Humor...I Need Humor...

[jester]

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
>
> They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
> one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
> the two to life.
>
> The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
> blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
> minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
>
> He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
>
> The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After
> fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
>
> The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to
> do it again?'
>
> He asks her 'Shall we?'
>
> She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time,
> I'll hold the Pigeon down and you shit on its head.'

[Nirvana]

> POTENTIALLY AND REALISTICALLY
>
>A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the
>difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
>
>The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if
>she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your
>sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and
>then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
>dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
>
>So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
>Pitt for a million dollars?'
>
>The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money
>to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
>
>The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
>Pitt for a million dollars?'
>
>The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him
>in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
>
>The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad
>Pitt for a million dollars?'
>
>'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks
would
>buy?'
>
>The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his
dad.
>His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between
>'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
>
>The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
>million dollars..
>
>But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a homo."