Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 224

lumberjim · 03-27-2010, 11:04 AM

I'm sure I've posted this before....probably in this very thread....but it's short, so lick it

Catholic Man rolls over in bed and says, "Hey, Darling, would you like to make love?"

Catholic Wife rolls away and says, "I can't it's Lent."

Catholic Man says, "OK. How about when you get it back?"

skysidhe · 03-27-2010, 11:15 AM

A Really Bad Day There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

toranokaze · 03-27-2010, 06:03 PM

Clod , squirrell those where some great clips

squirell nutkin · 03-27-2010, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by toranokaze

Clod , squirrell those where some great clips

I love the whole genre. If you've worked in the industry you may want to watch the entire "Truth in Advertising" It has a much clearer picture, but I think the short version is a 'tighter and brighter' cut.

classicman · 03-27-2010, 08:28 PM

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together..
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any more. 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country. We don't speak aloud in public places
about our sex lives.

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '.'

DanaC · 03-28-2010, 08:00 AM

We are not amused!

skysidhe · 03-28-2010, 08:42 AM

ha ha @NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

toranokaze · 03-29-2010, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirell nutkin

I love the whole genre. If you've worked in the industry you may want to watch the entire "Truth in Advertising" It has a much clearer picture, but I think the short version is a 'tighter and brighter' cut.

OK I watched the entire "Truth in Advertising" and it was great.

Sheldonrs · 03-29-2010, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

....but it's short, so lick it...

Not the first time you've said that, huh?

lumberjim · 03-29-2010, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Not the first time you've said that, huh?

oh no you di'int

Sheldonrs · 03-30-2010, 02:33 PM

Not quite HS Musical:

monster · 03-30-2010, 04:29 PM

I heard about that on the radio this morning -wtf???

glatt · 03-30-2010, 04:51 PM

That can't be real. Can it?

glatt · 03-30-2010, 04:54 PM

According to NBC,
"It’s not an actual school play. Director Marc Klasfield, of Lady Gaga video fame, reportedly produced it probably somewhere in LA, TMZ reports."

I don't know if the play is more disturbing, or the fact that TMZ is apparently the best we've got.

Nirvana · 03-30-2010, 06:14 PM

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided
To pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he
Failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it
Was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his
State of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of

Making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100%
Pleasure."

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing
It for them."

The room fell silent.

God Bless the enlisted man.

03-27-2010, 11:04 AM	#3346
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	I'm sure I've posted this before....probably in this very thread....but it's short, so lick it Catholic Man rolls over in bed and says, "Hey, Darling, would you like to make love?" Catholic Wife rolls away and says, "I can't it's Lent." Catholic Man says, "OK. How about when you get it back?" __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

03-27-2010, 06:03 PM	#3348
toranokaze I'm still a jerk Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Little Mexico Posts: 1,817	Clod , squirrell those where some great clips __________________ "Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.

03-27-2010, 08:28 PM	#3350
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: 'Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.. I come once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.' The lady can't take this any more. 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country. We don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives. 'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '.' __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

03-30-2010, 02:33 PM	#3356
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	Not quite HS Musical: __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you. Last edited by xoxoxoBruce; 03-30-2010 at 10:36 PM. Reason: youtube

03-30-2010, 04:29 PM	#3357
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I heard about that on the radio this morning -wtf??? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

03-27-2010, 11:15 AM	#3347
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	A Really Bad Day There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

03-28-2010, 08:42 AM	#3352
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	ha ha @NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

03-30-2010, 04:51 PM	#3358
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	That can't be real. Can it?

03-30-2010, 04:54 PM	#3359
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	According to NBC, "It’s not an actual school play. Director Marc Klasfield, of Lady Gaga video fame, reportedly produced it probably somewhere in LA, TMZ reports." I don't know if the play is more disturbing, or the fact that TMZ is apparently the best we've got.

03-30-2010, 06:14 PM	#3360
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided To pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he Failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it Was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his State of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of Making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% Pleasure." The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing It for them." The room fell silent. God Bless the enlisted man. __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

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