religion and relationships

[Riddil]

That's good... I hope it *can* work out, it seems you're both committed to it.

In the end I really don't think religion is a make-or-break issue. It can be worked through. However, I do think that the religion issue can mask a bigger problem.

I think everyone has an innate "open-mindedness" scale. Someone who is 100% open minded will independently challenge their own long-held beliefs whenever there is new information. 100% close-minded person will never accept any other belief, no matter how much information is ever presented.

It's THAT difference that I think can give a couple big problems. One of the basic things about making a relationship work is that both are willing to understand and change. That's a lot easier if both people are open-minded. It can still work if both people are closed-minded, as long as before they get together they have a pre-determined set of values that they agree on. (Which is why close-minded religious types work well together. They're both firmly rooted in the same system).

Anyhow, my point to all this is that it sounds like you're pretty extreme on that "open-minded" scale. And from experience I've found that most devoutly religious people are close-minded. And THERE is where you can have big trouble, not only with religion.

What it'll eventually feel like for you is that you're constantly trying to understand and adapt to her needs and wants, and she's constantly demanding that you bend to her will. It'll eventually create a lot of strife.

The reality is that she can really care about you, it's just she "needs more time" to adapt and adjust. But it won't matter, you'll still feel like either she's too demanding, or that she's too rigid.

Anyhow, I'm hoping that's not true at all. Just because some religious folks are close-minded, it doesn't mean that your girl is. If she's religious AND she's open-minded then you've got nothing to worry about. You guys will eventually work through the whole religion thing.

Note: I don't think there's nothing wrong with being close-minded. It's like saying being always serious versus always comical is a "problem". It's not a defect. It's just a way people are different.