19 too old 4 me?

H2Opolopeguin · 01-06-2004, 12:56 AM

hey i met this guy, he's 19. i am 14 just wanted to know if you all thought that was to old for me?

wolf · 01-06-2004, 12:58 AM

1. It's way past your bedtime.

2. Check your local laws.

slang · 01-06-2004, 12:59 AM

Is he a convict? Do you think he might like prison?

Nothing But Net · 01-06-2004, 01:02 AM

If you have to ask, probably a boy of 14 is too old for you.

juju · 01-06-2004, 01:12 AM

For God's sake people, can't you have a little respect? Just because she is young doesn't mean she doesn't deserve any.

Well, he will most likely just use you for sex. Even if you don't think this is true, it still is true, because that is what all guys do to girls. Even apart from that, the gap in emotional maturity is huge. He will understand you but you won't understand all of him. It's just no good -- lovers and partners need to be equal for things to work. He will be the dominant partner because he'll have more experience in life.

And I do speak from experience. I dated a 38 year old when i was 22, and a 17 year old when I was 24.

Gwennie! · 01-06-2004, 01:52 AM

Urban folklore suggests that the younger person should be at least half the age plus seven years. This rule is usually applied to middle aged men (eg, a 48 yo should not date a 30 yo). In this case a 19 yo should only date folks at least 16. There is often some wisdom in folklore.

It is very flattering to get nice attention from an older guy. You must be a charming person. You can probably imagine nice things coming from dating this person.

But, there is a lot of risk in it that you probably aren't considering. In fact, as you gain dating experience, you will be able to see the pluses and minuses much more clearly. It's best if you can get more dating experience with people your own age.

Some guidelines and rules of society are too strict and evolve over time. But, many rules of society serve us well, having stood the test of time.

blue · 01-06-2004, 07:08 AM

April never mentioned having a sister?

vsp · 01-06-2004, 07:35 AM

If he is in fact interested in you, prepare for a LOT of sneaking around.

If you bring home a nineteen-year-old, much less get caught making out on the couch with him, your parents are very likely to shit coconuts. Whether they'd go the full nine yards and (a) beat the living hell out of him, (b) have him formally charged with statutory rape and/or (c) engage in intense and repeated screaming matches with you is open to debate.

Still up for it? That's up to you. Buy lots of Advil.

Beestie · 01-06-2004, 08:40 AM

Things to consider:

1. Its against the law to have sex with this guy.
2. A 19yo who would date a 14yo is very immature or at least probably intimidated by women his own age - either way, it doesn't bode well for you.
3. If you did date him, sex is out of the question and as soon as he figures out that you won't have sex with him, he's probably as good as gone as soon as he finds someone who will.
4. Its not that 19 is too old for you as much as it is that 14 is too young for him. A light bulb should be going off right now that you have the courage and wisdom to ask whereas he probably doesn't.

A relationship with this guy might seem like nirvanna from the outside but chances are pretty good that you could sustain some pretty severe emotional scars from such a venture. You could wind up pregnant, he could wind up in jail - these things are very possible and you need to ask yourself a) what are the chances that they could happen and b) how much control do you have to make sure that they don't?

Good luck - is there an adult that you can talk to about this? Get some more advice from someone older that you can trust. And don't do anything impulsive - follow your brain and not your heart. That you asked is your brain's way of telling your heart that its probably not a good idea.

FileNotFound · 01-06-2004, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by blue58
April never mentioned having a sister?

If she does, she might soon have a cousin.

SteveDallas · 01-06-2004, 08:45 AM

Mrs. Dallas and I started dating when I was 19 and she was 31. We've now been married over 13 years. I think juju is right that the partners should be equal, but that doesn't translate into a simple calculation that can be universally applied.

Having said all that, I'll venture to say that yes, he's too old for you. I don't think anybody would blink an eye at you dating a 25-yo when you're 20, but you're not 20.

juju · 01-06-2004, 09:37 AM

Yes, I agree, Steve. There isn't always so much of a gap in emotional maturity when both parties are past the teenage-years hump, because they both have <i>some</i> experience and maturity. But in a 14 and 19 year old pairing, I'd say it's pretty safe to say there will always be a gap.

By the way, I detest the word maturity, as it was routinely used in my household to mean "I'm better than you". But in some cases I have to grudgingly admit it has merit.

Riddil · 01-06-2004, 09:38 AM

Yes, it's too old.

Seriously, at 14 you are a mature person. Your mind and body are physically at the point where you are able to have sex.

