The TSA and don't touch my junk

TheMercenary · 12-07-2010, 05:51 PM

I just received this from an Army buddy, these people obviously cannot think outside the box....:

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

Sent: Tuesday, December 07, 2010 9:44 AM
Subject: Fw: and they Call this Security?!

As the Chalk Leader for my flight home from Afghanistan, I witnessed the following:

When we were on our way back from Afghanistan, we flew out of Baghram Air Field. We went through customs at BAF, full body scanners (no groping), had all of our bags searched, the whole nine yards. Our first stop was Shannon, Ireland to refuel. After that, we had to stop at Indianapolis, Indiana to drop off about 100 folks from the Indiana National Guard.

That's where the stupid started.

First, everyone was forced to get off the plane-even though the plane wasn't refueling again. All 330 people got off that plane, rather than let the 100 people from the ING get off. We were filed from the plane to a holding area. No vending machines, no means of escape. Only a male/female latrine.

It's probably important to mention that we were ALL carrying weapons. Everyone was carrying an M4 Carbine (rifle) and some, like me, were also carrying an M9 pistol. Oh, and our gunners had M-240B machine guns. Of course, the weapons weren't loaded. And we had been cleared of all ammo well before we even got to customs at Baghram, then AGAIN at customs.

The TSA personnel at the airport seriously considered making us unload all of the baggage from the SECURE cargo hold to have it reinspected. Keep in mind, this cargo had been unpacked, inspected piece by piece by U.S. Customs officials, resealed and had bomb-sniffing dogs give it a one-hour run through. After two hours of sitting in this holding area, the TSA decided not to reinspect our Cargo - just to inspect us again: Soldiers on the way home from war, who had already been inspected, reinspected and kept in a SECURE holding area for 2 hours. Ok, whatever. So we lined up to go through security AGAIN.

This is probably another good time to remind you all that all of us were carrying actual assault rifles, and some of us were also carrying pistols.

So we're in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a pair of nail clippers. Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier that they're going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went something like this:

TSA Guy: You can't take those on the plane.

Soldier: What? I've had them since we left country.

TSA Guy: You're not suppose to have them.

Soldier: Why?

TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon.

Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle] But this actually is a weapon. And I'm allowed to take it on.

TSA Guy: Yeah but you can't use it to take over the plane. You don't have bullets.

Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?

TSA Guy: [awkward silence]

Me: Dude, just give him your damn nail clippers so we can get the f**k out of here. I'll buy you a new set.

Soldier: [hands nail clippers to TSA guy, makes it through security] To top it off, the TSA demanded we all be swabbed for "explosive residue" detection. Everyone failed, [go figure, we just came home from a war zone], because we tested positive for "Gun Powder Residue". Who the F**K is hiring these people?

This might be a good time to remind everyone that approximately 233 people re-boarded that plane with assault rifles, pistols, and machine guns-but nothing that could have been used as a weapon. Can someone please tell me What the F**K happened to OUR country while we were gone?

Sgt. -deleted-

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

footfootfoot · 12-07-2010, 07:29 PM

Somehow "Freedom isn't free" doesn't quite cover this.
On the other hand both of us fell for the fortune cookie ruse...

skysidhe · 12-07-2010, 08:03 PM

It's like a parody for a comic strip, which would be funny. Unfortunately, The TSA is a parody of themselves, which is very weird.

TheMercenary · 12-07-2010, 08:22 PM

I guess it turns out, from reliable sources, that this em has been making the rounds on the net. I can no longer vouch for it's authenticity. But I can certainly believe it is possible. Just FTR.

morethanpretty · 12-08-2010, 09:40 AM

From: http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=16805

TheMercenary · 12-08-2010, 07:40 PM

Is he getting a blow job?

Gravdigr · 12-09-2010, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

Is he getting a blow job?

