Pick Up Artist

[Sundae]

I agree with all the people who have posted re being yourself and being confident. Being "a nice guy" is very rarely the same as being yourself. If you are being yourself - a nice guy - and still saying, "nice guys finish last" then you are calling yourself a loser. BAD place to start, mm-kay?

A little historical information, from back in the 1700s when I was approx your age:
I worked in a town centre pub and I used to see all the pick up artists, week in week out. Quite often they would leave with a woman they'd met that night. Or with a phone number. At the very least they would easily chat up two or three different women, getting positive attention from them, smiles, hair flicking, flirting.

But after a while of being quite in awe of them and thinking they must be quite a catch for being so popular (shhh, I was 19 when I started there) I realised how shallow they were. All their lines were chat up lines. They were practised in the art of flirty small talk. They didn't really know how to take things to the next level because they lacked sincerity. They were all about the chase, so they chased every weekend.

I ended up with massive crushes on a couple of different guys over the years I worked there. Men who were worlds apart from The Players, or whatever you want to call them. One I eventually dated just before I met my husband to be - made the wrong choice there sadly - and I still think of him fondly. They engaged me in conversation. When the pub was quiet we talked about things that mutually interested us. I would finish my shift and sit and talk to them (different men at different times I mean) and they would make me laugh. I fancied them rotten because they would say something - some throw away line - that I would turn over in my head for the next couple of days. Something funny or pithy or simply something that made me see things in a different light.

And the thing is, apart from the one guy who I dated (and even that took a while) the others were simply enjoying my company for what it was. They weren't there to try and pull, or to get me into bed. They were confident, intelligent, funny men who liked conversation. They were more relaxed, better fun to be with and enjoyed themselves far more than those chasing the next young thing. They put me off the Flash Harry type for life.

IF you want to be the shallow type for a while, go for it. Not reverse psychology - you're the right age to screw around (safely please!) have fun, get some notches on your bedpost. I did. But do believe us old 'uns and recognise that it's just scratching an itch. Long term, that behaviour carries the seeds of its own downfall.

Good luck chick - let us know how you get on - I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

[Cicero]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Being "a nice guy" is very rarely the same as being yourself.

Here! Here! And Amen. Very good point I think.

In fresh's case however:
I would propose that fresh actually not be himself. I remember the last fiasco where he started calling his ex a slut because he had a mutual break up and she got over it. I propose that fresh deal with his female issues before he continues to treat women even more like trash with one nighters (all 2 seconds of it):p
(Just a joke fresh).

I think this thread is a sign that he's still not over it and his problems have grown.

I know people told him to not take relationships too seriously at his age, but I don't think this is what anyone had in mind......

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

I could do with some vicarious rumpy pumpy!

Vicarious? What about the real thing?