A worky-type question

SteveDallas · 06-29-2005, 05:37 PM

So this friend of mine shared an interesting situation with me recently. Given that Dwellars are the fount of all wisdom, I thought I'd ask your opinions.

Here's the situation: my friend has been employed at the same place for 7 years. During that time he's had a boss who has been a true partner and mentor in his work. So, now that it's time for that boss to step down into semi-retirement, my friend obviously wants to make sure he doesn't do anything to in anyway dis the boss or make him think he's not grateful.

Yesterday my friend was notified that there will be a semi-private surprise dinner for the boss this weekend, and further details would be forthcoming. Today an email informed him of the location of the dinner, catered at a local restaurant, and that everyone attending is expected to pony up $50 to cover the cost of the dinner.

My friend is a cheap bastard who probably doesn't spend $50 on FOUR dinners out, and he's also kind of aggravated that this is happening at the last minute.

In his position, would you shell out the $50?

plthijinx · 06-29-2005, 05:39 PM

yeah, unless he'd rather go through the drive-thru and bring that with him

BrianR · 06-29-2005, 05:43 PM

Yes. As long as he doesn't make a habit of it. Retiring that is.

However, Miss Manners says that if he cannot attend, sending along a card and small gift with apologies will cover it. A "previous engagement" (read: empty wallet) can always be remembered.

Personally, I would pony up and shut up. IF the man was so instrumental to me for years, I would want to show my gratitude and send him off with a nice dinner and gift. Uh, this DOES include a nice gift, right? It had better. $50 is not too much to cover a nice dinner plus a portion of the boss's dinner and gift.

That's my take on it anyway.

lookout123 · 06-29-2005, 05:46 PM

$50 is a small price to pay to honor someone who has been instrumental in one's career path. obviously if he truly cannot afford $50, then he'll have to make his excuses, but even then his absence will be noted.

SteveDallas · 06-29-2005, 06:19 PM

No gift. Just dinner.

BigV · 06-29-2005, 06:31 PM

I echo the comments above regarding the truth that $50 is small compared to help in one's career through the years. Cheap don't enter into it. However, I reckon that the mentor knows already the mentee's gratitude. I would certainly hope so. And the "dinner" was clearly not the mentee's idea given his penchant for frugality. If I were the mentor, I would understand either way. Id "know" my mentee, and wouldn't judge him on this call. Perhaps seeing him at the dinner and being able to infer the personal cost to him I would understand what a gesture his presence represents.

I think it's useful to observe that even though the party is in the retiree's honor, the decision to have the pay as you go dinner was the brainchild of the other attendees, not the guest of honor. You'd be confronting them on the $$ issue.

Which brings up another question. Why isn't the company paying for the dinner? If it's just us guys out for fun, we all pay our way, but if it's a work celebration, anniversary, retirement, everywhere I've been, the boss picked up the bill. Maybe that's not the company dynamic here...seems kinda cheap though.

staceyv · 06-29-2005, 07:07 PM

Your friend sounds like he might be a selfish bastard.
You say his boss was a friend and mentor that he knew for 7 years and now he's retiring.
Your friend is too friggin dirt cheap to part with $50 for this? That's sad.

SteveDallas · 06-29-2005, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

Why isn't the company paying for the dinner? If it's just us guys out for fun, we all pay our way, but if it's a work celebration, anniversary, retirement, everywhere I've been, the boss picked up the bill. Maybe that's not the company dynamic here...seems kinda cheap though.

There is a company-wide lunch for the boss. Whether this dinner is an "official" function or not is extremely ambiguous. My friend was not originally on the guest list and was added at the last minute. (To be fair it was supposed to be "senior management" and the person setting it up didn't realize that included my friend.)

lookout123 · 06-29-2005, 08:31 PM

well, with that little bit of info i would say that it is even more crucial that he pony up and go along for the ride.

A) $50 isn't too much to pay for honoring a friend and mentor
B) if he is senior mgmt and the others didn't know it, this is his chance to make his membership in their club known.
C) if he isn't senior mgmt and they included him it would be very unwise to reject the invite.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-29-2005, 08:35 PM

Pay it and take a BIG doggie bag.

BigV · 06-29-2005, 08:57 PM

Ditto the wise counsel of l123. Think of it as an investment, or at least a self advertising expense.

footfootfoot · 06-29-2005, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staceyv

Your friend sounds like he might be a selfish bastard.
You say his boss was a friend and mentor that he knew for 7 years and now he's retiring.
Your friend is too friggin dirt cheap to part with $50 for this? That's sad.

Ouch. Schooled by a waitress.

(no offense to the profession, it's just that I know how hard you work for often meager tips)

breakingnews · 06-29-2005, 11:22 PM

I agree with those who say the money is a small price to pay for the show of gratitude.

My boss left about two months ago - we had a quick and awkward lunch send-off (she quit because of her superior), but later that night we put together a bar party for a real farewell. Figured 5 or 6 of us were going to split up the tab, but my boss was so happy to be leaving that she picked up the entire bill. That's gratitude!

wolf · 06-30-2005, 12:55 AM

I'm another pony up the $50 and go to the dinner vote.

In addition to honoring someone that he has worked with over this period of time, this is also essentially a political appearance ... Your friend may or may not be in line for the newly-vacated position, and showing that he is indeed a company player will either further that, or at least make certain that he's known to upper management.

