Tiki Bitches About...

[wolf]

I believe that's just making you look more unreasonable and bitchy.

If you don't want another person disrupting your life, don't invite them into your life, or invite them as closely as you have Chatty Cathy.

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

No, I think everyone was very willing to listen to your beef, maybe offer some advice, some ideas. The first inkling that someone says something, and not just in this thread, that you disagree with you go off, tell them they're stupid and they just don't understand your particular dilemma, and then boo-dee-hoo that the Cellar sucks.

How much fucking support do you want? You want we should come over and smack her?

I completely understood what you were talking about. However, I was blinded by your cute little smackdown of UT, who was only offering suggestions.

If you don't want opinions about your assorted dilemmas, I suggest you write them on a little pieces of paper instead, you know, to get it out, then burn them. Leave well-meaning people, who apparently suck if they don't bow to your every word, out of it.

kthxbai

Plenty of people posted opinions, and one person got insulting. I do respond negatively to insulting opinions, including "well if it hurts, just stop" (I assume you're referring to Dana's reply about my divorce in that other thread... yeah, that was dumb advice, pardon me for pointing it out).

Almost everyone who replied in this thread was amusing, supportive, or gently teasing... in other words, perfectly nice. Only you and Undertoad decided to be the emissaries that undermined the "Cellar support" you like to tout so much.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

This is actually a control issue. If she was a TV, you'd leave her on for company, because then you'd be in control: you'd have an off switch.

Thus, if you choose to, you can control your need to control, and there will be no more issue.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

Yes, but you SET your OWN boundaries. And when you live with someone else, you are bound to step on theirs and they are bound to step on yours. It's pretty inevitable.

Do you think you don't step on hers? I'll wager you have some really annoying habits.

We all do.

What he posted was not advice, Shawnee, it was an insult toward my needs and boundaries.

And you stepped right in line behind him when I called him on it.

Originally Posted by wolf

I believe that's just making you look more unreasonable and bitchy.

If you don't want another person disrupting your life, don't invite them into your life, or invite them as closely as you have Chatty Cathy.

I didn't know she was like this when I said she could move in. I've known her for years and I thought she was really quiet... turns out she's really quiet at all times except mornings. I don't even need her to be quiet in the morning... just not try to engage me in meaningless banter. She can talk to herself or the pets all she wants without it bothering me, or talk to me about things that have a meaning and a purpose if she needs to. Just not the "blah-blah-blah, oh look Tiki it's orange do you like orange Tiki were you feeding the chickens carrots LOL I'm silly" stuff.

It's not a gigantic issue, it's just something that was frustrating me that I needed to vent about... you know, let off steam so that the resentment wouldn't build up. I actually WORK in my office, I get up at 7 am and pack lunches and take my kids to school and then come home to relax, drink a cup of tea and answer customer emails and get my head in a space where I can go to my studio and be productive. It's hard to do that when someone's grabbing for your attention every few minutes.

She's friends with all my friends, and is online in most of the places I'm online, so I figured I could vent about it here safely.

[Undertoad]

That seems really one-sided to me.

No. You don't get it. It is to your benefit. I am giving you helpful advice about how to behave in life.

People annoy you. There are only two choices:

1. Get them to stop annoying you.

2. Stop being annoyed.

Can't tell you how much easier it is to achieve #2.

You know what I've got now? I've got two adult children living in my house RENT FREE -- and I have a bad mortgage and no job.

They leave the lights on. They don't clean anything. They don't DO anything around the house, unless they get paid for it. They wake me up all hours of the night and morning. They break stuff. They take stuff. They borrow stuff. They lose stuff. They bring smelly toddlers into the house and hide dirty diapers in a trashcan in the corner of the living room. They play the TV and video games at maximum volume and never turn them off when they leave. Their baby mama stays over and goes into a two-hour crying jag at 5am. They forget to flush and leave pee fermenting in the toilet. They eat the food I bought for myself. They park behind me in the driveway. They have top-volume screaming arguments that make no sense and move from in the house, out into public. They appreciate nothing I do, except for when I hand them a plate of home-cooked dinner, at which time I get a cursory thank you, which I'm very grateful for.

If they were chatty at me in the morning it would be interesting, because most days we don't say two words to each other. I would welcome it, actually.

But me, I'm chill baby. At the end of the day, all this nonsense, it all rolls off my back. I complain from time to time, and I'd rather it not happen, but I can manage. It doesn't bug me deep down to the bone. Because the real idea, the thing that actually matters is housing these kids while they have a shot at becoming successful adults. I love their mom and I'm doing it for her.

Being chill is, I believe, a good way to be. So that's what I suggest to you. If it feels like a burden, or an endless compromise in which you lose, you aren't getting it yet.

[Shawnee123]

Yes, we're out to get you. I'm not sure how that works since everyone is supposed to be out to get me, but we'll go with it.

[Flint]

The flowchart of what each of you is thinking this conversation is about is fascinating.

[Shawnee123]

Flowchart. SNort.

