Confused about reaction

[Shawnee123]

Originally Posted by skysidhe

It proababy wasn't the wheelchair as a whole. It was probably because you're so dammed good looking.

Damn, she beat me to it. Seriously, rage, you have quite a strong character that just beams out of you. Sometimes you post a pic of yourself and I feel like you can see me through the computer screen (luckily I'm at work and we aren't allowed to be nekkid.) I imagine they felt a bit of respect for you, knowing you have had your crosses to bear and can still turn the heads of women, and a few guys too.

That is very kind of you. I mean that.
Who knows.
The other places I go, the kind of people that go there, if/when they get drunk, they just come up to me and ask "thfuckswrongwitya' man? I like yur hat..." and buy me a drink. Bikers or psychobilly people don't stare they ask... they get stared at a lot, I guess, so they probably don't want to do it to others.
Now that I think about it.

[Weird Harold]

I once belonged to a forum, and every other post was a reference to Sienfeld. So at the risk of Sienfelding up the place, I have to bring up an episode. The only thing I remember from the episode, was this guy in a wheelchair, and his wife starts screaming at him, "You didn't wipe your wheels. It's only common courtesy to wipe your wheels when you come inside."

It reminded me that people do treat someone in a wheelchair differently. We want to do the right thing, but we fail. When someone, like the guy's wife is exposed to someone in a wheelchair everyday, they begin to treat them as a "normal" person.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

That is very kind of you. I mean that.
Who knows.
The other places I go, the kind of people that go there, if/when they get drunk, they just come up to me and ask "thfuckswrongwitya' man? I like yur hat..." and buy me a drink. Bikers or psychobilly people don't stare they ask... they get stared at a lot, I guess, so they probably don't want to do it to others.
Now that I think about it.

What do you tell them? I mean how deeply to you get into your explanation to strangers in the bar? Does it vary with how drunk they are? Do you wing it depending on whether the question seems perfunctory or genuine interest?

Does it vary with how drunk they are

That and how interested they actually are.
It is courteous to wipe your wheels if it is wet outside or going onto carpet. I have a towel and wipes in my backpack just for that. The wipes are for that and the fact that most disabled bathrooms are trashed.

[Violet Haze]

Originally Posted by Cyclefrance

It's a shame that we react that way as it gives the wrong impression. I don't believe it's anything more than the element of surprise at NOT seeing what you expect - i.e. a person sitting in a chair. The trouble is that we, as human beings, aren't very good at dealing with these situations. The obvious thing to do might be to say what we feel - would a 'hey, sorry, you threw me there, must have looked as though I was staring at you because you're in a wheelchair, but it's just that I was expecting a chair not a wheelchair - I feel an idiot!' not be more straightforward and appropriate? But feeling that we have made one mistake by 'staring' rather than put the record straight we tend to try to cover the impression we believe we are creating (staring at someone in a wheelchair) by avoiding the issue of putting matters straight - and then we end up making things worse - we overplay the act of trying to ignore the situation - and that draws even more attention to it. There's an old saying that goes 'if you put yourself in a hole the first thing you should do is stop digging' - the trouble is we seldom do.

Maybe I'm being overkind with my explanation? I don't really think so. Sure, there are a few people out there who might deliberately berate someone in a wheelchair, but for most of us it's the surprise element and then we screw up by turning the surprise into something that can be conceived as being rude and distasteful by what we do next.

I think you're bang on.

rkzenrage - what happened to necessitate the wheelchair?

I have a number of disorders, they are congenital and degenerative. A few are advanced arthritis, osteoporosis, degenerative connective tissue disorder, a few birth defects in my spine and epidural space and a few other issues. It's complicated. I can go into it more if you wish.

[Violet Haze]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

I have a number of disorders, they are congenital and degenerative. A few are advanced arthritis, osteoporosis, degenerative connective tissue disorder, a few birth defects in my spine and epidural space and a few other issues. It's complicated. I can go into it more if you wish.

Damn.

I hope inadequate/impossible pain management isn't included in the few other issues.

I have pain management. Adequate or not would be a long conversation.
They are doing all they can and I am grateful for the care that I get.
The fact is that the technology is just not there yet to be able to deal with the level of pain that I am in.
I'm not complaining about the pain, just that it causes other issues and complicates existing problems.

[Violet Haze]

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

I have pain management. Adequate or not would be a long conversation.
They are doing all they can and I am grateful for the care that I get.
The fact is that the technology is just not there yet to be able to deal with the level of pain that I am in.
I'm not complaining about the pain, just that it causes other issues and complicates existing problems.

I have a bit of an idea of some of the issues that long term chronic pain can create. Not only are there the obvious issues but there's more subtle and indirect physical, emotional, and intellectual effects as well.

Absolutley.