Humor...I Need Humor...

Sheldonrs · 04-24-2009, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elspode

I wish I could talk Shaw into harvesting *my* wood.

Sort of a Shaw Wood Forest, huh?

robsterman1 · 04-28-2009, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Sort of a Shaw Wood Forest, huh?

Now THAT's quite an image!

Nirvana · 04-30-2009, 05:33 PM

Cocktail Conversation
A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I chose "Carmen. "What's your name?"

He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

Nirvana · 04-30-2009, 05:54 PM

*

xoxoxoBruce · 05-01-2009, 01:58 AM

The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself.

The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5"9" tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down.

She said "Hi", and I said "Hi" in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.

"So, does that make you feel good?" she asked. .

"I'll bet you feel good," she continued. "In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before."

"Well, I have," I corrected her. "You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good."

I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.

"How do you feel now," she purred. "OK" I replied. Again, she said, "I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!"

Unbelievably I heard myself saying "Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds "till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and..."

"Ahhh..." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet!!!

She snapped, "Well tell me this, Smart Ass: Have you ever felt such a cunt?" I certainly have" I answered, "I missed the kick..."

04-30-2009, 05:33 PM	#3
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Cocktail Conversation A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I chose "Carmen. "What's your name?" He answered "B.J. Titsengolf." __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

04-30-2009, 05:54 PM	#4
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	NSFW Carttoon * Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

05-01-2009, 01:58 AM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself. The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5"9" tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show. After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down. She said "Hi", and I said "Hi" in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down. "So, does that make you feel good?" she asked. . "I'll bet you feel good," she continued. "In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before." "Well, I have," I corrected her. "You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good." I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast. "How do you feel now," she purred. "OK" I replied. Again, she said, "I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!" Unbelievably I heard myself saying "Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds "till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and..." "Ahhh..." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton, and she was wet!!! She snapped, "Well tell me this, Smart Ass: Have you ever felt such a cunt?" I certainly have" I answered, "I missed the kick..." __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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