please have the top 6 inches of our trousers back? Our butts are getting cold.

Gangsta Clothing Warehouse.

lumberjim · 11-08-2009, 09:12 PM

Dear Cellar,

I'm not sorry about your finger

Love

Dan

Nirvana · 11-08-2009, 09:48 PM

Dear Cellar,
Don't forget to . . .

EAD

Love,
LJ

classicman · 11-09-2009, 10:15 AM

Dear LJ,

Get that thing out of your mouth.

respectfully,
Teh Cellah

Radar · 11-09-2009, 10:21 AM

Dear Religious People,

Kindly keep your religion out of MY government unless you want me to start legislating who you get to worship and how you may do so.

Sincerely,

American Patriots

classicman · 11-09-2009, 11:17 AM

Dear American Patriots,

I'm pretty sure thats your plan already.

Religious People

(this is supposed to be a back and forth right?)

Glinda · 11-09-2009, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by classicman

(this is supposed to be a back and forth right?)

Doesn't have to be. Whatever you like.

Dear Bill:

North Korea was fine, but you do NOT need to go to Argentina. OR hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

Signed,
Hillary

monster · 11-09-2009, 01:38 PM

Dear teenagers,

please pull your fucking pants up.Or, if you must wear them like that, then at least make your underpants interesting and/or attractive.

the rest of us

Deer oldiez

iz like da fashun u no ur 2 old 2 undestand its not fare an i need a new iphone

Knysha, Rebel n D'art-Onion

Dear kids

get off my lawn and get a job. And a spell checker.

the rest of us

Radar · 11-09-2009, 04:06 PM

Dear Religious People,

I could care less if you worship a potato, just don't put your potato worship in my government and stop trying to hide your bigotry behind your religion. You have no more right to prevent gay people from marrying than gay people have to force you to have an abortion in an effort to stop your stupidity from spreading.

Sincerely,

American Patriots

lumberjim · 11-09-2009, 05:19 PM

Dear Deer,

something something something

love,
Your mamma

Pie · 11-09-2009, 05:46 PM

Dear Top Management,
Stop making 85% of all problems.

Thanks,
The American Economy

monster · 11-09-2009, 06:59 PM

Dear American Economy

you simply don't understand big business and that is why we are paid gesquillions and you are not.

Your invoice for this response is enclosed. We are delighted to announce that we are currently running a Buy-one-get-one-free Sale on responses, and all production will grind to a halt until you submit your next letter to us and claim your free response.

pp Top Management

monster · 11-09-2009, 07:02 PM

Dear Brits in Ann Arbor,

Sorry, I just bought all the Heinz Beans from Hiller's. No, I'm not sharing. The crumpets were yummy too -I left you some of those.

monster

ZenGum · 11-09-2009, 07:03 PM

Dear Radar,

(CC: Classicman)

I think this is supposed to be a humour thread.

Thanks,

Humour Fascist

11-08-2009, 08:12 PM	#2
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Dear Sunshine State Armpit-Pant Megastore Emporium, Can we please have the top 6 inches of our trousers back? Our butts are getting cold. Gangsta Clothing Warehouse. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

11-08-2009, 09:12 PM	#3
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Dear Cellar, I'm not sorry about your finger Love Dan __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

11-08-2009, 09:48 PM	#4
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Dear Cellar, Don't forget to . . . EAD Love, LJ __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

11-09-2009, 10:15 AM	#5
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Dear LJ, Get that thing out of your mouth. respectfully, Teh Cellah __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

11-09-2009, 10:21 AM	#6
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	Dear Religious People, Kindly keep your religion out of MY government unless you want me to start legislating who you get to worship and how you may do so. Sincerely, American Patriots __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

11-09-2009, 11:17 AM	#7
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Dear American Patriots, I'm pretty sure thats your plan already. Religious People (this is supposed to be a back and forth right?) __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

11-09-2009, 01:38 PM	#9
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Dear teenagers, please pull your fucking pants up.Or, if you must wear them like that, then at least make your underpants interesting and/or attractive. the rest of us Deer oldiez iz like da fashun u no ur 2 old 2 undestand its not fare an i need a new iphone Knysha, Rebel n D'art-Onion Dear kids get off my lawn and get a job. And a spell checker. the rest of us __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-09-2009, 04:06 PM	#10
Radar Constitutional Scholar Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 4,006	Dear Religious People, I could care less if you worship a potato, just don't put your potato worship in my government and stop trying to hide your bigotry behind your religion. You have no more right to prevent gay people from marrying than gay people have to force you to have an abortion in an effort to stop your stupidity from spreading. Sincerely, American Patriots __________________ "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin

11-09-2009, 05:19 PM	#11
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	Dear Deer, something something something love, Your mamma __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

11-09-2009, 05:46 PM	#12
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Dear Top Management, Stop making 85% of all problems. Thanks, The American Economy __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

11-09-2009, 06:59 PM	#13
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Dear American Economy you simply don't understand big business and that is why we are paid gesquillions and you are not. Your invoice for this response is enclosed. We are delighted to announce that we are currently running a Buy-one-get-one-free Sale on responses, and all production will grind to a halt until you submit your next letter to us and claim your free response. pp Top Management __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-09-2009, 07:02 PM	#14
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Dear Brits in Ann Arbor, Sorry, I just bought all the Heinz Beans from Hiller's. No, I'm not sharing. The crumpets were yummy too -I left you some of those. monster __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

11-09-2009, 07:03 PM	#15
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Dear Radar, (CC: Classicman) I think this is supposed to be a humour thread. Thanks, Humour Fascist __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

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