Santa Claus: An Engineers Perspective

piercehawkeye45 · 12-04-2007, 06:15 PM

Santa Claus: An Engineers Perspective

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accellerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Cicero · 12-04-2007, 06:18 PM

Thank you Nietzsche, I thought you were dead!!

lookout123 · 12-04-2007, 06:58 PM

you can't hear the bell ring, can you?

piercehawkeye45 · 12-04-2007, 07:03 PM

If this was already posted.......years ago, I'm sorry. I just thought it was funny, pssh.

Shawnee123 · 12-04-2007, 07:09 PM

every time a bell rings, piercehawkeye gets his wings.

lookout123 · 12-04-2007, 07:12 PM

yeah, but everytime he masturbates god kills a kitten.

think of the kittehs.

Shawnee123 · 12-04-2007, 07:14 PM

What happens when everyone else masturbates? Can't someone get some damn wings? Wings! Get them!

LJ · 12-04-2007, 07:27 PM

every time a winged kitten masturbates, God Kills Piercehawkeye

piercehawkeye45 · 12-05-2007, 12:25 AM

Goddammit, I'm dead.

shoot · 12-06-2007, 03:03 AM

Santa is truly an amazing man. Knowing that he performs all of these astounding miracles every Christmas eve only makes my belief stronger than ever.

Perry Winkle · 12-06-2007, 04:00 AM

What engineers forget is that Santa Claus is an idea and, therefore, not limited by physical constraints.

Sundae · 12-06-2007, 04:36 AM

I haven't seen Santa in years.
I think I must have been a naughty, naughty girl since I last sat on his knee.

Razzmatazz13 · 12-06-2007, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perry Winkle

What engineers forget is that Santa Claus is MAGICAL and, therefore, not limited by physical constraints.

fixed it for you

jester · 12-06-2007, 11:06 AM

Name: Bldgs.jpg
Views: 186
Size: 41.7 KB

fargon · 12-06-2007, 01:16 PM

But Santa uses the magic dust.

12-04-2007, 06:15 PM	#1
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Santa Claus: An Engineers Perspective Santa Claus: An Engineers Perspective I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accellerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

12-04-2007, 06:18 PM	#2
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Thank you Nietzsche, I thought you were dead!! __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

12-04-2007, 06:58 PM	#3
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	you can't hear the bell ring, can you? __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

12-04-2007, 07:12 PM	#6
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	yeah, but everytime he masturbates god kills a kitten. think of the kittehs. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

12-04-2007, 07:27 PM	#8
LJ i am myself Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: via blackberry, maybe Posts: 750	every time a winged kitten masturbates, God Kills Piercehawkeye __________________ Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show ... -C.Dickens

12-04-2007, 07:03 PM	#4
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	If this was already posted.......years ago, I'm sorry. I just thought it was funny, pssh.

12-04-2007, 07:09 PM	#5
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	every time a bell rings, piercehawkeye gets his wings.

12-04-2007, 07:14 PM	#7
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	What happens when everyone else masturbates? Can't someone get some damn wings? Wings! Get them!

12-05-2007, 12:25 AM	#9
piercehawkeye45 Franklin Pierce Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,695	Goddammit, I'm dead.

12-06-2007, 03:03 AM	#10
shoot Smooth Ruffian Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: central KY Posts: 47	Santa is truly an amazing man. Knowing that he performs all of these astounding miracles every Christmas eve only makes my belief stronger than ever.

12-06-2007, 04:00 AM	#11
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	What engineers forget is that Santa Claus is an idea and, therefore, not limited by physical constraints.

12-06-2007, 04:36 AM	#12
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I haven't seen Santa in years. I think I must have been a naughty, naughty girl since I last sat on his knee. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

12-06-2007, 11:06 AM	#14
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712

12-06-2007, 01:16 PM	#15
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	But Santa uses the magic dust. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

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