[DanaC]

Well that's me told eh? I'll be sure not to post any further advice Tiki. Youthought it was dumb advice. I, as I have alredy explained, was simply positing a way of looking at things that helped me.

Fuck you Tiki.

[Flint]

By flowchart I don't mean the calendar where female housemates schedule their periods.

Oh, good for you. Clearly, you're a better person than I am.

I have a perfectly good mortgage. I have three kids living with me. I am self-employed and working my ass off to keep that mortgage current and those kids fed, clothed and housed. I'm the only one here to do that, so I'm doing it.

I am working on gently getting my housemate to give me my space in the morning. In the meantime, I thought I'd be able to vent here without getting shit on by someone who thinks he's superior because nothing gets to him.

Good for you. You're chill. You win +9000 points. If I were more chill, would I be able to do what I do? I don't know. All of the things that go into my personality, including the high-strung, anxious, introverted things, have made me a successful artist and businesswoman, and if having my nerves worked by noise and chatter is part and parcel of that, in the end it still means my kids have a roof over their heads and food on the table. So be it.

Some of this is hereditary... all you have to do is look at my youngest, who has an auditory processing disorder and who is temperamentally exactly like me, to see that. Noise, being talked at for no reason, and especially repetitive noises make her lose her shit... she'll scream and cry and lock herself in her room.

At least I don't do that, I just cry about it on an internet forum.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

No. You don't get it. It is to your benefit. I am giving you helpful advice about how to behave in life.

People annoy you. There are only two choices:

1. Get them to stop annoying you.

2. Stop being annoyed.

Can't tell you how much easier it is to achieve #2.

You know what I've got now? I've got two adult children living in my house RENT FREE -- and I have a bad mortgage and no job.

They leave the lights on. They don't clean anything. They don't DO anything around the house, unless they get paid for it. They wake me up all hours of the night and morning. They break stuff. They take stuff. They borrow stuff. They lose stuff. They bring smelly toddlers into the house and hide dirty diapers in a trashcan in the corner of the living room. They play the TV and video games at maximum volume and never turn them off when they leave. Their baby mama stays over and goes into a two-hour crying jag at 5am. They forget to flush and leave pee fermenting in the toilet. They eat the food I bought for myself. They park behind me in the driveway. They have top-volume screaming arguments that make no sense and move from in the house, out into public. They appreciate nothing I do, except for when I hand them a plate of home-cooked dinner, at which time I get a cursory thank you, which I'm very grateful for.

If they were chatty at me in the morning it would be interesting, because most days we don't say two words to each other. I would welcome it, actually.

But me, I'm chill baby. At the end of the day, all this nonsense, it all rolls off my back. I complain from time to time, and I'd rather it not happen, but I can manage. It doesn't bug me deep down to the bone. Because the real idea, the thing that actually matters is housing these kids while they have a shot at becoming successful adults. I love their mom and I'm doing it for her.

Being chill is, I believe, a good way to be. So that's what I suggest to you. If it feels like a burden, or an endless compromise in which you lose, you aren't getting it yet.

Originally Posted by DanaC

Well that's me told eh? I'll be sure not to post any further advice Tiki. Youthought it was dumb advice. I, as I have alredy explained, was simply positing a way of looking at things that helped me.

Fuck you Tiki.

I already had that conversation with you, Dana. I told you exactly what I thought about what you said, which is no different from what I said about it here. Shawnee brought it up again, so I clarified that it was what she was referring to.

[Undertoad]

Apology accepted. See how easy that was?

[lumberjim]

CAREFUL!

it's still morning where she is!

[Flint]

All of the things that go into my personality, including the high-strung, anxious, introverted things, have made me a successful artist and businesswoman, and if having my nerves worked by noise and chatter is part and parcel of that, in the end it still means my kids have a roof over their heads and food on the table. So be it.

I subscribe to this "take what you have to work with and find a way to make it work" philosophy over the "change yourself to suit the world" approach. That being said, I have to be careful to make the same allowances for others, i.e. reminding myself it's just "their way" etc. ... Especially my wife, because we spend so much time together and work so closely on so many important things. That being said, this is easier because we have many of the same issues, and that makes it easier to empathize.

I don't know what I would do if I had a morning chatterer. Yes I do. My wife used to drive me to work, and she tried to chatter at me. I told her to shut up. She complained that I wake up in a good mood, but then my personailty goes back to sleep. I think it's more of a "gathering my strength for the coming day by looking inward for a few quiet moments" thing.

By the way, our daughter is exatly the same way. Be it nature or nurture, the offspring pick up our little quirks. I don't try to worry too much about our kids getting messed up in the head because we're so cuckoo--because I know it's inevitable. They'll absorb it by osmosis even if we try to force our behavior to change. About the only thing we can do is work on genuinely improving ourselves.

That is, if improvement is warranted. For the most part, I think I am more effective by embracing my irregularities.

Maybe that's what we need to teach them.

How's that for post drift?

[Flint]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

CAREFUL!

it's still morning where she is!

She doesn't mind getting typed at...