Humor...I Need Humor...

[TheMercenary]

"Killing the Eel"

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys
his age rather curious.

He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from
the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how
it was done. One day he took his question to his mother,
who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things
to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one
night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.

This he did.

The following morning, Johnny described everything to
his mother.

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then
he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing
and hugging her."

"I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face
started looking funny. He must have thought so too,
because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her
heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as
smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble
finding her heart."

"I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon
both of them started panting and getting all out of breath."

"His other hand must of been cold because he put it
under her skirt."

"About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and
sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end
of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it
was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot."

"Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-- a big
eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped
out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long,
honest anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from
getting away."

"When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got
big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling
out to G~d and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest
one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones
down at the lake."

"Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting
its head off."

"All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and
held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket
and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from
biting again."

"Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get
a scissors -- lock on it and he helped by lying on
top of the eel."

"The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning
and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the
couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing
it between them."

"After a while they both quit moving and gave a great
sigh."

"Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the
eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some
of its insides were hanging out."

"Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle,
but they went back to courting anyway. He started
hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't
dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again."

"I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or
something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill
it by sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally
killed the eel."

"I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend
peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet."

His mother fainted