Why am I such farked in the head??

[DucksNuts]

I'm the most self destructive nutbag I know.

Every time I think I've met a lovely guy who will be good for me and I am actually really attracted to him, I go into this self destruct mode and push them away with weird stuff until they succumb and bolt.

I'm doing it again!! and I know I am doing it but I cant stop myself.

What drugs should I be taking?? wolf??? Bri???

[Aliantha]

Ice??? Apparently it's pretty popular.

[Aliantha]

Oh, and the reason you're such farked in the head is because you are.

Don't worry bout it. Just go with the flow chicky babe. Have fun, and see where it goes.

You know why you do it, so don't ask dumb questions! (you know I luv ya right?)

[limey]

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

I'm the most self destructive nutbag I know.

Every time I think I've met a lovely guy who will be good for me and I am actually really attracted to him, I go into this self destruct mode and push them away with weird stuff until they succumb and bolt.

I'm doing it again!! and I know I am doing it but I cant stop myself.

What drugs should I be taking?? wolf??? Bri???

Tell him you're doing it ... either he'll run (and you're pushing him away anyway) or he'll listen, stop and listen some more .... what've you got to lose?

[Griff]

It sounds like you want him to leave for a bad reason in case someday he leaves for a reason closer to reality. If thats the case, I think you can beat this thing if you embrace that knowlege and just convince yourself that you are tough enough to handle whatever comes. I used to work a variation on this, obsessing on the doors that close with a long term comittment instead of looking at the positives. ymmv

[Stormieweather]

Of course you can stop yourself...once you know why you're doing what you're doing.

The first step is awareness that you are behaving self-destructively and you've already achieved that. Next, you probably want to look at why you are afraid of/uninterested in being involved with this really nice, attractive guy.

Is it possible there are red flags with this guy that you haven't yet acknowledged? Could your subconcious mind know he isn't ultimately good for you so you act in such a way as to drive him away?

Maybe you really don't want to settle down. Maybe you're perfectly happy living the single life and anyone who looks too good is settle-down material. Maybe finding Mr. Right is something your family and friends think you 'should' do but is not what you really want, so you subconciously try to ruin any potential relationship with Mr. Right.

Could be that you have low self-esteem and therefore believe that you don't 'deserve' a really nice guy. Maybe you're afraid of being rejected once he gets to know you intimately, so you figure you'll run him off now...before you get emotionally involved.?

I have no idea what the reason(s) could be, merely suggesting possibilities. But once you uncover the root of your behavior, it is much easier to change your actions.

Stormie

Look deep... do you feel like you deserve them?
Really DESERVE to be treated well?
I did not for a long time, and I sabotaged every relationship that was going well, until I chose to deserve to be treated well and treat her well. I still do it sometimes, catch myself and stop it, apologize, make-up for it and move-on.
If you have low self esteem, the impulse to sabotage relationships won't end, we don't feel like we deserve them unless they are harming us... then we treat the abusers like princes(cesses).
If you get really lucky, you will get one that recognizes what you are doing and they will laugh at your attempt to push them away and just say "stop it and get over here". Very few us us get that lucky.

[limey]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Look deep... do you feel like you deserve them?
Really DESERVE to be treated well?
I did not for a long time, and I sabotaged every relationship that was going well, until I chose to deserve to be treated well and treat her well. I still do it sometimes, catch myself and stop it, apologize, make-up for it and move-on.
If you have low self esteem, the impulse to sabotage relationships won't end, we don't feel like we deserve them unless they are harming us... then we treat the abusers like princes(cesses).
If you get really lucky, you will get one that recognizes what you are doing and they will laugh at your attempt to push them away and just say "stop it and get over here". Very few us us get that lucky.

Wise words.

Thanks... hard won.

[Elspode]

Ducks, it sounds to me as though you are afraid of being hurt, and so you push them away to make sure that you don't.

I get this totally. I know that my own tendancy to hold people at arm's length has cost me an awful lot of meaningful experiences in life, especially with those who should mean the most to me.

Hurt and pain are a part of who we are as humans. The more you love and trust, the more things hurt when stuff isn't quite right.

Until we learn that true love involves pain, that gaining experience involves us accepting things that hurt us, and finding out how to absorb those experiences, grow and live...we aren't truly alive.

So take a risk. Open up, let things flow. If they don't work out, you'll learn. The pain won't kill you. And you'll be that much better equipped when the next opportunity comes along.

[KinkyVixen]

It's defnitely a defense mechanism Ducks, and mediciation isn't going to make it go away. I don't have any wise words to say, the others already said them. You know you're doing it...so be honest about it. He probably won't run. I'm like that...and have been...where I push people away. The two people that I was honest about it with didn't run...they wanted to know, to understand, and to help if they could. Give it a shot. If he runs, then it's probably for the best anyway, right?

Emotions don't work like band-aids, but somewhere along the line I got it in my head that if I went ahead and fucked-it-all-up now, I could get all the pain over with, quick-like.
But, I'm stupid, and just ended-up hurting all the time, along with a lot of others along the way.
I'm not saying that is what you are doing, not at all... but I am saying that you are doing something before you are thinking, and someone who loves you may be able to catch some of the signs before you do...
Deal is, you are going to have to trust them and not be defensive when they call your ass on it
No damn fun... I still hate it, and it has been a while. It does get easier though, and I promise you, it is worth it.
.02 more.

[DucksNuts]

Thanks guys - I'm working on it.

Will see what happens I guess.

You guys sooo rock though

[Spexxvet]

I think you're doing it because your heart belongs to mrnoodle.:p

[limey]

To be honest I'm more bothered by the grammar of the question. Surely you know it should either be "Why am I suchwise farked in the head" or, more vernacularly, "Why am I suchly farked in the head"?