Humor...I Need Humor...

[Cloud]

A Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as
> chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University
> in Marquette.
>
> They would get together two or three times a week for
> coffee and to talk shop.
>
> One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people
> isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to
> preach to a bear.
>
> One thing led to another and they decided to do an
> experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a
> bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
>
> Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their
> experience.
>
> Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on
> crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs,
> goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find
> me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from
> the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with
> me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my
> holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God,
> he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out
> next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
>
> Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with
> an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best
> fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers,
> you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND
> me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's
> HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So
> I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled
> down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came
> to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his
> hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle
> as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
>
> The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi,
> who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast
> and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of
> him. He was in real bad shape.
>
> The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it,
> circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

[smurfalicious]

Two rednecks walk into a Dairy Queen.

While having a couple of Blizzards, when suddenly a woman at a nearby table, eating a Coney dog, begins to cough and choke.

One of the guys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue, eyes widen and shakes her head no.

The redneck strolls over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a long lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. She begins to breathe again.

The redneck ambles smugly back to his table to a thunderous round of applause.

His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it."