Tales from the Nuthouse: Lest You Think I have a Really Suck Job - Page 10

SteveDallas · 12-24-2008, 11:14 AM

I suppose that's just a small bit better than if Christmas is when the unidentified family psycho gets identified. (Speaking of psychos, I'm reading Carrie Fisher's new book.)

TheMercenary · 12-30-2008, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Tomorrow (Thursday) morning, I am going to get to take a tour of the Forensic building that is down the street from my hospital. It's a specialty prison unit for the Criminally Insane.

I did take a tour there 15 or so years ago, but at that time we weren't permitted on any of the occupied units. They just put us all in a ward room that was part of an unoccupied unit that was being renovated.

I don't think they have anybody notable there right now, but a few years ago they housed John DuPont while he was awaiting trial (he was considered too high security for us ... ordinarily we get Delaware County Prisoners who are mentally ill), and I believe that Sylvia Segrist ended up there after the Springfield Mall Shooting in the 1980s.

I wasn't even aware that they were going to allow a tour ... one of my cow orkers who moved into our Criminal Justice Department called me the other night because he thought I'd be interested and he saved me a slot. They're only letting ten people in, apparently.

So how did it go? Give us a play by play. Should have been interesting.

wolf · 04-01-2009, 06:09 PM

We have a new ward clerk.

She's clueless.

I mean, like, really.

The guys like looking at her. Blonde, big hoots, apparently doesn't know her actual clothing sizes and keeps buying things that are too small.

The guys do not like talking to her because she is as dumb as the post that she should be dancing next to.

Oh, and she's rumored to be Amish. Yeah, that kind of Amish ... bonnets and buggies, Kelly McGillis in Witness Amish. I don't know how, she must have gone on Rumspringe and never went back.

She actually said something funny last night.

We got this dude, he's an old pillhead. Games ERs for pain meds, carefully simulates a number of chronic and acute pain conditions.

She came out looking for some of his property and asked, "you know that new admission guy, the one who looks like Gollum?"

Well, as it happens, he does.

If that wasn't funny enough, one of my cow orkers says "Smeagol wants it, needs it, Oxycontin, yessss."

Trilby · 04-03-2009, 07:33 AM

ah, wolf. How I envy you.

some little bits I recall from being on both sides of the desk:

a woman talking with her therapist about whether the doc was correct in his diagnosis (of her bipolarity) "Well, with that doctor, I take everything he says with a grand of salt,"

A 20-something schizo, on being told the refridgerator was unlocked: "that's probably not a good idea. I'm a compulsive thing-taker."

Replying to the question of how this man found himself at the State hosp.: "I really don't know. I just went to the police station to get a restraining order against God."

ZenGum · 04-05-2009, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Replying to the question of how this man found himself at the State hosp.: "I really don't know. I just went to the police station to get a restraining order against God."

TheMercenary · 04-20-2009, 07:13 PM

Wolf. Click the link, sixth frame down. Click the video. I think I found one of your patients.

http://creativedisease.com/index.htm

wolf · 08-15-2009, 01:41 AM

If a Mormon marries a woman with multiple personality disorder, is that considered polygamy?

Yes, of course this is based on a real life situation. Sort of, I mean. She wasn't married.

Trilby · 08-15-2009, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

If a Mormon marries a woman with multiple personality disorder, is that considered polygamy?

Yes, of course this is based on a real life situation. Sort of, I mean. She wasn't married.

I vote 'yes' on the polygamy. It's not as much fun as you'd think, though.

wolf · 08-15-2009, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

I vote 'yes' on the polygamy. It's not as much fun as you'd think, though.

I watch Big Love. I know.

wolf · 06-16-2010, 01:26 AM

For the first time in the history of policing ...

An officer will return to the station and tell his Sergeant, "Well, Sarge, you won't believe this, but the suspect, he was a real 96er, Sarge, and I put him in cuffs and he started banging his head onto the hood of my brand new cruiser, all on his own, and that's why the hood has five big dents in it."

And the officer has car-camera video to prove it.

sexobon · 06-16-2010, 02:31 AM

Suggest to 'em that they stash the video and tell the insurance company it was hail damage!

wolf · 06-23-2010, 10:18 PM

Yesterday I got to see our criminal justice system at work.

Or not work.

There is a lot of waiting around involved.

On the upside, I got to hear a police sergeant tell funny true stories.

He's a real cop. He says you're not a real cop until you've been suspended, sued, and divorced. He has also been hung in effigy. I had seen the effigy, but didn't know it was he.

Anyway, I had to tesify at a trial for the drugs I found. This one was for the recipient.

They forgot to bring him from the jail. So that meant waiting another two hours until the sheriffs brought him down from the county.

Pre-trial testimony prep is not like you see on Law and Order. I did not meet with the ADA in a nice office. I stood in a hallway and she gave me a printed sheet of the questions she was going to ask me, with answers filled in, pretty much based on my initial witness statement to the police.

I ended up not having to actually testify. Probably just as well. We were heading in towards lunchtime and the judge wanted to wrap things up. Prisoner pled to some lesser offence to avoid a two year minimum manditory sentence for contraband.

I go to a preliminary on the one who smuggled in the drugs next week. At least that one's at the District Justice's office that's down the street from my house. I get to sleep in. For this one I had to be up before 7am, and at the courthouse by 8:30, was stuck there until past noon, never got any sleep ... I can't nap. So by the end of my shift my butt was dragging something awful. And it was busy.

But all the time at the court was OT, so that's something.

wolf · 08-06-2010, 11:15 AM

So, I'm dealing with this kid, 19 years old. He's not merely gay, he's a complete screaming queen. Lisp, limp wrist, lilty voice, glided across the floor when he walked, wearing more Silly Bandz than the average tween girl. So flamey I feared the couch would catch fire.

