About at my journey's end - Page 4

morethanpretty · 05-25-2011, 01:41 PM

To try to give you a kid's perspective since i dont have a married one:
My dad is endlessly cranky. My mom still puts up with it and makes excuses for him. To me it just makes me sick and has driven me away from both of them. He's not physically abusive, and I'm not sure I would call him emotionally abusive but it's pisses me off how he treats her sometimes. Not to mention he does the same damn thing to me. I don't really want them to divorce, but I do wish that I didn't have to deal with him all the time and could just see my mom. That's awful I know. Your kids might have similar feelings about your situation, but then again I'm older.

footfootfoot · 05-25-2011, 10:23 PM

At this point:
42 y.o. no menopause that I can see.
visits mom ~ every 6 weeks
visits last 2-3 days
reaction lasts 2-4 days
unreasonable, irrational, and in denial.
She is sort of working on seeing a therapist as a prelude to counselling. Been that route before with middling results.

Things have calmed somewhat, but I know it is just an ebb tide. Waiting to see if the therapist actually happens before I make ultimatums.

Nirvana · 05-25-2011, 10:37 PM

Quote:

unreasonable, irrational, and in denial

Hot flashes are not the only sign of the change. I feel sorry for men just when they think they have the woman monthly thing figured out menopause happens. Asking her to have some blood work done for a hormone check will probably be taken as an insult and possibly another verbal assault to follow.

Maybe you can suggest at an opportune moment that you both have blood work done just to make sure everything is A OK.

Jaydaan · 05-25-2011, 11:07 PM

IMO Something happened to her. Childhood abuse maybe. Everytime she goes to her mom's its coming out... it may be getting harder and harder to control. Chances are, she will resent you and anyone who tries to help her ( for a while) Chances are, she hates what she is doing as well.... hence the anger and denial. Pretending nothing is wrong is her defence.
Help will hurt her at first.... but it will be a good thing for all of you. One way or another. All you can do is strongly suggest councelling. If she wont go, you go... and the kids if possible. They need to know its not their fault.
Sorry you are going through this... hugs to you.

footfootfoot · 06-01-2011, 12:17 AM

Update of sorts.
Things have cooled down enough to where we can begin a dialog. Very cautious.

Mutual friends have been enlisted and I've been told she is aware, to a great extent, of her behavior. Less so of my being at my journey's end.

I am cracking the cover of "No more mr. nice guy" again.

Thanks to all of you for your emotional support. You are all a peach.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-01-2011, 02:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

Divorce isn't the heaven some people think it is....get some time and space.

That's for women. For divorced men it's great... the best booze, drugs, cars, and lots of hos...
oh wait, that's millionaires I'm thinking of. nevermind

DanaC · 06-01-2011, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

That's for women. For divorced men it's great... the best booze, drugs, cars, and lots of hobos...
oh wait, that's Shawnees I'm thinking of. nevermind

*grins*

Gravdigr · 06-01-2011, 02:54 PM

Kumbaya, my Lord...

richlevy · 06-04-2011, 05:23 AM

Sorry to hear about it.

Take your time with it. Get a babysitter and take an overnight trip to reconnect and talk it out away from the kids.

Even that small piece of generic advice is presumptuous of me. There is so much I don't know. Still, alone time and communication are almost never a bad idea.

Good luck with everything.

Griff · 06-04-2011, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by richlevy

Take ... a babysitter and take an overnight trip...

If I'm really tired and scanning, I sometimes miss the point.

footfootfoot · 06-04-2011, 07:46 AM

Griff's edit ain't half bad, but would probably cause more trouble than it's worth. Plus, I'd feel guilty as hell if I didn't also bring mrs foot...

Gravdigr · 06-04-2011, 05:49 PM

A threefer?

ZenGum · 06-04-2011, 07:10 PM

Sorry for lolling in ur serious thread.

footfootfoot · 06-04-2011, 09:22 PM

hell, I started it.

BigV · 06-04-2011, 09:28 PM

I have a question:

What is Mrs Foot's degree of dedication to the union?

