Discussing death with kids - Page 2

monster · 09-13-2007, 08:43 PM

Yes, warn them. No, don't take them to the funeral.

I agree with the others about how to explain death, that's how we did it. Cremation is much more common in the UK and that's what happened to their granddad, so we explained that when asked about what happens to the body. We said he didn't need it anymore and how cremation can be a form of recycling..... they got a pretty good grip on it. they were about the same age as yours (plus one younger)

innsaneink · 09-30-2007, 06:12 PM

My sons mum dies when he was 4....7 years ago
I told him shes now in heaven, he ''talks'' to her when he thinks of her.
Its an individual thing....but kidsare very resilient, a death will be gotten over within minutes in some cases, (at the time I had to remember he was only 4 when it seemed he didnt care) but will continually pop up at the oddest moment.

monster · 09-30-2007, 10:35 PM

That's rough.

Welcome, btw.

innsaneink · 10-01-2007, 12:31 AM

Thnx monster.

DanaC · 10-05-2007, 03:07 AM

Hi Innsaneink. Welcome to the Cellar.

glatt · 12-07-2007, 09:57 AM

I thought I'd come back to this thread and follow up with what happened. My uncle died on Sunday, and we drove up to the Scranton area on Wednesday (through a yucky snowstorm.) The kids behaved really well, and seemed to be just fine with everything. He is being cremated, so I thought there would be just an urn in the funeral home. Instead, it was an open coffin, and we only got about ten minutes of advanced notice to let the kids know what to expect. Our little boy was fairly giddy/rambunctious at the funeral home for a moment or two. I think it was a combination of having been stuck in a car for the previous 7 hours, and being overwhelmed by seeing all his relative AND his first dead body. Plus it was past his bedtime. But it was OK. There was lots of talking/greeting going on, and I don't think anyone noticed except us.

The next day, at the funeral home, the church service, and the church basement lunch afterwards, both kids were angels. I was really proud of them.

It was a sad time, but really good to come together with the family, and I'm glad we all went. It was also appreciated by others that we were all there. Over all, a very positive experience.

So once again, I'm impressed at how resilient kids are and how they just get things. They weren't freaked out about the death at all.

classicman · 12-07-2007, 10:02 AM

sorry for your loss. thoughts and prayers are with you & you family.

Kids are truly amazing.

jinx · 12-07-2007, 10:14 AM

Sorry about your uncle glatt, and I'm glad it wasn't too hard on the kids.

Sundae · 12-07-2007, 03:51 PM

Sorry your Uncle died Glatt, although at least you knew it was coming.
I missed the thread first time round (although I probably avoided it due to the title, not having lids myself).

I would have suggested you did exactly what you did anyway. I am puzzled by people that keep children away from funerals - they have to know about death at some point. I think the ceremony is comforting. Although I am in a country where open coffins are not the norm and I went to Mass every week so ceremony was familiar to me.

glatt · 12-07-2007, 04:28 PM

Thanks all.

Aliantha · 12-07-2007, 04:45 PM

Kids are amazing creatures glatt. You should be proud of the job you've done with them. Sounds like they were little troopers.

I'm sorry for your loss also mate.

Clodfobble · 12-08-2007, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by glatt

the church basement lunch afterwards

This was a new experience for me when my husband's grandmother died, but apparently it's a really common thing? At least up north and/or in small towns. I don't know if it was the emotion or having to sit through a long ceremony beforehand or just the power of old ladies' home cooking, but it was seriously one of the best meals I've ever had.

glatt · 12-08-2007, 08:30 PM

I was almost dreading it, because of my childhood memories of going to those kinds of things in the 70's, but the food at this thing was really good. None of those 70's dishes I expected like baked spam or some kind of marshmallow salad. Just good food.

Nothing like a party after a funeral to break the tension and get everyone smiling again.

Griff · 12-08-2007, 08:51 PM

You're doing a great job with the kids man. Time for a pat on the back.

glatt · 12-08-2007, 09:12 PM

Wow. Thanks, Griff.

09-13-2007, 08:43 PM	#16
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Yes, warn them. No, don't take them to the funeral. I agree with the others about how to explain death, that's how we did it. Cremation is much more common in the UK and that's what happened to their granddad, so we explained that when asked about what happens to the body. We said he didn't need it anymore and how cremation can be a form of recycling..... they got a pretty good grip on it. they were about the same age as yours (plus one younger) __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

09-30-2007, 10:35 PM	#18
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	That's rough. Welcome, btw. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

12-07-2007, 10:14 AM	#23
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	Sorry about your uncle glatt, and I'm glad it wasn't too hard on the kids. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

12-07-2007, 03:51 PM	#24
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Sorry your Uncle died Glatt, although at least you knew it was coming. I missed the thread first time round (although I probably avoided it due to the title, not having lids myself). I would have suggested you did exactly what you did anyway. I am puzzled by people that keep children away from funerals - they have to know about death at some point. I think the ceremony is comforting. Although I am in a country where open coffins are not the norm and I went to Mass every week so ceremony was familiar to me. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

12-07-2007, 04:45 PM	#26
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Kids are amazing creatures glatt. You should be proud of the job you've done with them. Sounds like they were little troopers. I'm sorry for your loss also mate. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

09-30-2007, 06:12 PM	#17
innsaneink Aggregate Aggravator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 17	My sons mum dies when he was 4....7 years ago I told him shes now in heaven, he ''talks'' to her when he thinks of her. Its an individual thing....but kidsare very resilient, a death will be gotten over within minutes in some cases, (at the time I had to remember he was only 4 when it seemed he didnt care) but will continually pop up at the oddest moment.

10-01-2007, 12:31 AM	#19
innsaneink Aggregate Aggravator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 17	Thnx monster.

10-05-2007, 03:07 AM	#20
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Hi Innsaneink. Welcome to the Cellar.

12-07-2007, 09:57 AM	#21
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I thought I'd come back to this thread and follow up with what happened. My uncle died on Sunday, and we drove up to the Scranton area on Wednesday (through a yucky snowstorm.) The kids behaved really well, and seemed to be just fine with everything. He is being cremated, so I thought there would be just an urn in the funeral home. Instead, it was an open coffin, and we only got about ten minutes of advanced notice to let the kids know what to expect. Our little boy was fairly giddy/rambunctious at the funeral home for a moment or two. I think it was a combination of having been stuck in a car for the previous 7 hours, and being overwhelmed by seeing all his relative AND his first dead body. Plus it was past his bedtime. But it was OK. There was lots of talking/greeting going on, and I don't think anyone noticed except us. The next day, at the funeral home, the church service, and the church basement lunch afterwards, both kids were angels. I was really proud of them. It was a sad time, but really good to come together with the family, and I'm glad we all went. It was also appreciated by others that we were all there. Over all, a very positive experience. So once again, I'm impressed at how resilient kids are and how they just get things. They weren't freaked out about the death at all.

12-07-2007, 10:02 AM	#22
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	sorry for your loss. thoughts and prayers are with you & you family. Kids are truly amazing.

12-07-2007, 04:28 PM	#25
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Thanks all.

12-08-2007, 08:30 PM	#28
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	I was almost dreading it, because of my childhood memories of going to those kinds of things in the 70's, but the food at this thing was really good. None of those 70's dishes I expected like baked spam or some kind of marshmallow salad. Just good food. Nothing like a party after a funeral to break the tension and get everyone smiling again.

12-08-2007, 08:51 PM	#29
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	You're doing a great job with the kids man. Time for a pat on the back. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

12-08-2007, 09:12 PM	#30
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Wow. Thanks, Griff.

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