Putting Out the Lights

I know.
But, part of me answers your second question, "move on"... but I know it is a lie, in the way I picture it.

Lucid is kinda' pushin' it, lol.
Again, you are very kind. Thank you.

Funny you mention the first comments, this last week I was going through a lot with my bladder and stones... to me it really was not that bad. It made the Dr. and nurses very squeamish and they apologized a lot. I had to keep telling them, "s-ok, keep going, I'm all right. I'll tell you when to stop...".
The amount of pain I deal with daily, does not really dawn on me until I have to deal with what others see as something awful. However, at the same time, I know it is trashing my nervous system.
My ego is really taking a hit, I'm going to have to start using a catheter from time to time... I'm very embarrassed by it, just as I started to be a little ok with being in public on days when I could not hide pain.
I'm not keeping-up.