HOWEVER.

Even if you start going out with this 19yo with the idea that you are not going to have sex... let me warn you about 19yo boys. Even if he's a "good guy"... I don't care if he's the leader of the local church group... there's a high chance that you will actually 'fool around', and when teenage boys start fooling around it can get carried away pretty quickly.

Seriously, at 14 you should focus on casual relationships with people closer to your age. I strongly, strongly recommend that you wait for sex (or anything beyond "2nd base") until you're over 16 at the very least.

I know a lot of girls who at 14 they felt they were ready for sex. When they got older they've come to regret the decision... they didn't care about the guy, they felt used, they wished they would have saved it for a "special person", or whatever.

The point is, even if you feel you're ready now there is no harm in waiting. Just because you might regret it is reason enough to wait... wait until you KNOW the time is right.

Oh, and for the flip side of the argument, if you believe that you will be able to date a 19yo boy and not get into any sexual situations then you don't understand guys well enough.

Anyhow, as a guy, I can't tell you strongly enough that you should NOT go out with this guy. Bad idea all around.

PS: my 21yo brother is currently married to a 37yo woman. Yes, age differences can be worked out... but when you're 14 you need more time to get to know yourself before latching onto someone that much older.

Elspode · 01-06-2004, 12:21 PM

If you were my daughter, I would have to evaluate the situation very thoroughly. I'd probably know how emotionally mature and self-responsible you were already, so I'd concentrate on the 19 year old intended. He would have to be pretty damn special before I would even consider allowing you to date.

Historically, my experience with 19 year old males isn't positive enough for me to even imagine that I'd let one date my 14 year old daughter. And I do tend to agree with a lot of what the others have said here...why in hell is this guy even interested in a 14 year old?

vsp · 01-06-2004, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
If you were my daughter, I would have to evaluate the situation very thoroughly. I'd probably know how emotionally mature and self-responsible you were already, so I'd concentrate on the 19 year old intended. He would have to be pretty damn special before I would even consider allowing you to date.

Historically, my experience with 19 year old males isn't positive enough for me to even imagine that I'd let one date my 14 year old daughter. And I do tend to agree with a lot of what the others have said here...why in hell is this guy even interested in a 14 year old?

I've met my share of 14-year-olds who had 18-year-old racks.

Regardless, you would still be an unusual father. When presented with this situation, most fathers would take the additional step of physically beating the 19-year-old boy to death with a tack hammer for his presumed intentions towards Daddy's Little Girl.

01-06-2004, 12:56 AM	#1
H2Opolopeguin Kinda New Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: SOCAL Posts: 1	19 too old 4 me? hey i met this guy, he's 19. i am 14 just wanted to know if you all thought that was to old for me? __________________ ~hope~ "but why is the rum gone?"

01-06-2004, 12:58 AM	#2
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	1. It's way past your bedtime. 2. Check your local laws. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

01-06-2004, 01:52 AM	#6
Gwennie! Not Female at Birth Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Anaheim Posts: 166	Urban folklore suggests that the younger person should be at least half the age plus seven years. This rule is usually applied to middle aged men (eg, a 48 yo should not date a 30 yo). In this case a 19 yo should only date folks at least 16. There is often some wisdom in folklore. It is very flattering to get nice attention from an older guy. You must be a charming person. You can probably imagine nice things coming from dating this person. But, there is a lot of risk in it that you probably aren't considering. In fact, as you gain dating experience, you will be able to see the pluses and minuses much more clearly. It's best if you can get more dating experience with people your own age. Some guidelines and rules of society are too strict and evolve over time. But, many rules of society serve us well, having stood the test of time. __________________ Only The Crumbliest Flakiest Gwennie!

01-06-2004, 07:08 AM	#7
blue Operations Operative Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Northern WI Posts: 739	April never mentioned having a sister? __________________ If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell "tornado!", and run like hell.

01-06-2004, 08:40 AM	#9
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	Things to consider: 1. Its against the law to have sex with this guy. 2. A 19yo who would date a 14yo is very immature or at least probably intimidated by women his own age - either way, it doesn't bode well for you. 3. If you did date him, sex is out of the question and as soon as he figures out that you won't have sex with him, he's probably as good as gone as soon as he finds someone who will. 4. Its not that 19 is too old for you as much as it is that 14 is too young for him. A light bulb should be going off right now that you have the courage and wisdom to ask whereas he probably doesn't. A relationship with this guy might seem like nirvanna from the outside but chances are pretty good that you could sustain some pretty severe emotional scars from such a venture. You could wind up pregnant, he could wind up in jail - these things are very possible and you need to ask yourself a) what are the chances that they could happen and b) how much control do you have to make sure that they don't? Good luck - is there an adult that you can talk to about this? Get some more advice from someone older that you can trust. And don't do anything impulsive - follow your brain and not your heart. That you asked is your brain's way of telling your heart that its probably not a good idea. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

01-06-2004, 12:59 AM	#3
slang St Petersburg, Florida Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 3,423	Is he a convict? Do you think he might like prison?

