The more things change ...

Clodfobble · 11-25-2012, 06:09 PM

"Holding to account" only works if there are specific reparations that can be given. When there's nothing you can do about the past, when you don't have a magic button to make them whole again, then no, they don't have a right to punish you and call it deserved. If one of them were asking you to, for example, pay for therapy, then it might be worth examining how much of a role you may or may not have played in who they are today. But assigning blame just for blame's sake is no good for anyone.

xoxoxoBruce · 11-25-2012, 10:23 PM

Agreed, life doesn't have a reset button, no Groundhog Day. We do what we do, and sometimes we fuck up. Recognizing you made a wrong move, to avoid making it again, is smart. But beating yourself up with coulda, shoulda, woulda, doesn't help, and is actually counterproductive.

Also, when we spend a lot of time analyzing past mistakes, it's too easy to dismiss all the right decisions we made. You don't want to lament, "For 20 years, Pierre, he ____. Then he _____ one time, and they call him Pierre the ________. Sacre bleu!

11-25-2012, 06:09 PM	#1
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	"Holding to account" only works if there are specific reparations that can be given. When there's nothing you can do about the past, when you don't have a magic button to make them whole again, then no, they don't have a right to punish you and call it deserved. If one of them were asking you to, for example, pay for therapy, then it might be worth examining how much of a role you may or may not have played in who they are today. But assigning blame just for blame's sake is no good for anyone. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

11-25-2012, 10:23 PM	#2
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Agreed, life doesn't have a reset button, no Groundhog Day. We do what we do, and sometimes we fuck up. Recognizing you made a wrong move, to avoid making it again, is smart. But beating yourself up with coulda, shoulda, woulda, doesn't help, and is actually counterproductive. Also, when we spend a lot of time analyzing past mistakes, it's too easy to dismiss all the right decisions we made. You don't want to lament, "For 20 years, Pierre, he ____. Then he _____ one time, and they call him Pierre the ________. Sacre bleu! __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

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