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#31 |
This is a fully functional babe lair
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Akron, OH
Posts: 2,324
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I guess mine was a little long.. here's the short version: same dude both times, once almost lost his finger by deliberately sticking his hand into an operating piece of industrial machinery, a few weeks later went wandering in the mountain forest by himself with no direction or means of survival and got lost for hours.
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Kiss my white Irish ass. |
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#32 |
dar512 is now Pete Zicato
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Chicago suburb
Posts: 4,968
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It is usually best to begin at the beginning.
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"Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich Schiller |
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#33 |
Gamehenge
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Halifax, NS
Posts: 168
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my fav, I get this at least once a day. And no, they aren't doing it on purpose; the vapid stare comes through in their voice.
Other company's receptionist: "Hello, Welcome to Floor-Mart" Me: "Hi, is Edward there?" Other: "Yes"...*5-10 seconds go by* "Do you want to speak with him?" One time I couldn't take it anymore, and replied "No, I'm robbing his house and wanted to make sure he didn't leave early".
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It's Really Plain and Easy To See, The Family grows like fungus on a tree. |
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#34 |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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Heh.. I once called in on a weekend (the day after Christmas) to try to talk to a doctor.
Me: I'd like to speak to Dr. X. [Whom I had been told was on call for my Dr.] Answering service: The office is closed now. They'll be in at 9AM tomorrow. Me: Well, um, I need to talk to somebody now. And I was told he was on call today. Is that true? Answering service: Yes. [pause] Me: Well, I was thinking since he was on call maybe you could page him for me? [longer pause] Answering service: Yeah, I can do that. |
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#35 |
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,338
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Let's start at the end...recent means (to me) that I can remember more detail...
Last Saturday I was in Omaha, waiting for a load so I could take my brand new truck out for a spin. My boss called one in to me (my computer was down). I was to take a certain trailer loaded with dog food to a Purina plant an hour away. There was, however, one small problem... the trailer was damaged. He didn't know how badly. I was to inspect it and let him know if it was safe to roll. I did so. The damage was caused by someone backing into the side and gouging a largish hole. Everything safety-related worked, it was just a hole so I upped the trailer and called the boss and told him the load was safe to go. He told me to hook it up and stand by for confirmation from the maintenance dept. OK. So... He calls back 03 minutes later and tells me to go ahead and take the load at 2130 to make a 2300 delivery. So far so good. At 2130 I arrive to take the load out. The guard stops me and tells me the trailer is still down. My boss has gone home for the day by then. Uh oh! I call the on-duty dispatcher and get him to straighten this out so I can get going. All maintenance needs is his okay to deliver and then return the trailer for repairs. He emails the head of the trailer shop that this is what will happen. I wait. At 2300 I call again to find out what the delay is and to get a new dock appt since the load is now late. I find out that the shop will not release the trailer because there is rain in the forecast and they don't want the load getting wet. WTF? I tell the shop foreman I can deliver the load safely and intact (dry) if I leave NOW. The rain isn't going to hit before sunrise. No. I have to leave it there and cancel the load. This load is the last one leaving the area for the weekend and is my only chance to get going. Grrr. It turns out that the rain didn't start until 1030 the next day. The trailer was left out and the load is now soaked and ruined. Not My Fault (NMF). I couldn't resist calling the weekend dispatcher and rubbing it in, I could have had the load delivered and the trailer returned long before the rain started. The guy said, and I quote, "You are making too much sense...stop it!" I just shook my head in wonder.
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Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous |
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#36 |
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3,338
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Oh yeah, I got a call yesterday from my last student.
Two days ago, he was issued his first truck, a Kenworth W900 (a really nice truck). Yesterday, he took it out on his first solo load. And wrecked it. Turned it over on a highway ramp. This after a record three months of training on my truck (normal is six weeks or so). And I TOLD him to take it easier than my truck, the KW is bigger and heavier than the truck I trained him on and turns much wider. So he went out and made one of the worst mistakes a trucker can make...taking a turn too fast. We go around ramps so slowly so as not to turn the damn thing over and snarl traffic for a few hours. You know how frustrating it is to be behind a slow-moving truck on a ramp...imagine if it tips and you are stuck there for hours while DOT gets out a crane to remove the wreck. Not so bad anymore, is it? So he goes and does the bad thing. And embarrasses me in the process as I just signed off on him a week ago. So I'm waiting for safety dept to call me and ask WHY I said he was good to go if he wasn't. As if *I* had an inkling of this. Sigh. This is a trainer's nightmare. This and the student wrecking MY truck, which fortunately hasn't happened (yet). Knock on wood.