So, he sashays into the interview room with me. I start by asking, "Your paperwork says your name is 'Charles.' Are you are a 'Charles,' 'Chuck,' 'Chas,' or something else?"

"Nibbles."

"What?"

"They call me Nibbles."

"Young man, I cannot call you Nibbles. Let's just stick with Charles."

Shawnee123 · 08-06-2010, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

So, I'm dealing with this kid, 19 years old. He's not merely gay, he's a complete screaming queen. Lisp, limp wrist, lilty voice, glided across the floor when he walked, wearing more Silly Bandz than the average tween girl. So flamey I feared the couch would catch fire.

So, he sashays into the interview room with me. I start by asking, "Your paperwork says your name is 'Charles.' Are you are a 'Charles,' 'Chuck,' 'Chas,' or something else?"

"Nibbles."

"What?"

"They call me Nibbles."

"Young man, I cannot call you Nibbles. Let's just stick with Charles."

This is the funniest story I've heard in quite some time!

thud85 · 08-06-2010, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

"They call me Nibbles."

Something tells me they don't call him Nibbles because he's always snacking on something... (unless that's what you wanna call it)

04-01-2009, 06:09 PM	#138
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	We have a new ward clerk. She's clueless. I mean, like, really. The guys like looking at her. Blonde, big hoots, apparently doesn't know her actual clothing sizes and keeps buying things that are too small. The guys do not like talking to her because she is as dumb as the post that she should be dancing next to. Oh, and she's rumored to be Amish. Yeah, that kind of Amish ... bonnets and buggies, Kelly McGillis in Witness Amish. I don't know how, she must have gone on Rumspringe and never went back. She actually said something funny last night. We got this dude, he's an old pillhead. Games ERs for pain meds, carefully simulates a number of chronic and acute pain conditions. She came out looking for some of his property and asked, "you know that new admission guy, the one who looks like Gollum?" Well, as it happens, he does. If that wasn't funny enough, one of my cow orkers says "Smeagol wants it, needs it, Oxycontin, yessss." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

04-03-2009, 07:33 AM	#139
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	ah, wolf. How I envy you. some little bits I recall from being on both sides of the desk: a woman talking with her therapist about whether the doc was correct in his diagnosis (of her bipolarity) "Well, with that doctor, I take everything he says with a grand of salt," A 20-something schizo, on being told the refridgerator was unlocked: "that's probably not a good idea. I'm a compulsive thing-taker." Replying to the question of how this man found himself at the State hosp.: "I really don't know. I just went to the police station to get a restraining order against God." __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-20-2009, 07:13 PM	#141
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Wolf. Click the link, sixth frame down. Click the video. I think I found one of your patients. http://creativedisease.com/index.htm __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

08-15-2009, 01:41 AM	#142
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	If a Mormon marries a woman with multiple personality disorder, is that considered polygamy? Yes, of course this is based on a real life situation. Sort of, I mean. She wasn't married. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

06-16-2010, 01:26 AM	#145
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	For the first time in the history of policing ... An officer will return to the station and tell his Sergeant, "Well, Sarge, you won't believe this, but the suspect, he was a real 96er, Sarge, and I put him in cuffs and he started banging his head onto the hood of my brand new cruiser, all on his own, and that's why the hood has five big dents in it." And the officer has car-camera video to prove it. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-24-2008, 11:14 AM	#136
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I suppose that's just a small bit better than if Christmas is when the unidentified family psycho gets identified. (Speaking of psychos, I'm reading Carrie Fisher's new book.)

06-16-2010, 02:31 AM	#146
sexobon I love it when a plan comes together. Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 9,793	Suggest to 'em that they stash the video and tell the insurance company it was hail damage!

06-23-2010, 10:18 PM	#147
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Yesterday I got to see our criminal justice system at work. Or not work. There is a lot of waiting around involved. On the upside, I got to hear a police sergeant tell funny true stories. He's a real cop. He says you're not a real cop until you've been suspended, sued, and divorced. He has also been hung in effigy. I had seen the effigy, but didn't know it was he. Anyway, I had to tesify at a trial for the drugs I found. This one was for the recipient. They forgot to bring him from the jail. So that meant waiting another two hours until the sheriffs brought him down from the county. Pre-trial testimony prep is not like you see on Law and Order. I did not meet with the ADA in a nice office. I stood in a hallway and she gave me a printed sheet of the questions she was going to ask me, with answers filled in, pretty much based on my initial witness statement to the police. I ended up not having to actually testify. Probably just as well. We were heading in towards lunchtime and the judge wanted to wrap things up. Prisoner pled to some lesser offence to avoid a two year minimum manditory sentence for contraband. I go to a preliminary on the one who smuggled in the drugs next week. At least that one's at the District Justice's office that's down the street from my house. I get to sleep in. For this one I had to be up before 7am, and at the courthouse by 8:30, was stuck there until past noon, never got any sleep ... I can't nap. So by the end of my shift my butt was dragging something awful. And it was busy. But all the time at the court was OT, so that's something. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-06-2010, 11:15 AM	#148
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	So, I'm dealing with this kid, 19 years old. He's not merely gay, he's a complete screaming queen. Lisp, limp wrist, lilty voice, glided across the floor when he walked, wearing more Silly Bandz than the average tween girl. So flamey I feared the couch would catch fire. So, he sashays into the interview room with me. I start by asking, "Your paperwork says your name is 'Charles.' Are you are a 'Charles,' 'Chuck,' 'Chas,' or something else?" "Nibbles." "What?" "They call me Nibbles." "Young man, I cannot call you Nibbles. Let's just stick with Charles." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

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