Who does homosexuality hurt?

[morethanpretty]

Originally Posted by classicman

So basically what you are saying is that you want your parents to support your homosexuality? Is that it? This has virtually nothing to do with college or financial support at all?

Perhaps I'm the only one who missed that :shrug: wouldn't be the first time.

I'm not homosexual, never said I was. I don't need to tell my parents' my sexual orientation because I haven't had a significant female partner, I don't plan on telling them unless I do. My parents already support me less for lifestyle choices that they disagree with based on their religious beliefs. I am saying that parents should not pull support from their children because of the child's choice in lifestyle (I.E. homosexuality or different religion.) They can not agree with it, but they should show their child ALL of their love and try to understand. Most parents though are often strong-headed, close minded and believe that they always know best. That is not true, parents do not always know best. Since they choose not to even try to understand the child's particular peculiarities, they instead pull support, or give less.

Originally Posted by classicman

Yup, in fact I just read every one from this thread. Sounds like she is jealous of her older brother or pissed that he got to move back in and now she doesn't. Did her parents know beforehand that she wanted to? I mean before her brother? It seems that moving back in with them is an issue. That, to me would fall under financial support.

I don't think you did or you would know that: yes I did ask, and get approval in MARCH with my parents to move back. My brother asked in OCTOBER.
I specifically said it in post 107: "My parents have now let him move back twice w/o any conditions. I was supposed to move back (finalized it in mar with them), and instead they let him come back(in Oct he decided to get a car instead a of a house loan), therefore I can't."

This was not defined though. Leaves the reader to assume.

What wasn't defined? Types of support? Because, yes, I have had explained it several times, and give several examples. I have also stated a few examples of both my sister and brother getting benefits I didn't. Here is another one if you want: My parent's have always fully supported my sister in her college endeavors(not financially, they don't have the money to do that, but they fully encourage her), when they tell me its a waste for me to go. My sister only graduated High School 6seats higher than I did, so its not that I show a lack of academic acuity. Sister didn't decide what she was goin to college for until 2nd semester senior year. I knew what I wanted to go for up until 2nd semester senior year, their lack of encouragement probably contributed to my change of mind. Turns out, no matter what else I choode, they only have negative things to say about that as well.

Again stressing financial support, yet repeatedly stating that is not what she is referring to.

Like I said Money doesn't equal love. I'm saying that when I NEED financial support, I don't get it, whereas my siblings do. I have done nothing worse than my older brother (I will say I don't mind my sister getting more, she is a saint) and yet he gets more. I have stated non-financial reasons, like them not letting me move back home. Yes its to save me money, but it wouldn't cost them (I have already said I'm paying rent). Them not supporting my want to go to college is another non-financial example I've cited. The financial reasons are just the more tangible and therefore easier to explain. Most of my issues with my parents is lack of financial because they don't believe I deserve it, which to me shows a lack of emotional support.

This is what they are not doing? Well that begs a number of questions - Does she see them on Christmas and/or her birthday? Is this common practice in their family? Do they have the money? Do they consider cards and such a waste? I don't know these people at all or what their lives are like. I'm only basing my opinions on one side and although I feel bad for her that she is not happy, there is just too much information missing for me to draw any useful conclusions at all.

MTP, I am very sorry for your situation. I wish it were different and you could all get what you want/need from each other.

No, that I never said they were/weren't doing any of those things. Those were just examples. You read into the wrong things classic.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by jinx

The situation as I understand Merc and Classic to be describing it is; someone who you depend on for emotional or financial support doesn't approve of your lifestyle or something you do.

And my question was how would you personally handle the situation. You seemed to have a problem with MTP's course of "dishonesty". So would you be honest and possibly lose financial support, would you try to hide your activities, or would you be a good but miserable dog? You. Personally.

Sorry Jinx - I think it completely depends upon the situation, the people involved and the circumstances. More often than not as an adult, I would invariably choose the honest approach.

How about you?

[jinx]

I think you should practice before you preach. Especially about honesty.

[morethanpretty]

AMEN!!!

[classicman]

ok - sorry MTP, I guess I just don't get it. I'm sorry that your parents are being assholes. Parents tend to do that from time to time. Its just in my experience, they are typically trying to do it for a reason or reasons unknown or not understood by the child. I guess yours are just treating you differently for some unknown reason.

FWIW, My oldest brother is the golden child - he can do no wrong. I know that he is my fathers favorite and he treats him differently than he treats the rest of us, especially me. That has no bearing on the fact that my father still loves me. I was the youngest and mostly all the money for college was gone when it was my turn. I had to pay for it myself.