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Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. -- Anonymous |
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#37 |
is fleeing the scene
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Beautiful CO
Posts: 1,510
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My favorite, which happens all day every day:
Me: "John Smith's office. May I help you?" (Or something along those lines...) "Is John there?" "Yes, but he's on the other line." "Well do you know how long he'll be?" What I would like to say: "Well let me get out my friggin crystal ball here..."
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Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six. |
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#38 |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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I just had a customer come in and ask about extending his warranty. His wife bought the car in 07, and he was at 30K and wanted to extend before he ran out of factory warranty.....great. i love that. so, i spend 15 minutes telling him about the coverage that is available, give him payment plans for 2 different terms through the 0%APR program. he looks it all over, says he'll talk to the wife and let me know. OK, fine
10 minutes later, he walks back in while on the phone with his wife, and says, yeah..I'll take the 6yr 100K and we'll just pay cash for it. Better still. Ok, so I need to go into her deal and get the info on the car.....VIN etc....and I notice that she already bought a 6yr 75,000 mile warranty when she got the car. sigh.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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#39 | |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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Quote:
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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#40 | |||
Person who doesn't update the user title
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 6,674
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Quote:
It may be that Mr. Specter will join Joe Lieberman and enlarge one of the two categories of Democrats that are worth a damn to the Republic: hitherto, one of the two kinds was those registered Democrats in uniform, involved in fixing a horrible and festering situation that pupped out a lot of terrorist attacks, and the other one was Joe Lieberman. The rest of the national Democratic leadership had nothing for me. The pressures of actually having majority responsiblity now to prosecute the war and act in aid of the Republic may change that, but I think the chance is pretty remote, given their antics of the first hundred days. The Democratic Party might get its soul back once it turns its back on its socialist element. This nanny-statism of theirs just disgusts the free, adult human beings. If they are disgusting you, do speak up. Quote:
I've never seen anything impressive from you, rich, really. Had you real confidence in the ideas that you imply you value (whatever those may be -- again, they've not made an impression), why, you'd make the effort to pass them through an abodominal wall to reach, old fellow, where you'd like to believe my head is. Frankly, I think you're mired in off-kilter beliefs. You tend, you see, to tell me so. I, after all, believe my ideas are good enough to drive right through even the thickest abdominal wall, and can encourage the fortunate to pull their metaphorical head out. Quote:
Third time's the charm, for the childish displays you have such an established habit of. When you lock horns with me, you end up looking like an ass.
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Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course. Last edited by Urbane Guerrilla; 05-02-2009 at 12:41 AM. |
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#41 |
Esnohplad Semaj Ton
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: A little south of sanity
Posts: 2,259
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If the cellar were my job I'd be pointing at UG now.
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#42 |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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just because the thread has the word 'Stupidity' in the title is no reason to start talking politics in it.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
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#43 |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
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#44 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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ah, work stupidity. There is nothing sweeter. I've loads but my favorites come from food and medicine:
customer: "How big are the silver dollar pancakes?" Customer: "Instead of toast, can I get the side of ham?" Customer: "These eggs ain't scrambled, these eggs is cooked!" Patient: "Why does my arm hurt?" Me: (alarmed) "You haven't been using it, have you?" Patient: "His fever is 105! I was going to give him tylenol, but I wanted you to see that his fever was this high!!" Me: "Lady, I would've believed you." (child goes into seizures) Me (to bipolar pt. on a manic high) "Do you have any special powers?" Pt. "I know exactly what you're trying to do here and it won't work." Me: "oh." Pt. "yeah, the answer to that stupid question is WE ALL HAVE WINGS BUT SOME US DON'T KNOW WHYYYYYYY!" Me: "Nice INXS impression" Pt. "thanks!" Me: "On a scale of 0-10, with zero being no pain, how much pain are you having?" Pt. "well...[thinks hard]...it hurts."
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
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#45 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
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another goodie. Poor man's father had died at the age of 70-something. Daddy had been a smoker and heavy drinker, lover of biscuits and sausage-gravy and a hard-boiled type steel worker who caroused and partied all his life, really actually cheated death. This man, his son, came to me in tears and said, "You know who I blame for my father's death?"
Me: "Who?" Son: "The doctors!" was a near-perfect moment.
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In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
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