Of course, I'm working for a company in which I've advanced as far as possible in the food chain, unless my boss has a stress-related heart attack.

melidasaur · 06-30-2005, 08:33 AM

I too am seconding the sentiments echoed above. If he was added at last minute, maybe there is a good reason for that - like a promotion in the future. Plus, if he's cheap, he'll make up for it somehow later on - ie by buying generic toothpaste or just dipping his toothbrush in a box of baking soda.

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06-29-2005, 05:37 PM	#1
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	A worky-type question So this friend of mine shared an interesting situation with me recently. Given that Dwellars are the fount of all wisdom, I thought I'd ask your opinions. Here's the situation: my friend has been employed at the same place for 7 years. During that time he's had a boss who has been a true partner and mentor in his work. So, now that it's time for that boss to step down into semi-retirement, my friend obviously wants to make sure he doesn't do anything to in anyway dis the boss or make him think he's not grateful. Yesterday my friend was notified that there will be a semi-private surprise dinner for the boss this weekend, and further details would be forthcoming. Today an email informed him of the location of the dinner, catered at a local restaurant, and that everyone attending is expected to pony up $50 to cover the cost of the dinner. My friend is a cheap bastard who probably doesn't spend $50 on FOUR dinners out, and he's also kind of aggravated that this is happening at the last minute. In his position, would you shell out the $50?

06-29-2005, 05:39 PM	#2
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	yeah, unless he'd rather go through the drive-thru and bring that with him __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

06-29-2005, 05:46 PM	#4
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	$50 is a small price to pay to honor someone who has been instrumental in one's career path. obviously if he truly cannot afford $50, then he'll have to make his excuses, but even then his absence will be noted. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-29-2005, 06:31 PM	#6
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I echo the comments above regarding the truth that $50 is small compared to help in one's career through the years. Cheap don't enter into it. However, I reckon that the mentor knows already the mentee's gratitude. I would certainly hope so. And the "dinner" was clearly not the mentee's idea given his penchant for frugality. If I were the mentor, I would understand either way. Id "know" my mentee, and wouldn't judge him on this call. Perhaps seeing him at the dinner and being able to infer the personal cost to him I would understand what a gesture his presence represents. I think it's useful to observe that even though the party is in the retiree's honor, the decision to have the pay as you go dinner was the brainchild of the other attendees, not the guest of honor. You'd be confronting them on the $$ issue. Which brings up another question. Why isn't the company paying for the dinner? If it's just us guys out for fun, we all pay our way, but if it's a work celebration, anniversary, retirement, everywhere I've been, the boss picked up the bill. Maybe that's not the company dynamic here...seems kinda cheap though. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

06-29-2005, 05:43 PM	#3
BrianR Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,338	Yes. As long as he doesn't make a habit of it. Retiring that is. However, Miss Manners says that if he cannot attend, sending along a card and small gift with apologies will cover it. A "previous engagement" (read: empty wallet) can always be remembered. Personally, I would pony up and shut up. IF the man was so instrumental to me for years, I would want to show my gratitude and send him off with a nice dinner and gift. Uh, this DOES include a nice gift, right? It had better. $50 is not too much to cover a nice dinner plus a portion of the boss's dinner and gift. That's my take on it anyway.

06-29-2005, 06:19 PM	#5
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	No gift. Just dinner.

06-29-2005, 07:07 PM	#7
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	Your friend sounds like he might be a selfish bastard. You say his boss was a friend and mentor that he knew for 7 years and now he's retiring. Your friend is too friggin dirt cheap to part with $50 for this? That's sad.

06-29-2005, 08:31 PM	#9
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	well, with that little bit of info i would say that it is even more crucial that he pony up and go along for the ride. A) $50 isn't too much to pay for honoring a friend and mentor B) if he is senior mgmt and the others didn't know it, this is his chance to make his membership in their club known. C) if he isn't senior mgmt and they included him it would be very unwise to reject the invite. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

06-29-2005, 08:35 PM	#10
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Pay it and take a BIG doggie bag. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-29-2005, 08:57 PM	#11
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Ditto the wise counsel of l123. Think of it as an investment, or at least a self advertising expense. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

06-29-2005, 11:22 PM	#13
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	I agree with those who say the money is a small price to pay for the show of gratitude. My boss left about two months ago - we had a quick and awkward lunch send-off (she quit because of her superior), but later that night we put together a bar party for a real farewell. Figured 5 or 6 of us were going to split up the tab, but my boss was so happy to be leaving that she picked up the entire bill. That's gratitude! __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

06-30-2005, 12:55 AM	#14
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I'm another pony up the $50 and go to the dinner vote. In addition to honoring someone that he has worked with over this period of time, this is also essentially a political appearance ... Your friend may or may not be in line for the newly-vacated position, and showing that he is indeed a company player will either further that, or at least make certain that he's known to upper management. Of course, I'm working for a company in which I've advanced as far as possible in the food chain, unless my boss has a stress-related heart attack. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-30-2005, 08:33 AM	#15
melidasaur Traded your soul for pogs. Join Date: May 2004 Location: Champaign, IL Posts: 646	I too am seconding the sentiments echoed above. If he was added at last minute, maybe there is a good reason for that - like a promotion in the future. Plus, if he's cheap, he'll make up for it somehow later on - ie by buying generic toothpaste or just dipping his toothbrush in a box of baking soda. __________________ I love England, what can I say?

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