01-06-2004, 01:02 AM	#4
Nothing But Net Professor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Spring, Texas Posts: 1,481	If you have to ask, probably a boy of 14 is too old for you.

01-06-2004, 01:12 AM	#5
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	For God's sake people, can't you have a little respect? Just because she is young doesn't mean she doesn't deserve any. Well, he will most likely just use you for sex. Even if you don't think this is true, it still is true, because that is what all guys do to girls. Even apart from that, the gap in emotional maturity is huge. He will understand you but you won't understand all of him. It's just no good -- lovers and partners need to be equal for things to work. He will be the dominant partner because he'll have more experience in life. And I do speak from experience. I dated a 38 year old when i was 22, and a 17 year old when I was 24.

01-06-2004, 07:35 AM	#8
vsp Syndrome of a Down Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: West Chester Posts: 1,367	If he is in fact interested in you, prepare for a LOT of sneaking around. If you bring home a nineteen-year-old, much less get caught making out on the couch with him, your parents are very likely to shit coconuts. Whether they'd go the full nine yards and (a) beat the living hell out of him, (b) have him formally charged with statutory rape and/or (c) engage in intense and repeated screaming matches with you is open to debate. Still up for it? That's up to you. Buy lots of Advil.

01-06-2004, 08:45 AM	#11
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	Mrs. Dallas and I started dating when I was 19 and she was 31. We've now been married over 13 years. I think juju is right that the partners should be equal, but that doesn't translate into a simple calculation that can be universally applied. Having said all that, I'll venture to say that yes, he's too old for you. I don't think anybody would blink an eye at you dating a 25-yo when you're 20, but you're not 20.

01-06-2004, 09:37 AM	#12
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	Yes, I agree, Steve. There isn't always so much of a gap in emotional maturity when both parties are past the teenage-years hump, because they both have <i>some</i> experience and maturity. But in a 14 and 19 year old pairing, I'd say it's pretty safe to say there will always be a gap. By the way, I detest the word maturity, as it was routinely used in my household to mean "I'm better than you". But in some cases I have to grudgingly admit it has merit.

01-06-2004, 09:38 AM	#13
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Yes, it's too old. Seriously, at 14 you are a mature person. Your mind and body are physically at the point where you are able to have sex. HOWEVER. Even if you start going out with this 19yo with the idea that you are not going to have sex... let me warn you about 19yo boys. Even if he's a "good guy"... I don't care if he's the leader of the local church group... there's a high chance that you will actually 'fool around', and when teenage boys start fooling around it can get carried away pretty quickly. Seriously, at 14 you should focus on casual relationships with people closer to your age. I strongly, strongly recommend that you wait for sex (or anything beyond "2nd base") until you're over 16 at the very least. I know a lot of girls who at 14 they felt they were ready for sex. When they got older they've come to regret the decision... they didn't care about the guy, they felt used, they wished they would have saved it for a "special person", or whatever. The point is, even if you feel you're ready now there is no harm in waiting. Just because you might regret it is reason enough to wait... wait until you KNOW the time is right. Oh, and for the flip side of the argument, if you believe that you will be able to date a 19yo boy and not get into any sexual situations then you don't understand guys well enough. Anyhow, as a guy, I can't tell you strongly enough that you should NOT go out with this guy. Bad idea all around. PS: my 21yo brother is currently married to a 37yo woman. Yes, age differences can be worked out... but when you're 14 you need more time to get to know yourself before latching onto someone that much older.

01-06-2004, 12:21 PM	#14
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	If you were my daughter, I would have to evaluate the situation very thoroughly. I'd probably know how emotionally mature and self-responsible you were already, so I'd concentrate on the 19 year old intended. He would have to be pretty damn special before I would even consider allowing you to date. Historically, my experience with 19 year old males isn't positive enough for me to even imagine that I'd let one date my 14 year old daughter. And I do tend to agree with a lot of what the others have said here...why in hell is this guy even interested in a 14 year old? __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

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