No. They're checking his bag.

plthijinx · 12-09-2010, 04:32 AM

this happened late last june:
my boss, also a pilot, at the time was not instrument rated so he asked me to fly with him down to McAllen Tx. to pick up a part for his corvette. the weather was supposed to be bad that day and to an extent it was on the return trip home. but anyway, we landed in McAllen and taxied to park. being a true smoker, i hop out of the plane and roll up a smoke (yeah i roll my own). i walk through the FBO and out to the front parking lot to smoke. after this i go back inside get a dr. pepper use the restroom then go to the pilots lounge to file our return trip flight plan. no sooner did i finish filing the plan Bob comes up to me and asks me if i'm ready to leave. i was like, really? already? heck i don't even know if our flight plan is in the system yet....ok, lets go. now while i was doing all the aforementioned things Bob had gone out to the front parking lot as well to meet the person that had his car part. in a box. he had walked it through the FBO and put it in the plane and gone back in to pay for our fuel and find me. we go out to the plane and while he's preflighting i call up the tower to see if i can get our IFR clearance back to Houston. they pretty much clear us as filed (a rarity in aviation) and ask if we are ready to get going. i told them no that we wouldn't be ready for another 5 or 10 minutes due to preflight. they said no problem. finally Bob gets in the plane and we fire it up and request taxi. tower clears us to the active runway and while we are going there he asked us if we needed to stop for a run-up (systems check before takeoff) or if we could do a rolling run-up. usually when they ask this they want you to do a rolling run-up for whatever reason so i told them that we'd do a rolling run-up. we depart. everything seems normal until we get close to houston. then this takes place after we were handed off from center to approach:
Houston Approach: "5 charlie papa say your position."
5CP: "um we're on an IFR flight plan" (meaning you should see us on your scope dumbass!)
Houston Approach: "5 charlie papa i say again: state your exact position"
5CP: "we're exactly 5 miles from LETTY intersection"
Houston App: "thank you 5CP now fly heading 010 descend at pilot’s discretion to 5000."
5CP: "descending to 5000 pilot's discretion. be advised that we may change our landing airport to KDWH depending on weather. i am instrument rated and my copilot is not so i may need to fly with him to his home airport." (he had picked me up at the airport near my house)
Hou App: "5CP roger."
now after slicing and dicing through some rough weather we were handed off to another controller who kept at me asking if i had the airport in sight. this guy btw sounds like Eeyore. finally i punched out of a storm cloud, a little rattled from the ride, and could see the airport. right there. 3000 feet below us. i cancelled our IFR flight plan and made 2 attempts at landing with a tailwind. finally we turned around and landed on the opposite runway. we taxi up to the ramp and i hop out of the plane with my headset, tri-fold and coffee cup. walking to my truck i noticed two county cruisers sitting off to the side. i used to work at that airport and it was no big deal to see them hang out there and watch planes. not this time. Bob had taken back off and by the time i got in my truck the cruisers were roaming aimlessly around. like they didn't know what to do. as i was leaving i passed up a city cop going the opposite direction. thought to myself at the time that perhaps he was bringing the donuts for his buddies. later on that evening while eating a nice well deserved rib eye i got a text from Bob. it said - "were the cops waiting for you too??" at this point i put down the knife and fork and called him. what do you mean "waiting for me?" he said "man, we were followed all the way from McAllen by border security!! when i taxied to park and stopped a suburban cut me off and the chase plane stopped right on my 6! they surrounded me! ordered me out of the plane and asked to search it!" they searched the plane, opened the box only to find a computer board in it and not drugs. they wasted a ton of money for nothing. why the heck didn't they just search us back in McAllen? too simple? hoping for a bigger bust? ffs. gummint ppl. it didn't end there either. a few weeks later i had to call someone with border security, can't remember her name, and verify everything. sheesh.

Gravdigr · 12-09-2010, 04:42 AM

FFR (For Future Reference):

"I don't know no Bob."

And/or:

"What airplane?"

plthijinx · 12-09-2010, 05:16 AM

Cessna 172

everyone should know a bob!

TheMercenary · 12-09-2010, 06:04 PM

Barney gets a new job...

xoxoxoBruce · 12-18-2010, 05:06 AM

Trading civil rights for security? Bullshit.

Quote:

According to one report, undercover TSA agents testing security at a Newark airport terminal on one day in 2006 found that TSA screeners failed to detect concealed bombs and guns 20 out of 22 times. A 2007 government audit leaked to USA Today revealed that undercover agents were successful slipping simulated explosives and bomb parts through Los Angeles's LAX airport in 50 out of 70 attempts, and at Chicago's O'Hare airport agents made 75 attempts and succeeded in getting through undetected 45 times.

linkhttp://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/loaded...show=WN&page=1

TheMercenary · 12-19-2010, 10:55 AM

An interesting take on the whole thing. I esp like the idea of "2 lines"....

