Holy Smoke Wife Perma-banned her mom today! - Page 2

sweetwater · 12-01-2008, 11:54 AM

Bans are sometimes justified, but it's still a sad thing IMHO. Maybe the decision should come under review once a year - but it's your choice. Whatcha gonna do with her Christmas present now?

cake · 12-01-2008, 12:17 PM

So, I have been wondering about this. Has anyone ever been asked by their parent "Do you need me anymore?"
I just got asked that question, with the follow-on trip "If you don't need me, I have no reason to exist."

(Yes, this account is a sock puppet. If you would be so kind, please do not speculate in-thread as to whose it is.)

lookout123 · 12-01-2008, 05:02 PM

defuse it probably.

footfootfoot · 12-01-2008, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lookout123

defuse it probably.

bwahahahaha!

elSicomoro · 12-01-2008, 08:00 PM

My mom did something similar with her birth mother 14 years ago...her and my stepdad gave her the heave-ho. She had to stay with one of my mom's sisters for the rest of her trip. There was a lot of animosity and disrespect there and it finally blew up one night a few days before Xmas 1994.

I'm sorry for you and the missus, Foot. It's a shame that it had to come to that, but maybe it will be the beginning of better times.

DanaC · 12-02-2008, 05:18 AM

Best thing my friend J ever did was remove his mother from his life entirely.

Sundae · 12-02-2008, 08:58 AM

I know my Sis would have perma-banned me from her life if my parents hadn't been around. One of the many reasons she thinks I am the black sheep of the family is simply because I moved out of Aylesbury - and yet my parents get to see their Grandchildren approx once a month and my bro sees them (like I did) about twice a year!

The first thing Sis said when Mum told her I'd lost my job was, "Well there's no reason for her to stay in London now is there?" This worked in my favour TBH because I hadn't broached the subject of moving back (it was the same day) but it encapsulates my sister's attitude.

For over three years I worked behind the bar of a pub which was owned/ managed by a Spaniard. He was really into Family Values (capitalised as per the Daily Mail). He was adament that no-one knew what was better for you than your daddy. Even me, worshipping my father, knew that he was (is) a man and a flawed one at that. I challenged him once re a chap called Chesh - I knew one of his daughters. In fact I probably knew him better than she did and vice versa. Benito finally admitted he was wrong - but saw that as an abberation.

Anyway, in a roundabout way I'm saying people are people. Squirting out a bit of sperm or squeezing out a baby are not indicators of good parenting. It's incredibly hard for a child to make a break from a parent and I doubt it's ever done lightly. If your wife thinks this is necessary then I am very sorry she has been put in this situation, but I hope you are very supportive (everything I've read over the last 3 years suggests you are). All my very best thoughts to her - this is in some ways worse than death.

Cicero · 12-02-2008, 09:53 AM

Well, I've done this with my mom several times. She can be quite outrageous. We go through phases that there is a ban.

Nothing wrong with it. Now we know how to deal with each other. It took a lot of practice to get this boundary threshhold down.

We can deal with each other at arms length, and there are no expectations otherwise anymore. It took a lot of hits getting to this place, but it's been working for a couple of years now.

Since the recent dissolve of my marriage I was thinking of going back home. But I can't. It wouldn't work. I have to remember how things work, and at a distance is better for everyone involved.

I love my mom...I just can't be around all the time. Things get too crazy and it gets harmful, so there is no reason for me to forget it.

I've always said, there isn't anything my mom can't make worse. And it can be true at times. So I try and not let that happen.

Ruminator · 12-02-2008, 10:50 PM

Self-preservation and that of one's immediate family always need to come first.

But its hard not get caught up into an "enabling" role.

12-01-2008, 11:54 AM	#16
sweetwater lives inside a Mobius strip Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1,120	Bans are sometimes justified, but it's still a sad thing IMHO. Maybe the decision should come under review once a year - but it's your choice. Whatcha gonna do with her Christmas present now? __________________ I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque! - Bugs Bunny

12-01-2008, 05:02 PM	#18
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	defuse it probably. __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

12-02-2008, 09:53 AM	#23
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Well, I've done this with my mom several times. She can be quite outrageous. We go through phases that there is a ban. Nothing wrong with it. Now we know how to deal with each other. It took a lot of practice to get this boundary threshhold down. We can deal with each other at arms length, and there are no expectations otherwise anymore. It took a lot of hits getting to this place, but it's been working for a couple of years now. Since the recent dissolve of my marriage I was thinking of going back home. But I can't. It wouldn't work. I have to remember how things work, and at a distance is better for everyone involved. I love my mom...I just can't be around all the time. Things get too crazy and it gets harmful, so there is no reason for me to forget it. I've always said, there isn't anything my mom can't make worse. And it can be true at times. So I try and not let that happen. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

12-02-2008, 10:50 PM	#24
Ruminator Ohio fisherman Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 117	Self-preservation and that of one's immediate family always need to come first. But its hard not get caught up into an "enabling" role. __________________ ~ Perception is vital, reality is irrelevant... or is it? ~ "People never give each other enough credit for their contributions." ... a truer statement was never made. - contributed by TheMercenary

12-01-2008, 12:17 PM	#17
cake Rapscallion Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 5	So, I have been wondering about this. Has anyone ever been asked by their parent "Do you need me anymore?" I just got asked that question, with the follow-on trip "If you don't need me, I have no reason to exist." (Yes, this account is a sock puppet. If you would be so kind, please do not speculate in-thread as to whose it is.)

12-01-2008, 08:00 PM	#20
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	My mom did something similar with her birth mother 14 years ago...her and my stepdad gave her the heave-ho. She had to stay with one of my mom's sisters for the rest of her trip. There was a lot of animosity and disrespect there and it finally blew up one night a few days before Xmas 1994. I'm sorry for you and the missus, Foot. It's a shame that it had to come to that, but maybe it will be the beginning of better times.

12-02-2008, 05:18 AM	#21
DanaC We have to go back, Kate! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Yorkshire Posts: 25,964	Best thing my friend J ever did was remove his mother from his life entirely.

12-02-2008, 08:58 AM	#22
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	I know my Sis would have perma-banned me from her life if my parents hadn't been around. One of the many reasons she thinks I am the black sheep of the family is simply because I moved out of Aylesbury - and yet my parents get to see their Grandchildren approx once a month and my bro sees them (like I did) about twice a year! The first thing Sis said when Mum told her I'd lost my job was, "Well there's no reason for her to stay in London now is there?" This worked in my favour TBH because I hadn't broached the subject of moving back (it was the same day) but it encapsulates my sister's attitude. For over three years I worked behind the bar of a pub which was owned/ managed by a Spaniard. He was really into Family Values (capitalised as per the Daily Mail). He was adament that no-one knew what was better for you than your daddy. Even me, worshipping my father, knew that he was (is) a man and a flawed one at that. I challenged him once re a chap called Chesh - I knew one of his daughters. In fact I probably knew him better than she did and vice versa. Benito finally admitted he was wrong - but saw that as an abberation. Anyway, in a roundabout way I'm saying people are people. Squirting out a bit of sperm or squeezing out a baby are not indicators of good parenting. It's incredibly hard for a child to make a break from a parent and I doubt it's ever done lightly. If your wife thinks this is necessary then I am very sorry she has been put in this situation, but I hope you are very supportive (everything I've read over the last 3 years suggests you are). All my very best thoughts to her - this is in some ways worse than death.

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