I realize that you might (probably) want to ignore this question here, STFU, perfectly fine responses. I ask from my own experience. As plain as it is to say out loud, it was surprisingly easy to overlook in my own thoughts at the time. I might want to keep the marriage intact, but if Tink wanted to end it, it was over. Each party has the right and the ability to end it (passively, consciously, actively, neglectfully, etc etc.). It takes two to make it work.

Do you want it to work?

Does she want it to work?

Is the desire of each explicitly known to the other?

Unless you have three yes answers in a row there, you absolutely have a deal breaking problem.

05-25-2011, 01:41 PM	#46
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	To try to give you a kid's perspective since i dont have a married one: My dad is endlessly cranky. My mom still puts up with it and makes excuses for him. To me it just makes me sick and has driven me away from both of them. He's not physically abusive, and I'm not sure I would call him emotionally abusive but it's pisses me off how he treats her sometimes. Not to mention he does the same damn thing to me. I don't really want them to divorce, but I do wish that I didn't have to deal with him all the time and could just see my mom. That's awful I know. Your kids might have similar feelings about your situation, but then again I'm older. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

05-25-2011, 10:23 PM	#47
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	At this point: 42 y.o. no menopause that I can see. visits mom ~ every 6 weeks visits last 2-3 days reaction lasts 2-4 days unreasonable, irrational, and in denial. She is sort of working on seeing a therapist as a prelude to counselling. Been that route before with middling results. Things have calmed somewhat, but I know it is just an ebb tide. Waiting to see if the therapist actually happens before I make ultimatums. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-01-2011, 12:17 AM	#50
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Update of sorts. Things have cooled down enough to where we can begin a dialog. Very cautious. Mutual friends have been enlisted and I've been told she is aware, to a great extent, of her behavior. Less so of my being at my journey's end. I am cracking the cover of "No more mr. nice guy" again. Thanks to all of you for your emotional support. You are all a peach. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-01-2011, 02:54 PM	#53
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	Kumbaya, my Lord... __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

06-04-2011, 05:23 AM	#54
richlevy King Of Wishful Thinking Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Philadelphia Suburbs Posts: 6,669	Sorry to hear about it. Take your time with it. Get a babysitter and take an overnight trip to reconnect and talk it out away from the kids. Even that small piece of generic advice is presumptuous of me. There is so much I don't know. Still, alone time and communication are almost never a bad idea. Good luck with everything. __________________ Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE! I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama

05-25-2011, 11:07 PM	#49
Jaydaan Knight of the Oval-Shaped Conference Table Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Vernon, BC, Canada Posts: 378	IMO Something happened to her. Childhood abuse maybe. Everytime she goes to her mom's its coming out... it may be getting harder and harder to control. Chances are, she will resent you and anyone who tries to help her ( for a while) Chances are, she hates what she is doing as well.... hence the anger and denial. Pretending nothing is wrong is her defence. Help will hurt her at first.... but it will be a good thing for all of you. One way or another. All you can do is strongly suggest councelling. If she wont go, you go... and the kids if possible. They need to know its not their fault. Sorry you are going through this... hugs to you.

06-04-2011, 07:46 AM	#56
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	Griff's edit ain't half bad, but would probably cause more trouble than it's worth. Plus, I'd feel guilty as hell if I didn't also bring mrs foot... __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-04-2011, 05:49 PM	#57
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	A threefer? __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

06-04-2011, 07:10 PM	#58
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Sorry for lolling in ur serious thread. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

06-04-2011, 09:22 PM	#59
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	hell, I started it. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

06-04-2011, 09:28 PM	#60
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I have a question: What is Mrs Foot's degree of dedication to the union? I realize that you might (probably) want to ignore this question here, STFU, perfectly fine responses. I ask from my own experience. As plain as it is to say out loud, it was surprisingly easy to overlook in my own thoughts at the time. I might want to keep the marriage intact, but if Tink wanted to end it, it was over. Each party has the right and the ability to end it (passively, consciously, actively, neglectfully, etc etc.). It takes two to make it work. Do you want it to work? Does she want it to work? Is the desire of each explicitly known to the other? Unless you have three yes answers in a row there, you absolutely have a deal breaking problem. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

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