Don't Be an Ass About Airport Security

http://www.slate.com/id/2276166?utm_...medium=twitter

Lamplighter · 12-19-2010, 08:43 PM

Off topic, but the thread title fits:

Electronic pick-pocketing

Gravdigr · 12-21-2010, 02:14 PM

.

12-07-2010, 05:51 PM	#1
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	The TSA and don't touch my junk I just received this from an Army buddy, these people obviously cannot think outside the box....: Classification: UNCLASSIFIED Caveats: NONE Sent: Tuesday, December 07, 2010 9:44 AM Subject: Fw: and they Call this Security?! As the Chalk Leader for my flight home from Afghanistan, I witnessed the following: When we were on our way back from Afghanistan, we flew out of Baghram Air Field. We went through customs at BAF, full body scanners (no groping), had all of our bags searched, the whole nine yards. Our first stop was Shannon, Ireland to refuel. After that, we had to stop at Indianapolis, Indiana to drop off about 100 folks from the Indiana National Guard. That's where the stupid started. First, everyone was forced to get off the plane-even though the plane wasn't refueling again. All 330 people got off that plane, rather than let the 100 people from the ING get off. We were filed from the plane to a holding area. No vending machines, no means of escape. Only a male/female latrine. It's probably important to mention that we were ALL carrying weapons. Everyone was carrying an M4 Carbine (rifle) and some, like me, were also carrying an M9 pistol. Oh, and our gunners had M-240B machine guns. Of course, the weapons weren't loaded. And we had been cleared of all ammo well before we even got to customs at Baghram, then AGAIN at customs. The TSA personnel at the airport seriously considered making us unload all of the baggage from the SECURE cargo hold to have it reinspected. Keep in mind, this cargo had been unpacked, inspected piece by piece by U.S. Customs officials, resealed and had bomb-sniffing dogs give it a one-hour run through. After two hours of sitting in this holding area, the TSA decided not to reinspect our Cargo - just to inspect us again: Soldiers on the way home from war, who had already been inspected, reinspected and kept in a SECURE holding area for 2 hours. Ok, whatever. So we lined up to go through security AGAIN. This is probably another good time to remind you all that all of us were carrying actual assault rifles, and some of us were also carrying pistols. So we're in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a pair of nail clippers. Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier that they're going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went something like this: TSA Guy: You can't take those on the plane. Soldier: What? I've had them since we left country. TSA Guy: You're not suppose to have them. Soldier: Why? TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon. Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle] But this actually is a weapon. And I'm allowed to take it on. TSA Guy: Yeah but you can't use it to take over the plane. You don't have bullets. Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers? TSA Guy: [awkward silence] Me: Dude, just give him your damn nail clippers so we can get the fk out of here. I'll buy you a new set. Soldier: [hands nail clippers to TSA guy, makes it through security] To top it off, the TSA demanded we all be swabbed for "explosive residue" detection. Everyone failed, [go figure, we just came home from a war zone], because we tested positive for "Gun Powder Residue". Who the FK is hiring these people? This might be a good time to remind everyone that approximately 233 people re-boarded that plane with assault rifles, pistols, and machine guns-but nothing that could have been used as a weapon. Can someone please tell me What the F**K happened to OUR country while we were gone? Sgt. -deleted- Classification: UNCLASSIFIED Caveats: NONE __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-07-2010, 07:29 PM	#2
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Somehow "Freedom isn't free" doesn't quite cover this. On the other hand both of us fell for the fortune cookie ruse... __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

12-07-2010, 08:22 PM	#4
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	I guess it turns out, from reliable sources, that this em has been making the rounds on the net. I can no longer vouch for it's authenticity. But I can certainly believe it is possible. Just FTR. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-08-2010, 09:40 AM	#5
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	From: http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=16805 __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

12-08-2010, 07:40 PM	#6
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Is he getting a blow job? __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-07-2010, 08:03 PM	#3
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	It's like a parody for a comic strip, which would be funny. Unfortunately, The TSA is a parody of themselves, which is very weird.

