Can it be my turn to cry? (Long VENT. Like a novel.)

[limey]

Rather late in the day ... I, too, am glad that communication - with your SIL, with your husband - has proved to be the answer this time. I am a great believe in talking things out, if you can. And belated happy birthday, too!

[Hoof Hearted]

Originally Posted by limey

...am glad that communication - with your SIL, with your husband - has proved to be the answer this time.

Thanks for the b-day wishes and apologies for the lengthy delay in responding. I had a friend fly out to visit this week and have been minimally on the internet with her here.

Communication. Well, it looks like we still need to work on communication with the SIL... SIL walked in on me and my friend as I was making disparaging remarks about SIL/BIL to my friend. Granted, SIL only heard a part of that conversation...but she heard the most damning. I felt awful. I really did!
For about 5 minutes.
It took SIL that long to formulate a reply and come back to confront me with the juvenile, yet dramatic, statement of: "Don't bother to cook for us any more."
What she overheard was me making a comment about the crappy Hamburger Helper they purchase to cook on "their" nights. I cannot eat HH as it upsets my digestive system. When I cook, I cook REAL food. Follow recipes and such. Some things come out of a box, (noodles, stuffing, froz/veg) but not the main course. The REST of my comment to my friend was going to include how they haven't used the HH in quite a while, but the last time they (BIL, because SIL can't/won't) cooked was porkchops on the BBQ, but it was over 10-14 days previous...and I was feeling very put upon doing all of the cooking.
So, I was dumbfounded at her response and told her we all needed to sit down and discuss things, and she snarkily replied "Yeah, we will!" So I clapped my hands in a 'shut-up' gesture and replied that we certainly WOULD be having a discussion.
I didn't say it, but I was thinking...my house, my rules and I am going to WIN this one.

I read somewhere though...if you fight to win, everybody loses. If you fight to reach a solution, everybody wins.

I don't want to fight, but I am very tired of feeling used/abused and especially seeing so little gratitude or assistance from them. They empty the dishwasher. They do their own laundry. I have asked and had SIL vacuum once and asked and had her mop once. I have also asked for specific yard work. NOTHING is done on their own initiative. Well, the garbage gets taken to the outdoor trash and I know Hubby doesn't do that so I assume they are carrying that out. However, they do not assist in cleaning the kitchen after I have cooked dinner meals and I have even cleaned some of their pots/pans after they've made a bkfst or lunch meal for themselves.
I just want them out of my house if they are going to continue to behave this way. I want to help them, but I want to see some effort on their part, too. How can I get this across without alienating them?
hh

PS
...as I was preparing my own dinner this evening (of leftovers from last nights' delicious meal I prepared for my friend) SIL entered the kitchen and I heartfelt apologized to her about what she overheard me say. I really DO feel badly that she overheard my comments. She only looked at me and nodded her head. Didn't say a word and went back to the bedroom she and BIL share.
What do I make of that?