Tales from the Nuthouse: Lest You Think I have a Really Suck Job - Page 7

wolf · 01-08-2008, 01:15 AM

So, this man walks into a bank.

A lot of the banks hereabouts have started posting "No Concealed Weapons" signs on their front doors. Well, especially the Wachovia, which has a little picture of a pistol with one of those international "no" symbols across it, so I only take the AK when I do any banking there ...

So, where was I? Oh yeah.

A man walks into a bank.

And feels that he has to prove that he is not carrying any concealed weapons.

So he strips.

Naked.

Not even a wristwatch.

Bare-ass.

Which is exactly how the police brought him to me.

Apparently he wanted to prove he wasn't armed to them too. With any luck his short arm fires blanks. We don't need any more of these.

A couple of hours later the cops brought in a man with no feet.

No, that's it. There is no punch line.

He must have decided he didn't like the wheelchair he'd stolen from a Philly hospital (this wasn't the first time for him). He was dragging himself across the street.

Shawnee123 · 01-08-2008, 09:18 AM

Just wow, wolf! The things you see and deal with, don't think I could do it!

SteveDallas · 01-08-2008, 09:20 AM

I expect one day, you're going to have to write a book.

Shawnee123 · 01-08-2008, 09:22 AM

Shhhh, I've already stolen all her stories. Gonna write that book, get famous on Oprah, then O is gonna chastise me when she finds out none of these things happened to me!

ZenGum · 01-08-2008, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

Shhhh, I've already stolen all her stories. Gonna write that book, get famous on Oprah, then O is gonna chastise me when she finds out none of these things happened to me!

I don't think that's a wise idea ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

I have the equivalent power of a Common Pleas Court Judge of the Commonwealth with resepct to issuing a civil body warrant to have someone brought before a psychiatrist against their will for evaluation for inpatient treatment. The doctor decides if the person stays in the hospital or goes home.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

I do have an "in" with the doctors. I could make it stick.

...and thats before we even get to her personal armory, and any mystical powers she may have to boot.

Shawnee123 · 01-08-2008, 11:29 AM

Well, when you put it that way!

BigV · 01-08-2008, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

I have the equivalent power of a Common Pleas Court Judge of the Commonwealth with resepct to issuing a civil body warrant to have someone brought before a psychiatrist against their will for evaluation for inpatient treatment. The doctor decides if the person stays in the hospital or goes home.

What a great responsibility. I pray for wisdom for you.

Cicero · 01-08-2008, 05:04 PM

I missed this thread.

wolf · 01-08-2008, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteveDallas

I expect one day, you're going to have to write a book.

I'm working on it. My boss who went crazy was going to do that, but well, he went crazy and stopped showing up to work, so somebody has to take up that particular mantle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

What a great responsibility. I pray for wisdom for you.

Thank you. Just so you know, I do the same.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cicero

I missed this thread.

There's a companion piece.

Spexxvet · 01-10-2008, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

.... My boss who went crazy was going to do that, but well, he went crazy and stopped showing up to work...

Uh-oh.... it's contagious?

limey · 01-10-2008, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

I'm working on it. My boss who went crazy was going to do that, but well, he went crazy and stopped showing up to work, so somebody has to take up that particular mantle.

...There's a companion piece.

Which mantle

?

wolf · 05-15-2008, 07:14 PM

I mean, I should know, right? I am a professional ... Incidentally, this is the replacement boss for the boss who went crazy and just stopped showing up to work.

He comes in yesterday and starts telling us all about this dream he had the night before.

You know that commercial for the flea and tick medicine, with the really cute yellow puppy at Summer Camp? And he goes around singing "There ain't no bugs on me, there ain't no bugs on me, there may be bugs on some of you mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me." That one.

So anyway, he has this dream were all the patients in the Center Hall organize a revolt. This is very far from the truth. The nuts on Center Hall couldn't organize their way down to the Cafeteria, much less manage a revolt.

So, anyway, havoc is breaking loose, and they all break out in song ...

There ain't no meds in me
There ain't no meds in me
There may be meds in some of you SPEDs,
But there ain't no meds in me.

That's how my week is going.

Seriously.

SteveDallas · 05-15-2008, 09:28 PM

I give it an 8. It's got a good beat, you can dance to it.

Trilby · 05-15-2008, 09:37 PM

Maybe crazy is contagious to some. All those bad vibes hanging in the air.

05-16-2008, 02:45 AM

Perhaps this boss has something up his sleeve that his predecessor didn't. Scrutinize your benefits Long Term Disability policy for a "psych" clause that would allow him to just stop showing up for work while still collecting 60% of his wages for mental disability. He knows you'd be a credible witness.

01-08-2008, 01:15 AM	#91
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	So, this man walks into a bank. A lot of the banks hereabouts have started posting "No Concealed Weapons" signs on their front doors. Well, especially the Wachovia, which has a little picture of a pistol with one of those international "no" symbols across it, so I only take the AK when I do any banking there ... So, where was I? Oh yeah. A man walks into a bank. And feels that he has to prove that he is not carrying any concealed weapons. So he strips. Naked. Not even a wristwatch. Bare-ass. Which is exactly how the police brought him to me. Apparently he wanted to prove he wasn't armed to them too. With any luck his short arm fires blanks. We don't need any more of these. A couple of hours later the cops brought in a man with no feet. No, that's it. There is no punch line. He must have decided he didn't like the wheelchair he'd stolen from a Philly hospital (this wasn't the first time for him). He was dragging himself across the street. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-08-2008, 05:04 PM	#98
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	I missed this thread. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

05-15-2008, 07:14 PM	#102
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I think my boss may be losing it. I mean, I should know, right? I am a professional ... Incidentally, this is the replacement boss for the boss who went crazy and just stopped showing up to work. He comes in yesterday and starts telling us all about this dream he had the night before. You know that commercial for the flea and tick medicine, with the really cute yellow puppy at Summer Camp? And he goes around singing "There ain't no bugs on me, there ain't no bugs on me, there may be bugs on some of you mugs, but there ain't no bugs on me." That one. So anyway, he has this dream were all the patients in the Center Hall organize a revolt. This is very far from the truth. The nuts on Center Hall couldn't organize their way down to the Cafeteria, much less manage a revolt. So, anyway, havoc is breaking loose, and they all break out in song ... There ain't no meds in me There ain't no meds in me There may be meds in some of you SPEDs, But there ain't no meds in me. That's how my week is going. Seriously. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

05-15-2008, 09:37 PM	#104
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Maybe crazy is contagious to some. All those bad vibes hanging in the air. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

01-08-2008, 09:18 AM	#92
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Just wow, wolf! The things you see and deal with, don't think I could do it!

01-08-2008, 09:20 AM	#93
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I expect one day, you're going to have to write a book.

01-08-2008, 09:22 AM	#94
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Shhhh, I've already stolen all her stories. Gonna write that book, get famous on Oprah, then O is gonna chastise me when she finds out none of these things happened to me!

01-08-2008, 11:29 AM	#96
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Well, when you put it that way!

05-15-2008, 09:28 PM	#103
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I give it an 8. It's got a good beat, you can dance to it.

05-16-2008, 02:45 AM	#105
NoBoxes Guest Posts: n/a	Perhaps this boss has something up his sleeve that his predecessor didn't. Scrutinize your benefits Long Term Disability policy for a "psych" clause that would allow him to just stop showing up for work while still collecting 60% of his wages for mental disability. He knows you'd be a credible witness.

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