12-09-2010, 04:32 AM	#8
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	this happened late last june: my boss, also a pilot, at the time was not instrument rated so he asked me to fly with him down to McAllen Tx. to pick up a part for his corvette. the weather was supposed to be bad that day and to an extent it was on the return trip home. but anyway, we landed in McAllen and taxied to park. being a true smoker, i hop out of the plane and roll up a smoke (yeah i roll my own). i walk through the FBO and out to the front parking lot to smoke. after this i go back inside get a dr. pepper use the restroom then go to the pilots lounge to file our return trip flight plan. no sooner did i finish filing the plan Bob comes up to me and asks me if i'm ready to leave. i was like, really? already? heck i don't even know if our flight plan is in the system yet....ok, lets go. now while i was doing all the aforementioned things Bob had gone out to the front parking lot as well to meet the person that had his car part. in a box. he had walked it through the FBO and put it in the plane and gone back in to pay for our fuel and find me. we go out to the plane and while he's preflighting i call up the tower to see if i can get our IFR clearance back to Houston. they pretty much clear us as filed (a rarity in aviation) and ask if we are ready to get going. i told them no that we wouldn't be ready for another 5 or 10 minutes due to preflight. they said no problem. finally Bob gets in the plane and we fire it up and request taxi. tower clears us to the active runway and while we are going there he asked us if we needed to stop for a run-up (systems check before takeoff) or if we could do a rolling run-up. usually when they ask this they want you to do a rolling run-up for whatever reason so i told them that we'd do a rolling run-up. we depart. everything seems normal until we get close to houston. then this takes place after we were handed off from center to approach: Houston Approach: "5 charlie papa say your position." 5CP: "um we're on an IFR flight plan" (meaning you should see us on your scope dumbass!) Houston Approach: "5 charlie papa i say again: state your exact position" 5CP: "we're exactly 5 miles from LETTY intersection" Houston App: "thank you 5CP now fly heading 010 descend at pilot’s discretion to 5000." 5CP: "descending to 5000 pilot's discretion. be advised that we may change our landing airport to KDWH depending on weather. i am instrument rated and my copilot is not so i may need to fly with him to his home airport." (he had picked me up at the airport near my house) Hou App: "5CP roger." now after slicing and dicing through some rough weather we were handed off to another controller who kept at me asking if i had the airport in sight. this guy btw sounds like Eeyore. finally i punched out of a storm cloud, a little rattled from the ride, and could see the airport. right there. 3000 feet below us. i cancelled our IFR flight plan and made 2 attempts at landing with a tailwind. finally we turned around and landed on the opposite runway. we taxi up to the ramp and i hop out of the plane with my headset, tri-fold and coffee cup. walking to my truck i noticed two county cruisers sitting off to the side. i used to work at that airport and it was no big deal to see them hang out there and watch planes. not this time. Bob had taken back off and by the time i got in my truck the cruisers were roaming aimlessly around. like they didn't know what to do. as i was leaving i passed up a city cop going the opposite direction. thought to myself at the time that perhaps he was bringing the donuts for his buddies. later on that evening while eating a nice well deserved rib eye i got a text from Bob. it said - "were the cops waiting for you too??" at this point i put down the knife and fork and called him. what do you mean "waiting for me?" he said "man, we were followed all the way from McAllen by border security!! when i taxied to park and stopped a suburban cut me off and the chase plane stopped right on my 6! they surrounded me! ordered me out of the plane and asked to search it!" they searched the plane, opened the box only to find a computer board in it and not drugs. they wasted a ton of money for nothing. why the heck didn't they just search us back in McAllen? too simple? hoping for a bigger bust? ffs. gummint ppl. it didn't end there either. a few weeks later i had to call someone with border security, can't remember her name, and verify everything. sheesh. __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

12-09-2010, 04:42 AM	#9
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	FFR (For Future Reference): "I don't know no Bob." And/or: "What airplane?" __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

12-09-2010, 05:16 AM	#10
plthijinx Master Dwellar Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 4,197	Cessna 172 everyone should know a bob! __________________ For your dreams to come true, you must first have a dream.

12-09-2010, 06:04 PM	#11
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Barney gets a new job... Attached Images __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-19-2010, 10:55 AM	#13
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	An interesting take on the whole thing. I esp like the idea of "2 lines".... Don't Be an Ass About Airport Security http://www.slate.com/id/2276166?utm_...medium=twitter __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

12-19-2010, 08:43 PM	#14
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	Off topic, but the thread title fits: Electronic pick-pocketing

12-21-2010, 02:14 PM	#15
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	. Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

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