Sorry about your situation. Hope things improve for all of you.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by jinx

I think you should practice before you preach. Especially about honesty.

Shouldn't we all.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Which is what I was arguing mainly with you. That should person's family pull their support emotional, financial, educational, etc. , especially your parents because they have responsibility to you, .

Total and utter bull shit.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by Bullitt

Agreed, parents do that have that initial responsibility.

Key here. Pay attention.

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by morethanpretty

Like I said Money doesn't equal love.

Absolutely. Which is why if you don't get any from your parents does not mean they love you less, regardless of you choices in life, gay, straight, or whatever....

[TheMercenary]

Originally Posted by jinx

I think you should practice before you preach. Especially about honesty.

I don't understand this statement.

[DanaC]

Why are you talking about money again Merc? She didn't say the problem was her parents not giving her money. Finance is just one of the many areas in which a parent can assist their child.

[Sundae]

I've seen the golden child phenomenon in at least two other families.
The one I know the best is where the eldest was a daughter, carried to term after a number of previous miscarriages. After only another year and no miscarriages - another girl. Then eight more years of trying, failed IVF then succesful IVF and many complications and the last couple of weeks in hospital, twin boys born prematurely.

The older girl got everything she wanted.
Luckily for her parents she was a hard worker, not academic but beautiful, which is often easier for a girl.
She was her Daddy's angel, and although very good natured she did know how to manipulate him.
She got a job working for her father and although he cut her no slack (he was very professional) she got a company car, a salary nearly 50% above the going rate for that position and when she moved out of home the company (builders and fitters) did all the work on her house and only charged for materials, allowing her to buy a bad quality house with a significantly low mortgage.

The twin sons decided to go to University. Their fees were fully covered by their parents so they would not come out of Uni in debt. Their parents bought houses in each of the separate University towns because they viewed it as an investment (it was - the father knew the building trade well). They saw it as an issue of trust that the boys would manage the house and charge rent in order to cover household bills and living expenses. Of course they were still paid an allowance because it helped keep them focussed on their study. They were their Mother's Miracle Babies and she was so proud of them.

And the second daughter? My friend. She lived at home and went to the local Uni because her parents were worried she would run up debts if she moved away. Her Dad went with her to buy her first car (second hand from a private seller) but did no more to advise her - she bought it with savings she'd accrued working after school and through college.

She continued to work in a large supermarket to pay for her own socialising - okay her parents didn't charge her rent or a share of the bills, but neither did they ask her older sister for a contribution and she was working full time.

She had always shown herself to be financially reponsible, sensible, acedemic and hard working. I honestly believe that she slipped under their radar. They hadn't had to think about Uni with the eldest daughter - she barely made it out of High School. SO I know they were learning on the job as it were. They had 8 years of friends' experiences with their children and debts and dropping out to draw on by the time the boys went.

But deliberate or not, it seems sad that someone I knew as forceful, intelligent and an all round sparkling person because someone less when she walked in to the family home. I know - I lived there for a while. I saw the walls filled with photos of the beautiful one, with sports trophies of the boys. She had no resentment of the way her siblings were treated, but sometimes - just somethimes - when we were drunk and maudlin, she would wonder why they never did any of that for her, or asked her what she wanted, or said how proud they were at what she had achieved.

Anyway, they you go.
No-one can force a parent to treat children equally, to love them the same or even give them the same support and attention. But to me that's part of what trying to be a good parent is. I've been such a trial to mine and they still take me back in. Mum's admitted I've been the hardest to love just because I'm so much trouble, but I know she does, really.

[Aliantha]

Originally Posted by DanaC

Why are you talking about money again Merc? She didn't say the problem was her parents not giving her money. Finance is just one of the many areas in which a parent can assist their child.

From what I could see of Mercs last few posts, he agreed with MTP about money.

[classicman]

Originally Posted by classicman

Sorry Jinx - snip - How about you?

Hey Jinx, did you miss the question or...?

[jinx]

No, I think I answered it.
You see, I was having a hard time reconciling you lying to your boss an/or girlfriend about something as silly as posting on the cellar, hiding it from them by changing your name and having posts removed - and then preaching to MTP about being an adult, being honest, not hiding things etc...
In the grand scheme of things I couldn't give a flying fuck really, I was just momentarily shocked by what I perceive as a lack of integrity. Thus the practice before you preach comment...
Unless you meant something else by "how about you"?